Just call me Tom Petty in Current Events

My anxiety got a little high the instant my brother in law came home. I felt like I was in trouble. So now there is all this imaginary tension between us. I can barely look at him which is so lame of me. He hasn’t said anything to me about anything. I’m just dreading the moment he asks me how the job hunt is going. I don’t know how I am going to say “it’s not going.” He is on this side quest to get this house in order. My niece has been acting up and lashing out ever since her brother was born. Classic behaviour. Their enormous dog is also acting up, as she always does when her owner leaves for weeks at a time. I just don’t know where I stand. Does he think that I am mooching off of them? I was invited to move in here four years ago so that I could pay off my debt and save up money. Now that is debt is gone and I’m living off of my savings. That was the whole purpose of me living here and now that I am not doing that, he could be thinking that I should be thrown out on to the street? I do know that they want this space in the basement. I was supposed to be moving out this month. I can’t even bring myself to talk to Toni, my future roommate. We were supposed to go to pride on Sunday but she ditched me. Do you know what her problem is? His name is Bob. He’s a fuckboy that she is friends with benefits with. She’s in love with him, he is not in love with her. She can’t quit him. I get to pick up the pieces every couple of months when he breaks her heart. It’s this annoying cycle and I’ve had it. Now I am 33-year-old grown man that is whining about being ditched lol. Ugh, I’ll call her later.

I know that I am probably overthinking this, my living situation. I also don’t know how to explain to him that I took this time off because preserving my mental health was my first priority. He does not believe in mental health. He believes that anxiety and depression are just excuses people make to get attention. I’m serious, he does not believe mental illness is a real thing. He does not believe misogyny is real. He does not believe racism is real. He’s a straight white man and believes that because he does not live in a castle, there is no such thing as adversity… why am I vilifying him? He’s pretty harmless. He did take me in after all. He saw that I was only struggling so hard because I was trying to help people and that was screwing me over. I am grateful, truly.

I guess that it is time to sit down and face my situation head on. I have nothing better to do. Everybody thinks that I should have jumped into something immediately after I was fired. A call centre or McDonald’s. It’s not that I think I am better than that, it’s just that I had savings for a reason. For emergencies like this. I can afford this time. Also, when I say everybody I mean nobody lol. That’s also all in my head. I don’t even like my friends, I’m barely talking to them and they’re barely talking to me. Bev is the only person I am willing to go see. She actually asks me how I am doing. I’ve gotten all those bitches through relationship problems, breakups, divorces, job losses, custody battles, bankruptcy, family losses and where are they now in my time of need? Ok, perhaps they know that I am not needy. Whatever, I’m allowed to feel petty. Speaking of petty I have this new hobby. I make up fake head office complaints about the restaurant that I used to work at. I am hanging up all their dirty laundry to make Karamjeet look bad. I hate that bitch so much. I refuse to let her get comfortable. Those complaints filter down from 10 people before she gets it. She is a narcissist and just wants to look good so I know that this is the one way that I can make her look bad. She will also have to answer to it. Head office will be down her throat if her store is getting too many complaints to head office. I tried to take the high road but it’s too long. I am not over her betrayal. I long for the day when I’ve graduated from university and I’m well on my way to making my dreams come true. I want to go to her store, ask for her knowing that she will still be there. “Oh Hi Karamjeet, you’re still working here? Of course, you are. This is the best that you will ever do with your life. Anyways, I have to go. I’d wish you the best but this is it. Goodbye ugly.” Yeah, I want to be dat bitch. Anyways, I gotta run. Literally, I am going for a run lol.

Last updated June 05, 2019