A Five Facts, Welcome DE in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I did not go home this afternoon. I stayed at the office and did work. But I had my lights off and no tie on so… that’s kind of like going home, right?

I am likely to pull out of here early. AND I’m likely to upset my wife. That’s just a given some days. But my plans for after work are (1) Go to Store to buy Vanilla Ice Cream, Root Beer, and Whiskey. (2) Go to DQ to order lunch. (3) Go home to give Wife my fries and eat my lunch. (4) Work on training with Nala. (5) Watch dumb TV w/Wife. (6) Maybe make Root Beer Float or Adult Root Beer Float and play video games. (7) Maybe practice some rather adult level self care.

As for right now until I actually leave… I’ve seen a number of people post some surveys lately as a way of saying “Hi, new friends! Here’s some info about me if you’re curious. We’re sorry to hear about DE going away, we’ve been there, and are glad you’ve found a home with us! We’re excited to get to know many of you and look forward to future interactions!”

FIVE FACTS SURVEY

Five facts about your current relationship. Skip if single.

1) I met my wife in 2005 when a girl I was interested in but intimidated by brought her out to the club.
2) The night we met, I wanted this woman to be in my life. She was interesting, beautiful, active, and had hobbies that sounded amazing.
3) After that first night, I discovered she was living with her long time boyfriend. She was one of the only people at my 21st Birthday Party that knew me or cared about me at all. After that night, I decided that I couldn’t stand to be around her if I had to ignore the way I felt about her and swore off going to the clubs.
4) She was so upset to not see me at the clubs anymore, that she demanded my friend give her my phone number. She called me and told me she needed to come over. That night she told me that she would rather be homeless than live without me in her life. The next day she started looking for apartments.
5) We’ve been married since July 2, 2011. It has NOT been easy. We barely survived law school… but honestly most marriages don’t survive law school. But ever since then… my Wife and my entire relationship has been… broken. Something is very wrong and we’re again getting to a point of “It either needs to be fixed, or we need to be done with this.”

Five facts about a past relationship
1) My past experience has been neither ‘abundant’ nor ‘pleasant’. There were many girls of random value and interaction but even if I count them among “women I’ve dated”, I’d say the vast majority could never be said to be Girlfriends.
2) The first girl I ever really TRULY felt was my girlfriend dated me for 3 months and then, shortly after her 16th birthday, broke up with me… due to, what I still believe, was her knowledge that I would not support under-age heavy drinking.
3) After that, it was about a year until my next ACTUAL girlfriend. A girl I refer to in these pages as “Buffy” or “The Saint”. She was and is amazing. Beautiful, intelligent, passionate in her faith, an incredible woman. So much so that I couldn’t engage physically with her. I felt I was so far beneath her that to even so much as kiss her would be like smudging the Mona Lisa.
4) A few months after Buffy ended, I found myself (this is true) tied to a tree against my will being threatened and shamed into asking a girl out. This is the girl I refer to as Aku or Crazy Ex Girlfriend. It was abusive. In every way. A nightmare for 8 months of my life. And, honestly, other than my Wife? The longest actual dating relationship I ever had. And one of only three relationships that involved any sexual contact.
5) I didn’t date seriously again for a long time after that. The next time I was in ‘relationship’ head space, I was pursuing the best friend of a good friend of mine. She made me chase her for a whole year. This was who I refer to as Thompson. Chased her for a year only to have a long distance relationship where she honestly didn’t really want to do anything to reciprocate the relationship. She just liked telling people she had a boyfriend who did nice things for her.

Five facts about your mother
1) My mom grew up in both Minnesota and Iowa, spending most of her time in Iowa, but had the Minnesota accent until her 40s.
2) She is the eldest of 4 sisters and is very possibly the only one with decent mental health.
3) My mom was one of those Over Involved Mother Community Figures that couldn’t say No to someone if her life depended on it. Shortly before turning 50, she really learned that she wasn’t “letting people down” by not volunteering for absolutely EVERYTHING and that has made the last 16 years a lot better for her.
4) My mom is SUPER Norwegian. Like… took Norwegian in college Norwegian.
5) My mom loves music and taught music for her whole life. She still teaches and plays violin in the Church Orchestra.

Five facts about your father
1) My father grew up in a 1950s Salesman Home where he and his brother got to see the Titans of the Industry eat dinner at their house.
2) My father was the “rebellious screw up with delinquent friends” as a student but as these were different times, he never got into any serious trouble.
3) In College, my Dad found Jesus in a BIG way and decided to follow his father into the same business that his father and father’s father were in.
4) He loves his wife and loves his life most days.... but you don’t have to know him really well to know that he is also a man filled with some regrets about the direction his life has taken.
5) He is abrasive, rude, and can often be a total ass. But he is also kind, gentle, and can be a very loving man. I genuinely think a lot of my Harvey Two Faced dichotomy comes from my father.

Five facts about your sibling. If you have more than one, pick one. Or do them all!
1) I have one older brother who was born approximately 1288 days before me.
2) When he was a small child, he was very heavy and developed a bit of a complex about it.
3) He has a natural gift for artwork the likes of which would have made him a bonafide master in Renaissance times… all mediums… sculpture, photography, sketch, pencil, charcoal, pastels, paints… even digital mediums!
4) However, largely due to the underlying complex about his weight… he dedicated himself to getting into the Navy and excelling
5) After his first four years, he decided not to re-enlist and went to college. He now owns and runs his own Biomedical company.

Five facts about your house
1) It is the first house I’ve ever bought and only the THIRD house I’ve lived in
2) It was not my first choice at all; but even if we did spend a little more than we wanted to, I think it was a good choice
3) Apart from the fact that it is just near enough town while also being just far enough to town; we are perfectly positioned to hear concerts in the Town Center and the Football Field.
4) The only things I really wanted in a house were: a basement to spend my time in, a garage to protect my car from the elements, a yard so we could get a dog, and a kitchen large enough to actually cook in.
5) After growing up in 2 Story Houses, I never ever would have thought I’d prefer a Ranch Style but… our house is a ranch style and I’m not sure I’d ever change it.

Five facts about your niece or nephew. If you have more than one, pick one. Or do them all! Skip if you don’t have one.
1) My niece was born in September but her father told us it was September 29th… it was September 25th, lol!
2) When my brother told me that he and his wife were pregnant, I basically needed proof as my SIL had long said she was not interested in having children.
3) My niece is friggin adorable and it is dangerous! When she was really little, she would leap into a room full of joy and triumphantly announce “Here I am!” and it was cute as all hell!
4) That being said… she is a little girl and runs straight to crying to get her way. I still remember when I hurt my back, she asked me to chase her around the house and I said no. She started bawling. My brother said, “Just play with her, dude!” But my SIL was smart enough to use it as a teaching moment telling her, “Sometimes people can’t or don’t want to play and we have to respect that just as we would want them to respect you if you didn’t want to play.”
5) My niece was born the September of my last year of Law School, so for my Law School Hooding we have lots of great pictures of little baby girl in Wife’s lap or my arms.

Five facts about your education
1) I graduated high school from Valley High School; a fact that has long dogged me as people tend to instantly thing I’m wealthy and binge-drank as a teen.
2) I originally decided on Undergraduate College based on who was willing to give me the most money. I received an Acting Scholarship.
3) After a year in the theater program, I realized that I did not want to continue in that world professionally. Not enough stability. Eventually, I got my Bachelor of Arts degree in Religious Studies.
4) I actively toured seminaries, considering the clergy as a decent way to use my heart and intellect to help people. After I started dating my now-Wife, I decided that I’d prefer to use my mind to help people instead of my heart.
5) In pursuit of Helping People with my Mind, I decided to go to Law School. I graduated from my BA program in 2007 and started Law School in 2011… so I had about 4 years to really make my mind up.

Five facts about your job
1) I was (mistakenly or not) considered to have “worked almost every job you can think of” after college. I’ve worked in Grocery Stores, Theater Shops, Corporate Offices, Guerrilla Marketing (out of an H1), Cineplexes, Kitchens, Shoe Stores, Counselors, Churches, Telemarketing Offices, Best Buy, Department of Corrections, County Prosecutor Offices, and Chinese-American Private Law Firms.
2) I went to Law School with the desire to be a prosecutor so the fact that two of my first 3 jobs as an attorney was Prosecutor is fairly lucky.
3) Some people could say that I wanted the job because of power, or money, or benefits, or a more family-friend schedule… and those are all GREAT perks, don’t get me wrong. But ultimately, I saw the job as THE place to help people with the law.
4) Sometimes my entries may seem calloused or downright dismissive of people; and that’s true. There are some people I am quick to dismiss. Because, as I said, I got into this job to help people. But this kind of job really shows you PEOPLE and you start considering things. There are some people that NEED HELP but will refuse it until the day they die. You can’t spend all of your energy and time trying to help them because the more time and energy you sink into them; the less you have for someone who might actually WANT and NEED that help.
5) The most important thing for me to remember in my job is that if I do my job perfectly we’re still dealing with terrible situations. Yes, I might put your abuser in jail for 60 days. But we both know that time doesn’t stop. So we need to work on what happens after those 60 days and we need to make sure you have all of those resources before we get out of this case.

Five facts about your pet. If you have more than one, pick one. Or do them all!
Nala
1) Nala was born December 8, 2018; we adopted her March 30, 2019.
2) Initially, she was in a cage with her sister. We saw both dogs at the same time, and really connected to the dog that was calm and wanted to sit and be pet. The shelter told us her name was Nalli.
3) We went to the front of the shelter and waited for us to bring out the dog. They brought her out to us and we took her home… when we noticed that this dog looked EXACTLY like the dog we wanted except for the markings on her right front paw. Apparently, the Shelter got it wrong… we did get Nalli, but we had wanted her sister Narva.
4) After bringing the dog home, we weren’t just going to take her back so we decided to make the best of it. Wife couldn’t say Nalli and kept calling her Nala, so I said that we were officially going to name her Nala then. After a few days, we agreed that the name Arapaima would also have been appropriate… girl has energy and flings herself at people!
5) The dog’s full name is Nala Bear Poopeater (Family Last Name). It wasn’t long after the name Nala that Wife started calling her Nala Bear so we made it her official middle name. A few weeks into seeing how she behaved… it seemed that Nala was very clear in telling us “my middle name is Eating Poop!” so… there ya go. Nala Bear Poopeater.

Five facts about your phone
1) It took me forever to get a smart phone because I liked my flip phone, dammit
2) It’s a Samsung of some kind
3) I was super happy for the day that I could remove WeChat thereby severing the leash from China to my direct line
4) The phone is SUPER temperamental for some reason and often does not let me connect to Pintrest and many of my games just.... randomly
5) If I could speak in nothing but E-Mail as my only form of communication, I’d be happy

Five facts about the city/town you live in
1) We’ve only been here since October!
2) We’re a river town in that we have a big river and a lot of our community is about The River… but we’re NOT a river town in that we don’t generate a lot of commerce from the river or tourism
3) It is considered officially a Scenic City which has requirements as far as number of View Points and City Appearance
4) The town has been around since 1856, so it is a Northern Town in a Northern State that Predates the Civil War… which is why I personally get damned upset when I see assholes flying a Confederate Battle Flag.
5) While the town, like most small Iowa towns, is certainly Conservative… there is an active Democrat Party in it; which is a damned sight more than I can say for when I lived in Tiny Town.

Five facts about you right now (it could be what you’re wearing, how you’re feeling, what you’re doing)
1) I have not bathed since Monday morning and I’m honestly not exactly proud of that fact
2) I typically have to wear the same pair of pants for the entire work week
3) One thing about being Head Cold Sick is that it balances my other pains so my legs are surprisingly NOT killing me right now
4) If I had to chose between being completely over this illness and having my most satisfying sexual fantasy come true… I’d demand to have the Magic Person tell me what my most satisfying sexual fantasy is because I honestly have no idea!
5) The one wish, genuinely, that I would have if I could… would be for my Wife to get herself sorted. Whether that means she wakes up tomorrow and realizes, “The happiest life possible for her requires her filing for divorce, joining the Peace Corp and traveling to Ghana” or if it just means she wakes up tomorrow and thinks, “I’m not overwhelmed, I am capable, I know both what I need to do and how I need to do it, so I shall.”.... I’m okay either way.