Mental Health, Illness and NSFW in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Yesterday when I went home… I knew I was sick. It wasn’t just the heat. SO I stayed home and worked with the dog while Wife went to go workout. Some positives some negatives. Let me post the requirements

As Needed: Work on Door Manners. Nala must sit, stay, and wait for a release command when going inside or outside the house.
3 Times a Day: Work on Come Commands. Have Nala pull on the leash or be distracted from you; tell her to come and reward her when she comes to you and sits.
1 Hour a Day: Work on Crate Training. Have Nala go to her crate when you tell her to, shut her in for an hour, and when you take her out, do so in line with the Door Manners training.

That’s it. That’s all we’re supposed to work on until the next session; which is good. So I spent time with Door Manners. Nala… has it down fairly well. We even did it without the leash. She’s not perfect, nor do I expect her to be. But waiting, seeing the command, and coming… all good. Sitting at the end? Not as much but it makes sense since she’s like, “I need to pee. Why do you want me to sit after going outside to pee? Can’t I just pee?” The distracted training is also going super well except we’re not doing enough to distract her. Typically, it becomes an instant of she makes eye contact with us and comes to us. Which is part of it; but we just need to keep running the practices. As to crate? I tried to get her to go to crate on command; but she had a good argument. Her reaction was mostly, “Dude, you’ve been gone all day. I’m willing to do whatever you want except the thing that means you and I are separated for another hour. So… doors, walks, No Bite, whatever you want to do is good as long as it isn’t something that says we can’t hang out.”

Wife came back from her workout and played with the dog some in the yard. I kind of just lay on the couch wishing my throat wasn’t so sore, wishing my body wasn’t so sore. Wife came inside and gave me a big hug and a very heartfelt, “I love you.” I was thinking, “I’m not that sick but thanks!” She told me that she was just feeling super overwhelmed about the dog training. And for most of the evening she worried herself sick to the point of a headache. About the dog training?! I get it. She wants to make sure we’re not mean to the dog, she wants to make sure the dog learns discipline and good behavior, she’s… waaAaAaay overthinking like always. Just make sure the dog behaves and that’s it. We’re not “breaking the dog” we’re helping the dog. We’re not “defining who she is” we’re directing her to be the best version of herself she can be. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ Wife is going to be like this until she isn’t… and I hope that she makes the wise choice to look into the ways that she can be NOT constantly overwhelmed by everything.

After dinner and Jeopardy and watching the premiere episode of The Weekly, it was around 9:15 p.m. I wasn’t feeling great. I was trying to figure out if I should go to bed or go to the basement. Wife suggested I simply stay in the living room with her and watch BBC TV on YouTube. I was honestly going to. Rather give in to the illness inertia and take the choice that required me to NOT move. Until I remembered that downstairs would be a cooler temperature and that was enough to sell me on it!

At about 10:30, I came back upstairs and got into bed. Wife got into bed (telling me it was just for a moment) and cuddled against me hugging my arm. I’d like to believe this was her way of comforting me as I felt ill; but I know better. This was her seeking comfort because she was feeling (still) overwhelmed about pretty much everything in general. The Dog Training, Okoboji next week, Hawaii in July… just feeling overwhelmed. She left after a bit and I tried to sleep. My attempts were mostly futile. At about 11:30, Wife came back to bed for good and I think after that I was out by Midnight.

I woke up this morning when my first alarm went off at 6. My original intention had been to wake up at 6, eat breakfast, take a long shower, feed the dog, let the dog out, and go to work. My first alarm went off at 6 and it felt like I had just hit the “Okay” button when suddenly my second alarm went off. What?! How had an hour passed already? It was 7:00?! Okay, okay… that was weird. Clearly, I’m feeling super ill. I need to go to work for at least half a day today, though, because I have depositions at 9 and a hearing at 11. I have to make it at least through that. SO I turned over on my side to push up off the bed and caught sight of my wife. The sun playing against her pale white skin, she was sleeping comfortably on her back. Her right arm raised over her head, the sheets stopping just at her nipple exposing the top of her right breast and the signature mole that rests on the top right. Asleep and partially uncovered… she’s amazing. As is the mantra for her: When she isn’t getting in her own way, she is truly amazing. Free of her overthinking, unburdened by her imaginary obsessions with failure… simply existing as herself in that moment… she was powerfully beautiful. I don’t mind telling you I was remarkably erect. Obviously, a problem I didn’t get to deal with. For one thing, waking Wife for that reason would be unacceptable even if I did have time for it. For another thing, there was no time for it at all. I had been in bed so long that I didn’t even have time to shower or take Nala outside. So as a consolation, I put Nala on the bed and Nala instantly went to Wife and snuggled into her arms. Wife’s face blossomed into a large, contented smile as she returned the puppy snuggles. I got dressed and left the bedroom making sure to put water and food into Nala bowls on my way out.

And so Work A.M. My voice is an octave lower than usual, I can’t hear out of my right ear, my entire body feels like every inch of it needs to be cracked… so I think that I’ll try to get out of here early today.

Go through Depositions this morning: Domestic Violence where Wife lost her mind, destroyed the house (we have the photos) and cut her man to ribbons. But of course, the man is saying “I don’t want this to go to court or get out.” SO… I offered a fantastic plea deal but Defendant doesn’t want it without Depositions because she “can’t believe her man would turn on her like this!” Even worse… this got some press early on (y’know, man stabbed and everything!) so Boss is worried that the Press will eat us alive for not “prosecuting to the full extent.” And… that is the part of DV Law that pisses me off more than anything. I’m going to do THE BEST I CAN to protect folks, to make the law work, to put a stop to Domestic Violence. But at some point… the problems in a Couple’s Relationship shouldn’t be State Policy. If Dude asks for his wife to be let off, Wife has ZERO past criminal history, and I can broker a deal where she has to take responsibility and seek help… I think it is horseshit that I then have to worry about what Madam Not Involved Newspaper Subscriber is going to think about the plea deal. I know we live in an environment where EVERYTHING about the law and the government is EVERYBODY’S business but at some point… I just want to say, “Trust me to do what I can. That’s why I was hired. If you don’t like what I’m doing, maybe try to figure out logical and predictable reasons why the outcome may not have been what you thought it should be. Like, for instance, the fact that other than the charge you have no idea what the facts of the case are and, therefore, shouldn’t have come to a Judgment on the damned thing to begin with.”
Get through Magistrate Court this morning: There are only two things total on the schedule. If my schedule is missing a half dozen things, I’m going to be pissed. It would be MUCH better if it was as slim as it looks!
Work on Next Week Prep to make sure nothing surprises Boss while I’m at Training Conference.

Then… likely… excuse myself from work. Go home, change into sweatpants and sweatshirt; go to the basement, curl up in a blanket, play video games, take a nap, jerk off. The usual. Just… try to feel better.

Though have we heard about this bullshit politically? Despite the China Tariffs proving over and over again that they hurt America more than China (seriously… our farmers are getting hit HARD), Trump has announced Tariffs for Mexico and India. Why? Because of Trump’s GO TO phrase: “Treating us very unfairly.” Is it just me or does he say that about EVERYTHING?! The Democrats treat me very unfairly. The media treats me very unfairly. The UN treats the US very unfairly. China treats us very unfairly. Mexico doesn’t do enough to stem immigration to the US, very unfair. India doesn’t treat us fairly. Do you know why none of us should be surprised that Donald Trump repeats this phrase? Have you ever met a spoiled brat? Because I grew up with them. And that’s the repeated phrase. The child may vacation in Tahiti every year on a private yacht; but if he wants an Ice Cream Cone and another child has an Ice Cream Cone… that isn’t fair! The child may have all the breaks; go to the best schools, wear the finest clothes, drive the best cars; but if he can’t get the Prom Queen and the dumpy kid with a good heart does… that isn’t fair! A spoiled brat, especially a spoiled brat who felt unloved by his parents, will always see the world as unfair if they don’t have EVERYTHING THEY WANT. And now the United States is being run by a man who epitomizes that particular reality. I want THIS… I’m not getting it… SO UNFAIR!!

We interrupt this stream of images to have a short shout.

GRARGH! So… I posted (on Facebook, hush, I know) an article written by a Jewish New York Mom about how her son became radicalized by the Alt Right before coming to his senses and realizing that hatred of women, blacks, liberals, and jews (yes, they even got him to hate Jews) was just… not intelligently backed up by facts and reality. So I posted this.

NOT SURPRISED that Neo-Nazi DnD Dude wanted to shit allll over it. #FakeArticle “Pearl clutching closed-minded writer”. REALLY? REALLY?! Let’s say, for example, that you are a faithful reform Muslim family living in America. You’re peaceful, you’re community members, you’re living your lives. Suddenly, your 13 year old son comes home and says that Muslims are Terrorists. Your 13 year old son comes home and wonders why Muslims abuse women? Your 13 year old son comes home and asks, “Why do you hate white people?” Pearl clutching? And then suggesting that “extremism can’t be fought with extremism. You can’t fight White Supremacists by refusing to let them speak!” Fucking… nope. NOPE nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. I should have said it at the last DnD group when fucker was showing around a knife with the Nazi Swastika and SS Lightning Bolts but I’m sure as fuck going to say it now: I will not be a member of any group where that man is welcome. Even if it prevents me from EVER playing DnD again anywhere… not happening. I don’t want to nor am I willing to put up with his bullshit if that bullshit is in person. I’ll tolerate it online as the cost of doing business. But I’m not going to subject myself to him in person because I will punch him.

No wonder Steve King has won 9 terms in a row. Fucking underbelly of Iowa isn’t just Conservative, isn’t just Pro-Trump… apparently is actively hateful. Who knew that Iowa Nice was hiding such foul beliefs?