I'm not crying, you're crying! in Life

There’s something to be said about the feeling of a community coming together and reviving itself for a lack of better term, but you’ve all heard enough about that from the 50 some people that have joined and shared their own experience in the situation.

What really caught me off guard wasn’t so much the people that hadn’t posted in a while and the joyous reunion but the fact that even some of the lurkers came out. One in particular said to me (I was going to attach a picture but I don’t have it hosted anywhere so I suppose that’s something to look into!)

“as an occasional lurker/observer in your journal, I’m so stoked to see you happy now”

and that really caught me off guard. It made me feel like I was someone that was cared about, and by someone I’ve never spoken with, to the best of my knowledge.

Flashback: I never got a whole lot of appreciation from my parents, they were always in a rush and always very stern, or in my father’s case, the exact opposite but like… on a roulette wheel like “What father am I going to deal with tonight?!” And that impacted me, as one might expect, for the better part of my identity. I’ve really only made peace with that whole situation in the past couple years and that is purely a peace I’ve made with myself as they both think the sun shines out their collective asses while believing the other one is the devil incarnate. Unless you confront them about it then it’s all “they did the best they could” until 5 minutes later when they forget the conversation and it goes back to 50 shades of terrible parenting.

Needless to say, the peace I’ve made does not mean the issues are resolved, I doubt they ever will be but I understand a lot more about it being a new parent now that I did when I was going through it all.

ANYWAY…

The point I was trying to make is that this whole flurry of activity has dredged up a lot of nostalgia for some, but also some new feelings for others. Like damn, someone out there is happy that I’m happy? That’s still a pretty new feeling given my turbulent past.