Enter the Mundane in Life

I’m not dead, I promise! I just kinda… feel like I’m dead.

The past couple of days have not been easy or great ones so you’ll probably notice a tone shift as this is basically a hit piece against my family but hey, I’m here to de-stress and let it all out (shout, shout) because that’s what I need to do, but we can get into that later.

So my average day as a stay at home (Pat Leave ‘till November) dad is as follows:

Wake up around 7 or 8 with the bay-bay, feed her, change her see if I can get her to nap again until around 930 which is when Pam connects into a business meeting (Scrum? I think is the technical term) and that usually wakes up the baby because Pam talks on Mic like people owe her money and she’s out for blood.

Once baby wakes up, the schedule repeats and it goes Feed, Change, Play (Tummy time, here try chewing on this, why won’t this fit in my mouuuuuuth?? etc) then around 11am the baby goes down for a big nap until about 1 or 2 (Sometimes 3 depending if she can make it to noon)

Rinse, repeat. Usually when Elly wakes up around 2-3 that’s the last nap for the day so we chill and play and then 5pm comes around and my wife “Takes over”

And by “Takes over” she sits there beside the baby on her cell phone wondering why the baby won’t sleep and comments on how tired she looks and Pam usually continues on in disbelief while borderline ignoring the baby. Granted, like I said, this is a hit piece, I’m not in a good mood, I’m sick, I’m tired…

I’m bitchy.

Eventually what happens is I feel guilty for my wife ignoring our child so I take her into the kitchen to watch me cook dinner or something more visually stimulating than looking at Mom on her phone. The child’s attraction to Technology like Controllers and Phones is already at fanatic level (at 6 months old she sees that thing she wants that thing, a fervor she doesn’t match with her toys)

After I make dinner and clean up after dinner Pam had (past tense because of the last 2 days, don’t worry, I’m getting there) decided to change up the baby’s routine to feed her baby-safe-oatmeal right before bed thinking that it would keep her fuller longer. For all experienced accounts that was wrong. So very wrong.

And I love my wife but again, this is a hit piece. She is so completely out of tune with out child. I’m hoping this changes as Elly gets older but it just blows my mind how much she doesn’t understand her.

So moving on to the past two days and the late-oatmeal experiment. The first night the baby work up at 430am (Side note, I. am. not. a. morning. person.) for what I believed was a change, Pam stayed in bed for this because I am not a morning person and I honestly think a baby waking up is a 1 person job, she does not agree, but that’s day 2… So I wake up at 430 because baby did a closed mouth scream (She doesn’t cry, she just wails like shes’ being abducted with a hand over her mouth so it comes out like mmmMMMM!!!) So I get up, change her, put her down on the couch because she has a corner of the sectional that she likes and we both go back to sleep. Being 430 I didn’t feel like putting her back in her crib when I was just gonna be up an hour or two later anyway.

That day goes fine, I’m tired but whatever not every day can be a win, brush it off as a fluke and move on.

Day 2. ho ho ho day 2…

Elly wakes up at 3am. Angry. Which is hiiiighly unusualy. But Mama takes the bullet because we’re pretty good about switching off every other time. So she gets up and starts rubbing her belly and re-affixing the soother and looking on in confusion over the crib like “I don’t get it! I’ve tried nothing and I’m outta ideas!” (Literally, she said she didn’t know what’s wrong) So I step in, frustrated by the lack of awareness, compounded by the fact that it’s 3am and I’ve only been asleep for 2 hours at best. I’m like “She needs a change and she’s hungry” I speak baby, I know her cries pretty well. I don’t know how I know her cries, there’s just a part that’s like “Yep, it’s option A” So I change her out of a wet diaper while Pam hovers and talks about how we need to give her Kolik meds and I’m thinking (Angrily) ‘It’s not that, you’re so off base, she’s hungry because this late-night oatmeal isn’t working’ So I mention that and say “Maybe we should switch her oatmeal time and go back to giving her a big bottle before bed and she says… And she SAYS “Well then you’ll have to take care of that”

Twitch crack

I almost. Very nearly said “Sure! Why not, I do every-fucking thing else, why not that too, at least I know it’ll fuckin’ get done”

But instead what I said was “Sure” with an ample amount of salt that was not lost on her so she decided that was the best time to argue her point and say that she doesn’t have the time to do it.............................................. (As he angrily holds down the period key, finger going white like the hottest part of a flame - or something equally poetic, don’t quote me for science facts.
I’m not smart - I’m clever, there’s a difference)

• Oop here goes the Owing Money volume again. Perfect, baby slept for a half hour during what should be her 3 hour nap… fuck me, go back to work -

Deep breath

So Anyway, after attempting to argue her point at 3am in the morning I’m just like “Just go back to bed, I got this” I don’t like to work with someone hovering, if you’re not helping gtfo of my way. And that was part of it that bothered me “She should take some Kolik stuff, where is it?” - “right there” - “Where’s the syringe” - “Over there” like a) It blows my mind that she doesn’t know where half these things are and b) It doesn’t surprise me at all, which is sad, to me.

Moving past that, Pam goes back to bed, I prep a bottle, baby eats, boom - out like a light. So I sleep on the couch with her again because fucked if I was gonna go back into the bedroom and fight with trying to get her to go down in the crib when I know I can plop her in her corner and she’s out twice as easy (Yes, I realize that this is setting her up to get used to her corner and not her crib, I’m digging my future grave, I’m very aware)

So once day 2 starts for Pam I have slept maybe 4-5 hours in the past two days, Pam has done nothing to help pick up the slack and I’m still doing it all.

Here’s a fun thing about my thirties. I realized that when I don’t get sleep, I get sick. Instantly. Like it’s this bizarre realization that as my sleep declines I get cold and flu like symptoms and if I get a good sleep it’s almost instantly gone.

Anyway, yesterday I was real sick all day but Dad’s don’t get days off so I power through it, still taking care of the baby, making dinner, cleaning etc. and by the time the night comes around I’m toast. I’m angry, I’m tired and I feel like shit.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m just incredibly frustrated by feeling like I’m going it alone. I recognize I’m not, and I know there are single parents out there doing a lot more with a lot less. This is just a bitch-piece I just need to rage and be done with it because if I let it linger (do you have to, do you have to let it lingeeeer) it will become a much bigger problem and now I can say my piece and move on. Even though I really wish she would stop working from home and go back to work.

I swear she’s really a great wife, I’m just in a mood y’know? I know you know.

Mood: Bitchy 😒
Music: My wife on a conference call talking like the person on the other end of the line is deaf, also my groaning baby who is now awake. 🤷‍♀️