Microwaved Dog Vomit in Everything Else

If that title doesn't draw you in, I don't know what will...

I should write more than I do. I always feel better when I write. I get my thoughts out and it feels like someone is listening. The voices in my head have stopped listening to me altogether and are now just taking over I fear. That is fine as long as I don’t have to make the decisions and am not held accountable.

Tuesday is just like Monday only a day later and with more people in the office. I think I like Mondays more than I like any other day than Friday. I like when certain people are not around. It makes life run more smoothly and things and people are not as frantic. Yesterday I had to listen to the bitch bitch about her new “challenge”. I am starting a little calendar to see how long she lasts on it. I am such a snarky little witch. I just like to prove my theories correct. It is a small victory in life.

This is one of those “crazy” sort of weeks. Orientation, finance & board meetings. Plus end of the month nothingness for me other than being asked 18 times a day if I got a certain bill. The answer is no. No I have not. I tried explaining that they changed the bill date to the 1st, but nobody wanted to “skip” a month and change the period to post. So sorry you are going to have to wait. That and it does not match up with what I pull online so…

I discovered last night that I di d not forget how to knit. I cast on and knit 4 rows! WooFreakingHoo. I need to start baby knitting. Sadly not for myself, but my bestie because she is giving me another nephew. That is four boys zero girls. Sigh…

An acquaintance of sorts just found out she is having a girl. And I found out I am not having kids ever. So that is fun for me. Oh and I think my cousin is angling for gifts for her twins. And it would not surprise me in the least if she pops up pregnant again. Seriously think of the two ugliest people you can and then make them uglier and you have my cousin and her “fiancé”. Their kids have zero chance in the world.

Well the snow finally arrived. So many people complaining about it. I really only have two complaints when it comes to snow: One) Snow blindness. I am close to wearing sunglasses in my office because my window looks onto a snowy hill of pure white. Two) Asshole drivers. It happens every year, some dickhead with a big truck thinks he has shit under control and then doesn’t. I almost had two people in my backseat over the weekend, one guy yesterday was so far up my ass that I think he was driving my car and today some dipshit pulled out into traffic because she got stuck. You have to be extra careful and hope that if someone does hit you, they have insurance! Oh and you have to deal with all the stories about shitting roads from commuting co-workers who think they are the only ones who have ever commuted.

Some days I wish I had a lie taser. A little taser I could use when I know someone is flat out lying or embellishing to try to get more attention/sympathy. I would blame it on youth, but these people are 31 and 43 years old. So, times up kiddos, stop being two faced lying *. See I even censored myself for you. I don’t feel I need to, I just think I should cut down on swearing a little. I haven’t but I think I should.

I would just like to tell all of the Alaskans that I rank higher on the worst weather than you do…so suck it and quit your bitching. Also, screw you Canada. You live in the fucking arctic tundra, what do you expect? And to the assholes in California bitching about rain, you don’t get to bitch about not having water and then bitch because you are getting rain.

And I want to say to Erik Karlsson: eat a dick dude. Seriously you don’t want your silver medal? Fine, give it to fucking Finland. And to Niklas Backstrom----haha fucker. You should know that you pretty much cannot take any sort of allergy or cold medication in the Olympic games. See 1998 Nagano.

Speaking of the Olympics, I am so glad that shit is over. Two weeks of Bob Costas’ eye, Matt Lauer’s facial hair & Meredith Viera’s bitchyness. Not to mention Doc, Pierre, “Edzo”, JR & Milldick. Longest two weeks of my life right there. What is the point of watching cut footage of events you already know the results of? And also a big F.U. to NBC for not allowing people to view online without a cable subscription. Or for those who have a cable subscription but their nutball of a company won’t “sign up”.

I think I am going to do the 333 project or Project 333. You take 33 items of clothing (including shoes & accessories (such as scarves, hats, etc)) and you only wear those items for 3 months. Put all your other clothes away. As I understand it, it does not include pajamas, home comfy wear or workout clothes/shoes. Nor does it include underwear. It might include jewelry, but that part was a bit sketchy. Sad thing is, I might be hard pressed to find 33 items. I made a list yesterday and was shocked to see I still had a lot of “wiggle” room. So maybe I have been doing it, but I just didn’t know I was.

I ordered three new bras, two have arrived and are so small & tight. I ordered the same size & style of other bras that I have and three hours after I got home and took my bra off last night, I still had indentations in my skin. Once the other bra arrives, I am going to ship them all back. My cup runneth over a bit. And you cannot get pretty bras for big titties. Not possible. And yes, I said titties. Today I have on my old lady bra and it is so comfortable compared to yesterday’s hell. My friend sent me a link to Jockey & their new bra system. But $60 for one bra? I don’t even spend $60 on pants!

I need new shoes. I can’t wear heels anymore. They hurt my feet, mess with my back and I am pretty certain I am one or two wears away from busting my ankle/ass/leg with them. I bought a pair of flats, but when I put them on today they hurt my feet, so I pulled out my old person Dansko clogs that are uber comfortable, but not very aesthetically pleasing. FMFL = Fuck My Fashion Life.

My goals for the last two hours have not been met. I have ½ an hour to finish them. I don’t think it is likely to happen. Oh and my office is like the fucking Inferno. Love HVAC systems that never ever work. It’s like throwing $100,000 into a bon fire. Today I am wearing a tank top & ¾ sleeve light sweater & I am roasting.

Just popped onto twitter after seeing Paul Martin is out 4-6 weeks with a broken hand. I figured the fanatics would be all in an uproar, declaring the Penguin’s season over. And I wasn’t disappointed. Twitter has sort of become a lost cause for me. Every year it is the same thing over and over. Dan Bylsma sucks, Letang sucks, Sid needs a winger, blah blah blah. I am so over it. Hockey has not been fun for me this year. It is almost a chore to watch games sometimes. I love it, I love my team, but I can’t stand the over analysis. And it is everywhere. Stats versus Corsi. This team versus that team. This coach versus that coach. It is so old and just overrun. I just want to laugh again.

Lunch time soon. I am kind of happy I am having tuna fish and it is ripe with tuna smell. Hahahaha. At least it doesn’t smell like microwaved dog vomit like 90% of what the people around here cook. And if it isn’t that, it’s an entire bottle of Axe on my co-worker next door. Apparently that is an acceptable alternative to a quick shower after his noon workout. And I wonder why I have sinus issues & headaches all the time.

The one thing I wish my chiropractor would do is shut up. If he could just not talk while adjusting me that would be perfect. He not only looks exactly like my brother-in-law, he sounds like him and his “stories” are dead on for my b-i-l. Uncanny. And unnerving.

Well that is a lot of writing for this morning. If you made it to the end, I don’t have a special treat for you. If you didn’t, well it doesn’t matter what I say now.