Is what my wife said to me after I kissed my daughter on her head and she looked very confused with me. As that’s normally her bedtime routine. When Mom has her and I give her a peck.

ANYway. I miss my ergonomic keyboard for typing. I got this little compact one to make room for a drawing tablet and this one hurt my wee little wrists.

Alright got the big guns out for this one.

I am the definition of Man-Cold.

I think I’ve finally kicked it (Thank goodness, I do no like being miserable) and I’m thinking that it was an actual summer cold rather than anything else. Or at least that’s what I like to think but at the same time I feel a lot better after pushing myself to eat/make full meals again and all that crap.

I just get real uninspired when it comes to home cooking, being the only cook, you get to that point where you’re just like “Fuck it, jar of pasta sauce and some pasta(duh)” and it’s really a hole(gonna use the right “hole.... y’know what, I’m not even going to finish that thought) that when you start digging, it just gets deeper, darker and all the less inspiring.

If any of you readers are the ‘main cooks’ I will take all your go-to recipies that you like to stick with. So far my routine is:

Pasta
Bangers & Mashed
Fajitas
Salmon & Roasted Potatoes

Then whatever other meat I can buy on sale en-masse. Seriously, never buy meat if it’s not on sale.

But moving beyond the chit-chat and into the meat of the entry, lets talk a little bit about my wife.

She aight.

But as much of a pain as she can be, I need to be real about the impact she has on my life. First off, She’s thick, and she’s beautiful.

But more importantly and probably what drew me to her the most was that she makes me feel human. I think we’ve all been in those relationships where we tell someone a deep insecurity and they look at us like we’re nuts and we’re left there confused like “Oh shit, I guess I gotta keep some of this to myself”

And that was something that I really digested every time a relationship went bad. I largely chalked it up to exposing too much of my inner demons and being like “crap, I gotta be less ‘me’ if I want these relationships to work out. Something I’m sure a lot of us can relate to.

But Pam never made me feel like that. Even when I really unleash my demons and dig deep she works through it all with me and she always has. It’s really quite spectacular what she’s done for my psyche and how I feel when I’m around her. I feel like I’m ‘me’ and I can say that, not only for me, but for my current circle of friends. Granted we have to be cautious of who’s around and what we say (As some are more PC than others) but I feel like I’m myself for the first time in a loooong time.

2 (Ha! You didn’t even think this was a numbered list and then I was like Pow! Gotcha) She bankrolls a lot of our life.

I really live the opposite of what people say about Gender roles. I do all the cleaning, cooking, and babying and my wife is the main earner. Right now, being on Paternity leave, I make 55% of my regular earnings. Which ain’t much. But my wife, makes twice of what I regularly make and when it comes to video games or going out or really mostly anything (Except my drawing tablet, and clothes) she foots the bill without nary a complaint. Although she did tell me that she was going to kill me if I didn’t draw after (impulse) buying that tablet.

C) (at this point it’s nothing but chaos) She works with me on my sex drive.

Being a Demisexual (a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone), leaning Asexual (the quality or characteristic of having no sexual feelings or desires) can make relationships… difficult to maintain. Matter of fact, if I had to define certain catalyst to relationships bombing it was because I didn’t realize that I was either of those two (Well I realized the Asexuality, just no one believed me so I figured I was wrong) and as such all of my relationships just thought I just wasn’t that into them. And as far as the Demi goes… that really lines up. Because towards the end, I definitely wasn’t that “in” to Rebecca. Which is why I really don’t blame her for the whole house debacle because it was largely on me as well. When I mentioned wanting a house and she said she wasn’t sure that was her dream, I should have kicked her ass to the curb and wished her luck, but comfort is nothing if not addicting.

Regardless!

Pam has worked with me through identifying and adjusting/dealing with those markers. Hence why we’re still together after 3… 4? years. Which is longer than the sex has ever lasted with any past relationship. There’s just something about her that does it for me and being unable to really define it makes me think that it may just be love.

So as much as I bitch and complain about her when I’m sick, there is balance in this relationship and everyone’s support keeps me from loosing my mind so I thank you for that, but I invite you to really think about the one you’re with and why they’re as important as they are, even during those times where you feel like you’re the only one holding it together, we all come out on the other side.