Weekend Realness in Current Events

I went out to Gimili with my mother this weekend. Her boyfriend inherited a trailer and the lot that it is on. His family is very good at taking care of their things. That trailer is from 1977 and it is in pretty mint condition. The whole lot was cute. Everybody there takes their landscaping very seriously. I provided most of the meals and my mother was impressed that I had everything already cooked and therefore low maintenance. She was a huge fan of my energy bites. I gave her the recipe a million times and when we got back she dug out her food processor and I taught her how to use it. She’s so pumped. It’s just dates, oats and shredded coconuts. You customize the flavours from there. I don’t like sweets, per se, so I usually flavour mine to be lattes. The batch that she had was mocha. I added almonds, instant coffee and cocoa powder to that standard mix. I also made Carribean Jackfruit wraps with my roasted lemon hummus and my peri-peri hot sauce for our first supper. Then my famous lemon curry rice and my chickpea curry for supper the next day. I provided breakfast also which is just various fruits and the energy bites. I don’t have an appetite in the mornings and fruit is all that I can get down without a fight. She followed my lead this weekend and in my last entry, I mentioned that I would get her fibre up. She claims to have issues with that… currently, she thinks that there is something wrong with her but I’m like “no ma, you’re body is just working.”

The weather out there was a bit of a surprise. The lake is still cold so that made the wind pretty chilly. It felt like autumn before a snowfall. There is a fire ban so the only way that I could get warmed up was to sit in the sun. We went for walk through the town and I got to walk down that harbour. I used to love it there when I was a kid. It doesn’t feel like there is much to do now as an adult. She brought me to meet some of her family. My family? It’s so weird to be introduced to a big group of people that are complete strangers to me but are related to me. There was a young lad, Ethan I think his name was, I could tell that he is gay. He is 9 and too young to understand what any of that means yet. His nail polish and lipgloss were on fleek though lol. I love that he gets to grow up in a time and place where being gay is not a thing to be ashamed of. When I took my grandmother to get x-rays done we drove past a middle school and there were two boys walking to school holding hands. Like, today is pride day in my city and seeing things like that is what makes me proud.

Speaking of pride day, I was supposed to link up with Toni when I got back to the city and she let me down. I’m actually disappointed and when she gets back to me with her lame ass excuses I don’t even know how I am going to react. I hate listening to people make excuses, especially when they apologize. It’s like, they hurt you but somehow they end up to be the victim in the situation.

My mother and I drank wine all day yesterday. I may have gotten insecure about being the only person of colour at the family gathering she brought me to because we somehow got into a debate about race when we got back to our site. I probably started it. It got a little heated and it put a bit of a damper on the rest of the evening. I felt bad, I was worried that she might not want to spend time like that with me again. We somehow got into a debate about veganism on our way home too. That one started to get heated also.

It was a quaint weekend. I’m just glad to be back home. My other sister came over for her Sunday visit with our niece. We all spent a day at the park down the road. Then she texted me to borrow money. She and her boyfriend don’t even have power to their house. That’s what happens when you don’t pay your bills. I don’t know what is going on with them. They make some pretty bad choices and somehow get to blame the world for it. I accidentally mentioned that I had a lot in savings, that I’ve been off work for a month and that I still want a couple more weeks off before I start a job search. So she waited until she got home to text me for money. I explained how she already owes $100, I agreed to be dumb and lend her another $80.

So yeah, I decided to own that I do not want to work right now. I had an anxiety attack Friday night. I woke up and I was so stressed about everything. I just feel so much pressure. I feel like a failure for not even trying to find something. Then I decided to just own that I do not want something right now. I want this time off. Do I have a big profound reason for that? Not so much but I like not clocking in to do a job that I do not like or have much respect for. Also, fuck coworkers man. I don’t have to spend 8+ hours being around bitches that are bitches who bitch and bitch do bitchy things like bitchy bitches do. I will do just that one day soon but that’s just not something I actually want to do. That is is why I have been procrastinating. I just don’t wanna.