Celebrate Relentlessness in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Oh, dreams.
“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.” T.E. Lawrence
“Dreaming is an act of pure imagination, attesting in all men a creative power, which if it were available in waking, would make every man a Dante or Shakespeare.” H.F. Hedge
“Dreams are illustrations… from the book your soul is writing about you.” Marsha Norman
“”Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.” William Dement
“That which the dream shows is the shadow of such wisdom as exists in man, even if during his waking state he may know nothing about it.... We do not know it because we are fooling away our time with outward and perishing things, and are asleep in regard to that which is real within ourself.” Paracelsus

My dream last night was yet another excursion to the land of What If. Proof that were I not to engage in such thoughts actively, my subconscious mind will fling me to that concept unwillingly. This dream answered a silly question but an important one.

What if I had been just a LITTLE spontaneous, reckless, bidden to the whims of the risky?

In real life, I was good friends with a girl from Florida via Facebook and Open Diary. She was finishing High School while I was starting college. We became close and even spoke on the phone once or twice. I found her interesting, intriguing, beautiful. But we never met as, like always, I was unwilling to make the first move. This dream was a response to that.

What if you had just bought a plane ticket, flown down to Palm Harbor, and hung out for a weekend? This was no “And they lived happily ever after” this was more honest. But it was definitely a moment of “Oh. Damn. I so wish I hadn’t been so… rigid and flawed as a young man.”

The details of the dream are mostly unimportant and not worth mentioning. Just hanging around with Girl and her Family.
At one point, we were driving somewhere and her mother or older sister was driving, I was in the front passenger seat, and Girl was in the backseat. Girl mentioned how we could do this again soon, and I mentioned how flights are a bit cost prohibitive in that regard. She said I should just drive it as it can’t be that far. I said “It’s more than 15 hours drive one way!” To which the driver said, “That would be 30 hours of driving for a short visit. Don’t be rude, you shouldn’t expect that of him.” (In truth, I just looked it up… it would have been over 20 hours of driving on a path that would take me through St. Louis, Nashville, and Atlanta).
Another thing of note was that we weren’t staying at their home. It was being renovated so they were staying in a block of flats along the beach and The Mom continued to complain as to why they had to bring ALL of their televisions with them. There were a lot of them. 2 in the kitchen, 3 in the living room, at least one in each bedroom. And the Living Room TVs were always on Sports Channels and always on DIFFERENT sports channels. So the 22 inch TV was showing Golf, the 30 inch TV had basketball, and the 45 inch TV was showing baseball.
We went to some convention of some kind and as Girl was in the restroom, I started looking around and taking stock of where I was. I saw some of the more Conservative People I knew from Law School mingling about and I saw some monitors blasting Anti-Abortion Rhetoric. It was a Neo-Con Convention. NRA booths, Anti-Abortion preaching… one of the men preaching recognized me from our days in the Religious Studies program at my college. Girl came out of the restroom and settled against my chest in what was unmistakably a romantic gesture.
Lastly, we went back to her place to grab a quick shower before dinner. As a gentleman, I invited her to shower first (a cold shower wouldn’t have hurt me in any way, after all). I heard the shower stop and heard wet feet on hard floor. So I started taking off my clothes, expecting I’d grab a robe and walk to the shower. No sooner had I removed my underwear than the door opened with Girl in a yellow bath towel around her body and a red bath towel around her hair. I quickly grabbed my red shorts to cover my front nudity, and Girl apologized profusely stating that she had forgotten that I was in that room. She left and I grabbed the robe, but instead of going to the shower I took a detour to where she was. I knocked and Girl opened the door a crack so I could see her large brown eyes and little else. I asked, “Weird question but I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t making any dumb mistakes. Is this one of those moments where an accident occurred and we’re going to forget about it, or is this one of those moments where you ‘accidentally’ walk in on me and I ‘accidentally’ walk in on you and in actuality, we wind up naked making out?”

THAT IS WHEN I WOKE UP

So… in some ways… imagine my disappointment. Florida with a young, large breasted girl that I may or may not have been about to make out with… and milliseconds later… Iowa with a wife that, while mostly nude, was sleeping on her stomach and has absolutely zero interest in making out with me. A very buzzkill way to start the day.

Today is another Juvenile Court Monday; but a strange one in that… again… the fireworks won’t start until this afternoon. Fireworks I mean a Father that believes The Government should keep its nose out of his business! Which is actually funny, strange, and amusing in this case. Because, you see, here’s what we’re doing.
Children came to the attention of the government when Mother and Mother’s Boyfriend were pulled over for Driving While High on Meth. In their car, The Government found meth and drug paraphernalia… and all 3 children. Thus, we had to remove the children for their safety. IF AT ALL POSSIBLE we prefer to remove children to the other parent when the parents are not living together. PROBLEM: Dad is nowhere to be found. He’s in a different state all together. So we can’t just send this kid outside of our jurisdiction. Instead, we’ve put the children with a family that loves them and is happy to take care of them. SO OF COURSE Dad is fighting us. The children should be with him if they aren’t going to be with their mother. And there ARE ways that we can make that happen. There really are. But it requires HIS STATE’S government to work with OUR State’s Government. And after 9 months of trying to get THAT STATE to return a phone call, file a report, do anything… we have to proceed. We aren’t in a position to sue THAT state because they aren’t doing their job. HE can if he wants to. If THAT State is erring in such a way as to prevent him from being with his children; he has the cause of action against that state. But we can’t just… spend all of our time (or these kids’ time) trying to get some OTHER state’s DHS Office to do their job. We need to act for these kids and right now… that means following Iowa Law in an effort to (1) rehabilitate mom; (2) IF mom can rehabilitate, return the custody of the children. That’s our legal obligation. That is, apparently, what our afternoon fireworks will be. Trying to argue that “We uh… we have to follow the law. IF you want sole custody of your children and the State DHS where you live isn’t cooperating with us; file for a modification of custody in your divorce case. We’re juvenile Health and Safety… not Custody Court.”

UGH! The above and this should inspire me to make this friends only and the fact that I am not doing so probably shows an unconscious desire for self-destruction; but here goes:

We just discovered who the new Magistrate will be. UNLIKE what I and many others were led to believe, it is NOT the person that was most deserving of the position. And that makes me sad for her and frustrated for us.

You see, this candidate was a WOMAN with a sterling reputation in the law. One of the FEW people that still had the authority to command high respect cases. A woman that hung her own shingle (lawyer term for going into business for yourself) and is managing to do Mom, Wife, Attorney very well. She did not get the position.
You see, the MAN that got the position is one I often complain about. One of the FEW people that doesn’t get along well with anyone (Clerks, Judges, other Attorneys). A man who took over his Father’s firm and almost crushed it under foot through bad behavior until his father and many other attorneys told him to knock that shit off. He got the position.

And… I get it. It is all about Connections for that job. She was a solo practitioner that took cases all over the area. He was a generational practitioner whose family had been practicing relatively locally for years. It (may) have been less to do with gender than it had to do with “roots in the community” or that Old Boy bullshit. But I’m not ignoring the fact that they basically broke it down and came up with the decision they did.

Candidate 1: Woman. Great Reputation. Few ties to the community. Primary Caregiver to Children.
Candidate 2: Man. Tarnished Reputation. Many ties to the community. Only has his children on weekends.
Let’s give it to the man!

In the times between hearings, I am reading up on you folks :) Catching up on what you’ve written, I suppose would be a more honest and accurate description. It is a longer process and one which means I don’t note as often as I want to… but at least I’m catching up :) ;)

As I’m doing that, I’m updating my personal calendar and taking note of things. Like… tomorrow night, allegedly, the new MK 11 DLC Pack comes out. And my Cousin may be in town on Wednesday. And I have a doctor’s appointment (physical) on Friday. And we have couple’s counseling on Saturday. And I have my ENT appointment on Monday. And we leave for Hawaii in about two weeks.

Honestly not sure what I’m going to say at the Couple’s Counselor this weekend. I mean… what? Just walk in and say, “Same old. Same shit, different day. No physical relationship, no emotional closeness. But hey, we’re going on Vacation soon where we’ll really be able to experience this growing divide between us in all new ways!” That’s just it, I guess. In August (i think) we hit the “We’ve been going to counseling for 1 year” stage. In one year, how much progress has been made? How far have we come to a relationship where we both feel like we’re participating and actively working towards a shared life together? And at what point do I turn the conversation from “How do we fix this limbo” to “How can we peacefully end this relationship?” I mean… it still feels like a bit of a betrayal to say that. Our relationship isn’t actively awful so much as it is… legally in effect but little more. And yeah… every person deserves to be in a relationship of love, interactivity, physical connection, emotional connection, safety, etcetera. But this is the relationship I chose. Something safe. Which is why I’m trying so hard to make it something that works. Because if SAFE can also be FUNCTIONAL; that would be ideal. Because it would be really hard to walk away from SAFE. Because without SAFE there’s… Lonely.... there’s Dangerous.... there’s Potentially Ruinous… there’s Will Try To Kill You.... but there’s also potentially Love and Sex and Fun and Good Things. I just… why can’t SAFE have Love and Sex and Fun and Good Things?

That… may have been a bit more brutally honest and self-reflective than I had intended.

To Counter Balance That… a Cracked.com Article and Review!

Cracked.com’s “The Five Worst Changes the MCU Made to the Source Material” by Chris Pauls

With the exception of headings, the material will be mine and not Chris Pauls unless otherwise expressly stated.

In turning Comic Books into Movies, changes to the Source Material are required. I once believed otherwise, thinking that it would be foolish not to simply treat every comics’ panel like a pre-designed STORYBOARD and I would point to Sin City as an example of that. However, even Sin City made some changes to the Source Material (even if not massive) so the statement is false as a matter of course. Changes MUST be made to source material. But those changes shouldn’t be (I would argue) fundamental character differences. Because when you change fundamental things about the characters… then they can’t really be the characters they were. For example: Alex Summers, alias Havok. Since he was in First Class that makes him the older brother of Scott Summers.... if they’re related at all. BUT HERE’S THE THING… Scott was raised in an Orphanage after trying to rescue his LITTLE BROTHER from a plane crash… when they meet again as adults, they don’t recognize each other… and we learn that they are siblings because their powers don’t work against each other! One of various different ways changing source gave us a less cool, less entertaining version of things.

5: The Inciting Event Of Civil War Was Much More Meaningful In The Comics

For those who haven’t heard me discuss this already or don’t know the story… this is so true as to be painful.
In the movie?
It all feels like a weak, rushed, after-thought attempt intended exclusively to try to get us to the Airport scene as fast as we can because look at our amazing fight and set-piece. Some people die, particularly Wakandan Aid Workers, and people are upset. This, along with Ultron’s Sokovia Scheme and the death of the Leader of Wakanda, makes the government think they need to start a Super Human Regisration Act. Tony says, Yeah. Cap says, No. They fight.

In the comics? O.M.G! It is… moving, powerful, and heartbreaking. A group of super humans fancy themselves a Reality Show. Seriously. They do their heroics “for the camera.” They are fighting a group of Super Villains after a particular heist around Stamford, Connecticut. Robbie Baldwin aka SpeedBall (light hearted, good natured kid) tracks one of the villains down. The villain doesn’t want to be arrested… and goes SUPER NOVA. The villain all but eliminates all of Stamford. 612 people died, including 60 children. Robbie survived but was brutally psychologically tormented by his hand in all of those deaths. And ALL OF THIS captured on film, shown live to the world. Between this event, the legacy virus, and a slew of other problems… the public has turned against heroes. Some out themselves. Others are attacked by civilians. Congress calls for a Superhuman Registration Act that will require super humans to be registered with the Government and act according to Government Protocol (thus starting the 50 State Initiative where each state would get a Government Sponsored Super Human Team). This creates moral dilemmas worth exploring. Tony Stark and Reed Richards believe this is the only responsible action in a world of irresponsible people. Registering with the Government will protect heroes AND civilians and it is the right thing to do. After all, Heroes and Villains both consider themselves “above the law” in some regard… this step at least makes Heroes a little bit more clearly on the side of The Law. Surprisingly, Captain America disagrees. This truly shocks Tony because Captain America is already a registered Super Hero with the government. Possibly the first so registered. But Captain America shows (what I believe) to be the true spirit of a Hero. He leads the resistance because he’s thinking about OTHER PEOPLE. It is easy for Tony (out and rich) and Reed (out and rich) to require those same steps be taken by all other super humans. But what about superhumans who are honestly trying to hide?! It would be a crime for them TO EXIST AT ALL without registering. And just because they have powers doesn’t mean they (a) want to use them; (b) want the government to have their full information available at all times; (c) are a threat to anyone. Essentially, Captain America says: Fine, you have the information of all of these Super Humans. What happens if the American People vote in a leader who would use those registrations as a way to round up and exterminate Super Humans? Or force them to fight the wars? Cap thinks, “How badly could this go wrong if it goes wrong?” and acts to say, “My country should not require that an entire group of people give up their liberty, freedom, or safety just because the Government says so.” Granted… Japanese and Muslim Americans and Immigrant Children are all IRL examples of where we failed to meet that ideal… but that’s the point. Cap lost. The Ideal America doesn’t exist. And Civil War was a series that tackled hard concepts about security, surveillance, liberty, the nature of heroism… it had heart and ideas!

4: The MCU Really Flubbed The Mandarin (Repeatedly)

The Mandarin is… a problematic character. ALL OVER THE PLACE. I believe his original design was a White Dude Obsessed with The Orient who received Ten Magic Rings and fought against technology as he saw it as an affront to the True Wonders of Life (magic, etc). I think. I could be wrong about that. But… yeah. You have an Arch Nemesis of Tony Stark that is Yellow Face Magic Man… difficult to bring to screen!!!

But there are versions of him that can be done acceptable. Do the one where he is an ancestor of Genghis Khan (there are literally millions of them) and discovers an alien vessel that houses the TEN RINGS. He is a disciplined Martial Artist and a strict man who of course hates Tony Stark. Done. Easy. Powerful Enemy that is less racist and uses alien tech (already a thing in the MCU) to be a super villain. Done. Easy.

MCU apparently… didn’t see it that way?? Iron Man 1 they reference the Ten Rings (name of the group that kidnaps Tony). In Iron Man 3, it appears that they may do a version of the Mandarin that, while isn’t faithful to source, is still ominous. Ben Kingsley as a threatening terrorist calling himself The Mandarin. Except… this whole movie was based on the Iron Man Comics’ Series Extremis so… it turns out that the Mandarin is really just an actor who makes it look like explosions are intentional when those explosions are actually just Extremis People blowing up.

Except… that wasn’t the real Mandarin at all either. A short on a Thor DVD Extra Feature suggests that there really IS a Mandarin that exists and is UPSET at the usurper’s use of his name and terrorist dogma. Uhm. K. But that feels a bit J.K. Rowling to me. Like… if Dumbeldore is gay, put it in the books… don’t announce it after the books are finished. If The Mandarin isn’t just some bufoonish stupid added red herring… put it in the movies.

3: Comics Hank Pym Has A Much Darker, More Complex Past

Ever since Avengers came out, I’ve been upset about the treatment of Hank Pym. I mean… yeah, the guy is a COMPLICATED and HARD TO DIGEST DUDE. He became a spouse abuser, accidentally created a robot bent on the destruction of humanity, turned into a straight up super villain… he’s… a hard dude to like in the grand scheme of things. But that’s why he’s important. Everyone is tripping over themselves to turn Superman into Batman or turn ANY hero into The Dark Knight. You don’t need to. You need to appreciate the characters for who they are because if you do it properly you can explore the INDIVIDUAL darknesses of people. Instead of “We need dark!” You can get specific and personal. Besides… eliminating Hank Pym removed the most important thematic part of the first Avengers Movie.

I’ve written about this before but this is a good place to re-state it. In the original Avengers comic, the founders included Tony Stark, Thor, Hank Pym, and others. The concept there was that all of these people are individually great heroes but they were facing a foe that none of them could beat individually. They fought Loki together. The phrase AVENGERS ASSEMBLE became their rallying cry. And in the end? Hank Pym struck the decisive blow by overwhelming Loki with ants. The Large Villainous God brought down by the lowly Ant… because the Ants Assembled… and thematically, the concept was clear: no matter what your power individually, by working together we can always overcome any foe. So you know… the whole POINT of the Avengers.

Plus… Hank Pym created Ultron. And it makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE for him to have created Ultron than for Tony Stark to have done so! Hank Pym’s biggest issue is about Control. Whether he is a good guy or a bad guy; he wants to control things. Ultron, based on his OWN mind, was to be the ultimate tool of Heroics… to SAVE HUMANITY. Ultron, because he was created with the flaws of his creator Hank Pym, realized that TO SAVE HUMANITY the best path forward was to DESTROY AND REPLACE HUMANITY. This caused Hank Pym to spiral into depression. Further and further; further and further. You couldn’t do that kind of a spiral with Tony. Hell, they never even COVERED Tony’s rehabilitation from Alcoholism… and that’s as dark as that character got. Hank? You could really press that “fuck” button.

1. Against All Odds, The MCU Screwed Up Quicksilver

OBVIOUSLY. Sorry to say, and the writer gets into this instantly, but you can’t do QUICKSILVER or SCARLET WITCH at a time when Mutants, Magneto, Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, and everything connected to those things is owned by Fox Studios. Why? Because of what I said at the beginning. You can’t fundamentally change a character and expect them to be the exact same in every other way. Wanda and Pietro Maximoff are mutants and the children of Magneto. That’s… who they are, man. Magneto bore children with a Gypsy, the children were born in Siberia and were mutants. Magneto spent their formative years either entirely absent or ROYALLY fucking up his kids. Like… that’s who they are. The most important thing Wanda Maximoff aka Scarlet Witch ever DID was fuck up all of Mutant-kind because she was having a psychotic episode and was pissed at Daddy. If you can’t even so much as SAY “mutant”… you can’t do Scarlet Witch or Quicksilver.

Sadly, I think the movie creators KNEW this. What’s worse… I think that they knew the X-Men movies were using Quicksilver and therefore (being able to, y’know, SAY mutant) would do Quicksilver better. So they quickly killed off the character. No story arc about coming to terms with being a hero after villainy… no coming to terms with wanting to protect his sister and developing weird relationship issues because of that… no tortured angst about trying to live his life in a way that makes up for the evil of his father. Nope. Just… poof… here, HYDRA, good guy, dead. BYE! It was sadly just… a vehicle for getting Wanda into the Avengers. And let’s be honest… she needs to be there. Her romance with Vision, Vision’s subsequent death, the Avengers Disassembled, the events of M Day, The House of M… shit everything after M DAY! Wanda is an epicenter for important stories… if they wanted to do them. So… they looked at the twins and thought, “Wanda is definite. Pietro not as much.”

1. Jarvis As The Vision Just Totally Sucked

Blah. Blah. Blargh, Boo. And POOP! ALL OVER how they dealt with Jarvis. Don’t get me wrong. There are obvious things that need to be given credit; but all in all? BOOOOO!

First, Jarvis was NOT initially a Computer. This is not because it could not be conceived of. These are the people that created MODOK, the Brood, the Shi’ar, the Skrulls, the Kree, Ultron, LMDs… seriously, they could have made Jarvis a robot or some shit at his original design. But he wasn’t. Edwin Jarvis is basically like Woodhouse from Archer. He served in her Majesty’s Air Force during WW2, then became a servant of Howard Stark and his wife. After they died, he was a parental figure to Tony and was a way to help step in and remind him of who his father was. Granted, they changed this because Jarvis is too much like Alfred Pennyworth of Batman. I understand why they changed that. But Edwin Jarvis moved on to become the caretaker and butler of Avenger’s Mansion. Captain America himself specifically said that Jarvis is “just as much of an Avenger as (he) was!” Edwin Jarvis is an avenger. He’s fought with/dealt with Anger’s heroes and villains. He babysits the most powerful child on the planet (Franklin Richards). Edwin Jarvis deserves respect.

Second, The Vision was NOT based on Edwin Jarvis. Ultron created Vision (that part they kept) as his first Ultimate Robot Replacement for Humanity. Whereas Ultron was based on Hank Pym’s brain patterns… the Vision was based on the then-deceased Simon Williams’ brain patterns. Simon Williams is also known as Wonder Man. Simon Williams (and his brother Grim Reaper) are both enhanced individuals that were enhanced by enemies of the Avengers. Simon was meant to infiltrate the Avengers and then betray them. Eventually, Simon becomes a good guy, if celebrity and fame whore. The Vision, then, is THE BEST of Simon Williams. In a beautiful mirror of what Ultron was. If Ultron is the worst of Hank Pym, then Vision is the best of Simon Williams. He betrays his creator, joins the Avengers, becomes a dedicated and honorable member of the Avengers, falls in love and marries Wanda Maximoff… it’s all really cool and brilliant. Granted, they changed this because they did not do Ultron through Hank Pym nor did they wish to introduce Simon Williams and the whole Wonder Man arc.

Third, Paul Bettany was a good choice for Vision. The Vision should have an intelligent, calm, commanding voice that can equally SAVE THE WORLD and INTIMIDATE ENEMIES. So… I’m not shitting on his performance. And if we have to do Jarvis to Vision… good on Paul.

But seriously… Edwin Jarvis and The Vision deserve better. Even if I can honestly see the reasons for the decisions… they deserve better.