My Resentment (Read when bored and have free time, lol) in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I know I have an issue with resentment in my marriage; that’s pretty obvious at this point. After all, my Wife is in many ways like a child despite being roughly 11 months away from turning 40. THUS I acknowledge all of that before I say the following.

When I get sick, I can be downright incapacitated. Obviously. I mean, if I’m fighting debilitating pain on a good day; a sick day is going to take me out. My wife, on the other hand? It’s a bit complicated. You see, my wife does suffer from diagnosed ADHD and diagnosed Anxiety. But none of that “takes her out of the game” so to speak. When she’s ill? She isn’t battling debilitating pain, she isn’t battling extremely high fevers… she’s just, in her words, “lethargic and a bit achey”.
HERE’S WHERE THINGS GET COMPLICATED
I don’t mind taking care of a sick loved one. Most of my girlfriends can attest to my patience and caring when they were ill. But Wife? Wife has already cashed in all of my patience and caring chips. I’ve come home to her having done absolutely ZERO too many times while she was well.... so when I came home and saw that she had done some dog training Tuesday despite being sick? AWESOME! However, everything else was worse. The kitchen looked like a disaster area. NINE cans of various vegetables were open and still mostly full strewn about the kitchen. Why? Wife had made herself a salad for lunch. K. Cool. Props on the decision. But one assumes lunch to have been roughly 5 hours before I got home… have any plans to take care of the various cans of things you left open and out? Or… any plans on the Dryer? I mean… you started a Dryer Load after I went to sleep Monday night, I left for work and noticed that a lot of my should not be wrinkled clothes were in the dryer, came home and saw that the dryer was still filled with the exact same clothes over 17 hours later.... were you planning on doing something or should I just go ahead and take those out knowing you’re going to be upset with me “interfering?” No no, I’m happy to make dinner and go to the store and wait on you hand and foot while you moan and complain about not feeling well.

Just… frustrating. To go from “Wife is Healthy” which means I do about 60% of things without a thank you or acknowledgment while feeling no emotional connection or support and having now gone… WOW screw the “having gone 3 months without sex”… I think it has been a full MONTH since I last got a kiss on the lips from my wife!!!! Anyway… frustrating to go from that to a version of that where I have to do even more around and hear her complain the whole time.

Y’know what? I have an idea. I’m going to write something in my Favorites Only Portion about the three women who have ever made me feel wanted or desired and exorcise that particular issue. Stay tuned to this entry, though, for ongoing stuff for Today.

In a complete reverse of the above, though, do you know what my favorite part of the day is?

When I wake up, that isn’t fun. In a lot of ways, I’d prefer to just sleep for days. But when I wake up and go to check on the dog, the puppy is happy to see me. When I bend down to pet the dog, her tail wags. After a good back rub, she flips over as if to say, “More, please. Belly this time.” And… there’s a connection. The dog doesn’t speak English and in no way could be considered a higher life form; but every morning, we have a moment or five where we connect and have an “I love you” interaction. It isn’t complicated, it isn’t fraught with tension. It’s just two creatures saying, “It’s good to have you in my life” each morning.

Construction continues in the office as it will for many weeks. As to questions about safety… good points I hadn’t considered them. I think they get around it because “the wall work isn’t being done in specific offices that are occupied” but… air quality travels. If you are removing the entire ceiling from the hallway, have cut holes into the ceilings of every office on this floor and are kicking up dust in office immediately next to occupied offices… that may be an issue.

Other than the surprise phone calls and emergency management; today is my last day of any real actual scheduled work until my vacation. LOADS of hearings today, of course, but then relatively smooth sailing. Fingers crossed as I say that because no sooner have I said that then some emergency issue develops and the sky falls. I’m still going through old entries (mine and yours) to note or respond to notes. In my journal, I’m up to June 19th. In y’alls? Damn, son. I think I have maxed out the “pending bookmarks” page, lol.

As part of my healthy living push: I’ve brought my lunch today. Instead of skipping every meal until dinner… and instead of rushing out to get Convenience Store Fare; bringing something that may qualify as somewhat healthy.
Another random thing to throw out: I tried to preorder Borderlands 3 last night. In this, there is… complications.
Borderlands 3: Regular… is the bare-bones game, no specials, no extras. Regular Game Price
Borderlands 3: Deluxe… is the bare-bones game and some in-game special cosmetic items. Slightly increased price.
Borderlands 3: Super Deluxe… is the bare-bones game, some in-game special cosmetic items, access to all DLC, and additional in-game items. Likely around $100.00
Borderlands 3: Collector’s Edition… is the bare-bones game, some in-game special cosmetic items, access to all DLC, additional in-game items, and a LOAD of actual physical collector’s items like Borderlands Statue, Borderlands Sanctuary Model, Borderlands Keychains, Borderlands Cloth Map, and more. Price Tag of $250.

My personal outlook? I don’t mind DLC expansions, but if you know you are going to do them WHEN you sell the game… I would rather pay a little more AT TIME OF PURCHASE to have access to the entire game. So… Super Deluxe is as “low” as I would go. But the Collector’s Edition looks… amazing. And frankly, considering the additional items? Worth it. But… despite it being a pre-order… it appears to be sold out :( So… I have not yet pre-ordered Borderlands 3 yet.

HA! OOooookay. My hearings today may be… a bit different. 6 hearings by 1 attorney are.... complicated as his car broke down and he cannot appear. So… that takes care of about 45% of my docket today. We’ll see if my hearing schedule goes the full hour now or not.

UH-OH! Looks like we’ve run into some Server Issues as, while trying to respond to a note, I got the THERE IS NO SERVER prompt.

HA… the down server segued nicely into a visit from DHS. Because riddle me this: Iowa’s population is going to be mostly Senior Citizens here fairly soon (if it is not there already). And yet… we don’t have a lot of resources or legislative guidance on what to do for people suffering dementia or Alzheimer’s. Because… what is the State to do? Lock these people away? They have a right to self-determination and if the individual, as was the case for this person, is able to take care of themselves with a little assistance… but when they leave the house can’t find their way back… like… what is the guideline? Do we require that person to be put into a home? Do we require that person to purchase a full-time nurse? There isn’t a whole lot of guidance on these issues from The Law on what we’re able to do. And I for one am not going to punish someone who is taking care of themselves in almost every other way. These diseases are hard. And we’re seeing an uptick in “Wandered off and couldn’t be found”… so I’d really like our legislature to give us some assistance on this. Otherwise, we’re going to get to the point where we genuinely DO have to essentially “imprison” people who are just old and sick for their own good. Which, obviously, is super duper shitty.

Oh crap.
I’m hungry. lol

I never get hungry. Like… I rarely get hungry. Certainly not to such a degree that I physically notice it. But I have only been drinking water this morning instead of soda or anything else. And now my body is like, “Dude… the last time we ate was 15 hours ago. Get on it!”

Which, I guess… means that soda and such really was adding “empty calories” to my daily intake. But those empty calories may have been staving off feeling hungry which… do people go through this all the time? Like… how do people manage when they’re hungry all the time!

Funny story: in Junior High School, my Bible Class did a fast for charity. We stopped eating for 30 hours and dedicated that time to (1) building homes; (2) collecting donations for a food bank; and (3) discussing the impact of hunger and starvation on people locally and around the world. Also praying and Bible Reading and the like as well. Here’s the thing… we were allowed to have soda, water, juice… it was just a FOOD fast not a Liquid Fast. And there are two things that have traditionally been true of me. (1) I would prefer my food in liquid form; but for the digestive issues that would come with it. (2) I’m a Theater Kid who has done “hell week rehearsal” schedules where we didn’t eat for 18 hours! 30 hours plus soda just meant I had a mild hunger pain at the end of those 30 hours.

AND YET! How different life is a mere 22 years later! Remove the soda, add in the adult body and life decisions that brought me to where I am now and the body I have now… and a mere 15 hours makes me start feeling legitimate hunger pains? I’ve… certainly let myself go in some ways, lol. But even saying that… I find myself strangely sad that my lunch has beef in it and find myself wanting Tuna. Tuna?! Where did that come from?!



Not just on the above model but on faces across the world.... people who don’t like freckles are dumb.






THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY WE COULD DO THIS FOR NALA. Even when we’re just eating like a quick snack of peanuts or something on the couch, Nala is trying to get in our faces. We have a HIGH dinning room table and HIGH chairs… neither of our feet touch the floor when we’re eating dinner. Nala will get as tall as she can, up on her hind legs, and try to see what is on the table, then she will insert herself into our laps (head) as if to say Here’s my mouth bits; please insert food. And yes, that is something we’re working on curbing.

OH PEOPLE! GR. Just got a phone call from the Higher Ups. They were very confused as to what someone was trying to do. They explained it to me. I wasn’t confused so much as upset.

There was a hearing this week that ended with a judge’s order saying, “Defendant to remain in custody until such time as Evaluation has been completed.” Remain in Custody means he stays in jail. Until Such Time means the only way to leave jail is to satisfy a condition of release. Evaluation Has Been Completed is the condition of that release. Therefore the Court Order says the dude has to stay in jail until he does what he’s told. His mother is trying to bond him out right now. And you wonder why your kid turned to crime? The Judge has stated that something must happen, and after that happens he may be released. The Judge did NOT state that if you give us money, we’ll ignore the court order. I mean… I’m willing to say that my experiences in Court make me obviously more familiar with court room language and the like but… do other people here have a hard time understanding “remain in custody until such time”?? Like… am I the asshole?

Well, the hearings? They took all of an hour because it was the Magistrate’s final day and we wanted to chat. Which is nice! I’m going to miss that a little. The new magistrate will be the first time in my career that I knew the magistrate before they took the judicial position. So… a new dynamic. But that’s the point of new experiences and (more importantly) that’s what you get when you find a HOME BASE. Things that other people take as commonplace become noticeable because it’s the first time for you. It’s a good thing.

In other good things?
My pay increase has been approved; moving me to within $10k of my household income goal. Shit, Wife could get a part time job and make that difference (not that I’m telling her to or expecting her to).
Looking at the pay increase item… I just want to say that would be ideal household income barring children. Children are expensive. Allegedly, it costs approximately a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child according to Business Magazines. So… yeah. If we get pregnant? Then I would most certainly move our “ideal household income goal” up by about $50k or so!

Keeping the good news rolling, though. According to the Boss, the Board of Supervisors wanted to give us a special shout out at their meeting today. And our staff told us that we’re doing an excellent job and the quality of work they’ve wanted to see here for a few years. So… that’s all very good!



Oh thank God! Saw this headline: It’s been a social media frenzy with the professional demise of Dana Loesch and her NRA-TV. The gun rights group shuttered their live productions which leaves Mrs. Loesch looking for a new place to rant.
If you know nothing of NRA TV, don’t bother. I own guns. My family owns guns. Some of my best friends have a freaking arsenal. So don’t paw at me with your “You hate guns” proselytizing. I do however believe that the NRA has not represented GUN OWNERS for the last 3 decades or more. They represent GUN MANUFACTURERS. The pro-gun lobby ditched “responsible, constitutional gun ownership” policy for “whatever makes more money for gun companies” the minute they started arguing about MORE GUNS IN THE MARKET instead of MORE RESPONSIBLE GUN OWNERS. And that trend continued to where we are today… instead of discussing background checks for gun sales so as to potentially prevent Criminals and Violent Offenders from purchasing? They argued against that and argued for arming teachers in schools. EVEN THOUGH all the research suggests that arming teachers will more likely get them SHOT. Especially if they are black. And if the Teacher doesn’t get shot… the wrong student gets shot… or the officer on scene. But… mostly… in most scenarios… the teacher gets shot if they are carrying a weapon during an active shooter event. The insanity and irresponsible nature of the NRA reached a zenith with NRA-TV. How shall I put this? Okay… there is presently a Car Dealer in the South that offers “A bible, a gun, and an American Flag” with every car purchase. So, take that gentleman and add in some Alex Jones/Info War/Fear-Mongering Conspiracy Addict. So take the Conspiracy Car Dealer and add your most Trumpist, intentionally offensive, ‘fuck women’s rights’ relative. If you don’t have one, you can take mine. Now give that amalgamation an entire TV NETWORK. Or if you have 20 minutes

Quick Aside, while we’re discussing Media and Trends… Tinder. I’ll admit, I’ve been curious. I’m not into sabotaging my marriage so I haven’t checked it out. I think if I were to check it out the way I sometimes review Dating Sites for MBFITWW, I’d be dumb and do something I’d regret. So I haven’t checked it out. But I’ve always been very curious. Though, again, I’ll admit that curiosity is quickly joined by a small hag-like voice in my head saying nobody would swipe right on you. BUT ANYWAY… Chive was displaying some Tinder Profiles and it seemed that the goal was to either Shame the Profile or show how Profiles Have No Shame.

Item 1

I… actually don’t see this as objectionable. I bet she gets a lot of Right Swipes, in fact.

Item 2

See, this I find awesome! Granted, she’s Australian and 21 and a cutey… but the item she wrote is my kind of humor and I think that is awesome. Nothing to be ashamed about at all!

Item 3

Now THIS ONE makes me want to heap shame. Makes me almost violent. If you were trying to be cute? You failed. If you were trying to be deep? You failed. Like… I’m not even talking about the “do you have blow” line, though that already says DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! The fact that the Dr. Suess line (which may start Dr. Suess but throws a different quote in at the end) doesn’t rhyme bothers me more than I can rationally express.

Item 4

I agree with Glasses Hulk at the bottom! I think this is a great and cute way to do this kind of thing. Again, 21 year old so were I the type to use Tinder, I’d likely not get a right swipe… but this is the kind of content that I think is great.

Item 5

Another one of those, “Absolutely my kind of comment” line. It isn’t original, true, but it suggests humor, family focus, a desire to socialize with others. Again, 20, but… I’m starting to think Tinder is like The Real World and they won’t accept over a certain age.

Item 6

Ladies… what do you think about this? Points for originality, but I can’t see this being a “successful” line. But then when I think about what I’d write to change it? I’d probably say, “I’m the kind of guy you can take home to meet your mom. She’ll think I’m super funny and charming… and kind of sexy. She’ll be happy that you landed a guy like me, but suspicious about how you did. She may ask you awkward questions about it.”

Item 7

I kind of like this, as he’s pointing out the obvious and trying to say he’s okay with it… but then I overthink things and I start thinking, “Is he the kind of person that is just… fixated on his disability? Like, will he be commenting and joking about it the whole time to the point of irritation or distraction?”

Item 8

This one isn’t original and honestly… recycling jokes to me is a terrible way to do a Dating Profile because how does that help get to know YOU other than “You saw this joke and thought it was funny.” That being said, I do like the joke in a way. But then I see something like this and wonder.... so what is the chat up line response? Like do you message that and say, “I’ll bring the marshmallows” or....?

Item 9

Could be good but then… I have two immediate reactions. First: Does this make her Marriage Desperate? Two: Why do people put pictures of couples on their profile like this? If it is her kissing someone else… not sure that’s great on a dating profile. If it isn’t even her? Why put it on your profile at all?

Item 10

I proper respect this. Share a mission statement! lol

MEANWHILE… SOMEWHERE IN CANADA

One thing that gets me about these “Somewhere in COUNTRY” posts is how they throw in hot girl photos like a surprise. Like, “SURPRISE! Did you know attractive women live in this place?” It’s like… guys? Duh. Duh and fuck you. I honestly believe this with all of my heart and all of my soul. There exists in every Continent, in every Country, in every Province, in every State… there exists no less than 5 women who would be considered conventionally attractive. AND 5 women who I would personally find nut-stunningly attractive. And they may be the same woman, they may be different women. But there will NEVER be a “surprise” that an attractive woman exists from a certain place. Though, the same is not true of my Wife. Once in Tiny Town she pointed out a lady and said, “Isn’t she like waay too attractive to be here?” No. Because genetically speaking, it is inevitable. Now, while I might be quick to say “Czech women are so beautiful” or “Irish women are so beautiful” or “Asian women are so beautiful” or whatever… I honestly believe a billion percent (if it were safe to travel there) that we could find 5 Conventionally Attractive Women in The Democratic Republic of Congo. Or Puerto Rico. Or Nauru. Or Costa Rica. Or Madagascar. Or anywhere. And doesn’t that just make mathematical sense? I don’t know exactly how many states or provinces exist in the world. But if we say that, let’s be really harsh, only 1% of the world is “Conventionally Attractive.” If there are 7 billion people on the planet… that means that there are at least 600,000,000 Conventionally Attractive people in the world. Divide that number by five. That’s 120,000,000… are there 120,000,000 different states/provinces in this world? Because I’m guessing that number is a LOT smaller. Like… smaller than 5,000. So, even taking into account wealth, poverty, genetic migration, all of that… it is mathematically OBVIOUS* that “Oh look a hot girl comes from BLANK” should never be a surprise.





Read a Marriage Primer For Men that… while it sounded like good advice, reminded me a lot of my programming and really drives home why I find myself in the position that I do.

The advice was filled with things like:
- Pursue Her. She chose you now giver her a reason to choose you every day.
- Have a special place in your heart JUST for your wife. Be vulnerable with her in ways you would not with others.
- Fall in love over and over again. Both of you will change throughout your lives. Meet her as new every time and fall in love with her again. Focus on that love for her throughout each change.
- Always see the best in her. Never spend your time focusing on faults or flaws but hold her up for all the ways in which she is wonderful.
- Don’t fix her. Love her as she is and if she changes, love her for that, too.
- YOUR emotions are YOUR responsibility. It isn’t your wife’s job to make you happy and she isn’t responsible for making you sad.
- NEVER blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry with her. You only feel that way because she is triggering something inside of YOU that needs to be healed or worked on.
- When she’s sad, hold her. You can’t fix her world, but you can remind her that she is accepted and loved.
- Be silly. Maker her laugh and laugh with her.
- FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY. Learn what makes her feel important and validated and cherished and act on that every single day.
- Be Present. Give her your time, your focus, your attention, your soul.
- Take her Sexually; she will be enamored of your masculine presence and you will bring out her feminine softness by doing so

This is very similar to the programming I had. I read Marriage Guides for Christian Men all the time growing up. Since I wasn’t “to engage in a sexual relationship before marriage” and I wasn’t “to date anyone that you did not think you could marry”… I spent those energies reading up on how I could become the best possible husband I could be. And all of those books were filled with stuff like that advice. And do you know what it doesn’t mention? What happens when she stops choosing you? What happens when you walk the walk, do the steps, commit to all the Best Husband Principles… and discover that your partner is not walking the walk? They don’t talk about that in those books. Because, apparently, they consider it a failing. “If you’re a good husband, then your wife will love you and want you. After all, you’re married!” So… likely another piece of my puzzle. Why I stay, why I put up with everything, why the very idea of getting out has taken this long.

On Confidence: I’ve never been a confidant person. That’s why I was in theater! It is a trick to think that folks in theater are confident and extroverted. Mostly, we’re people who observe others, like stories, want to become someone different. In fact, I’d go so far as to say for American Actors… the ones that actually ARE confident or do BECOME confident are doomed to simply “play themselves” for all time. Because in order to really disappear into a character, breath into it and give it life, you need to be okay with giving up yourself. Now, this is combated with that damned method. Yes, I’ll always bitch about Method Acting. If you’re living the character you aren’t performing. If you’re playing a part and you’re supposed to seem exhausted and worn down so you don’t sleep for three days… you aren’t performing you actually are exhausted and worn down. You shouldn’t receive acting credit for that! That’s a different debate. I got WAY off topic, there!!

Confidence. I’ve never been a confidant person. But do you know when I feel most confidant? When I’m well rested, showered, shaved, short hair that is styled, wearing nice clothes that fit me.
Well Rested happens rarely due to my condition.
I, frankly, should shower more often. In the summer, I should shower every day. I don’t. I’ve adopted my Wife’s pattern of showering every other day (or less frequently than that even). Which is silly, stupid, and appalling. I must do better there.
Shaved and Short Hair that is Styled will come with the additional showers.
The clothes bit? That becomes slightly more of a hassle but it does give me pause to consider how I’ve gotten to where I am now.
Business Suits are my style choice. Not just for work, I genuinely enjoy them. But the tailoring on all of my damned suits is atrocious. For some reason, they always cut the jacket sleeves far too high so that every suit coat looks like it was made for a student and I just kept it all these years. This is particularly unfortunate as the majority of business shirts that I own were received as inheritance from a successful family member. They ft for the most part but for the arms. There is a good 4 to 6 inches too long there. So… what I truly need is to take all of my clothes to a proper and decent (and well reputed) tailor to get my clothes to actually fit and look nice. However there we run into three problems.
(1) It is insanely difficult to find a proper and decent and well reputed tailor anywhere and especially in small town Iowa.
(2) A good tailor worth a decent reputation is expensive and takes time. So I’d be parting with a lot of money and I’d need to hold at least one full suit back so that I could still go to work.
(3) Wife. Wife doesn’t like to spend money and doesn’t like that I’m this heavy and knows I’m trying to lose weight. So she’s always stating that we shouldn’t get any of the clothes tailored or refit until I lose the weight. Well, two years later it is still friggin difficult to get below 220.

So… yeah. I think, as shallow as it sounds… getting my confidence back is going to really take three things.
(1) Better Sleep/Hygiene scheduling
(2) Better fitting clothes that I selected for myself, not simply given
(3) Losing weight to feel more like myself again.

Some of that… should be easy. Some of that… is going to be very difficult. HAND TO GOD: January 1st is a DEADLINE DATE for a lot of reasons. If Wife hasn’t made any noticeable or intentional steps forward… we’re talking “Maybe you should go live with your parents for a while” at the very least. If I’m not consistently under 220 pounds by January 1st… then I’m getting a trainer, working with a dietitian, and talking to my GP again about maybe the weight issue is due to the Duloxetine?

Grumble grumble
I know that a large part of my job is dealing with unhinged people’s bullshit drama. I get it. I do. Totally understand. If people weren’t Drama Llamas all over the place, then I would be out of a job. But… gr.

Defendant tells her attorney that she was never asked to leave a property and was at a person’s home because she had a lawful right to see her child. Defense Attorney calls me asking why we aren’t dismissing the charge.
Victim tells us that Defendant was shrieking like a banshee and demanding to see her child immediately despite having no legal right to a visitation at that time. Further, victim stated that she expressly told the Defendant “if you step one foot on my property I’ll call the police!” At which time Defendant stormed Victim’s home. That is why we aren’t dismissing the charge.

But here’s the problem. Technically, EITHER person could be lying because they have a beef with each other. It would not be insane to think that Homeowner thought “I hate this lady, I’m going to tell her to come over then call the cops because she’s trespassing.” But it also would not be insane to think that crazy lady wanted to see her baby and wasn’t going to let anything like The Law or Property Rights or Safety interfere with her desire.

So… Drama Llamas. Two women plus Children Involved plus Lack of Judgment equals Police Involvement. grumble grumble grumble grumble

Just jumping in momentarily with a crazy ass, can you believe this is the state of American Politics today comment.

KellyAnne Conway has violated United States Ethics laws many times. The first big one was when she started trying to (basically) sell Ivanka Trump’s fashion line while also doing her job. You can’t do that. A government official, in the commission of their official acts, is prohibited from endorsing a brand or company or encouraging the populace to invest in or purchase product from a private entity. For this she received an Ethics reprimand that the Trump Administration mostly laughed at because they think the word ETHICS is a punchline.

But then Ms. Conway got into actual, documented, shit yourself for real trouble by allegedly violating the Hatch Act. The Hatch Act of 1939, officially An Act to Prevent Pernicious Political Activities, is a United States federal law whose main provision prohibits employees in the executive branch of the federal government, except the president, vice-president, and certain designated high-level officials, from engaging in some forms of political activity.

Ms. Conway was directly cited for Hatch Act violations and was required to appear before Congress today to explain herself. You know… defend her actions. Maybe try to explain why what she did WAS NOT a violation of the Hatch Act. You know… appear before a legally convened tribunal to answer allegations of wrong doing… THE LAW. She skipped it. Went on Fox News instead. THIS… this is unheard of and unacceptable. Couple this with the GOP strategy of just leaving the table (looking at you Oregon) when they don’t like something?! What. The. Fuck. Seriously. In times like this, I wish I could register as a Republican again just so I could leave again! You would not have seen this shit from the George W administration nor the Bill Clinton administration nor the Reagan administration! And each of those men had reasons to do shit like this. Not good or lawful or ethical reasons… which is why they didn’t pull shit like this… but they had reasons. Trump? Trump is just being a TROLL because he knows that is what his base celebrates. Comply with the laws? FUCK THAT! “I have power and money and support. I can do whatever I want!! What do you mean that’s the very definition of The Swamp? The Swamp is whatever I tell people it is, and I tell people that The Swamp just means Democrats not doing what I tell them to do! Ha ha ha. I WIN!”

AND… as the majority of my GIF/JPG/ETC content is now taken from The Chive… I’ll leave you with something the Chive does a lot of (sexy women photos) but you know me… I’m not just going to import all of them. I would title the below collection “Women I would definitely swipe Right for; prrrrreeeeetty sure they’d swipe left for me” (Obviously, barring things like age and interests, etc. As previously stated, my minimum age would be 25. MAYBE I’d go to 23, 24 if the individual was sufficiently mature. Because honestly? Not to dis or dismiss all people “of a certain age” but honestly… if you were born in the second half of the 1990s… I’m just not sure we’d have a lot of common ground. Y’know… as I grew up with a rotary home phone, cassette player, VHS, dot matrix printer, received The Internet as a Christmas present when I was 12… y’know, just massive World Differences really. Oh, and yeah… duh… some of these were clearly photoshopped before being submitted to the website. I would assume. I don’t have an expertise on that but visual standards and anatomy basics would suggest that some of these were definitely photoshopped.