The Power of Dreams and More in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

The human mind is a strange and dangerous thing. Yesterday morning, I had a dream where when I awoke? I felt better in general. As though my dream had given me an opportunity to repair something that needed repairing. Therefore, I woke up happier… lighter… and felt more free to tackle the day. This morning seems rather the opposite. The dream I was having before I woke up was “sexual” in nature but to such a disappointing degree. You see apparently even in my own dreams, I cannot expect any actual sexual encounter. In the dream I was feeling like I could benefit from a sexual interaction. I was rejected by my Wife and turned to looking through things on my phone. I found many pleasing images and video thumbnails and the whole time I kept thinking… “This isn’t right. I would like to feel someone else’s touch.” Then I woke up. SO… yeah. You could say that my subconscious really helped me start the day on the wrong foot.

Oh… totally slipped my mind. SO, as mentioned previously, Wife bought a Push Reel Mower and did the yard this week. But she described the yard as “looking like a toddler had gotten into the clippers” as there were patches of long grass all over. When I got home last night, she instantly brought me outside to show off the lawn. I had to admit, I didn’t know what she was showing me. She was showing me that the mower had been fixed and she had used it to even the yard out. So… at least that problem has been sorted.

NIGHTMARES OF THE WEEK!

So… do you remember that bat shit crazy lady from Wednesday who called toward the end of the workday? The one that I specifically and repeatedly said come in on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday and yet she came in on Thursday and was confused and upset and pounced on my boss? YUP. Called again today. Because until she gets everything resolved who would take care of her son when he comes back from school and this is the whole reason she called the other night and stopped by yesterday and Chris said to just come to the court on Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday but when she went to the court yesterday they said there wasn’t a judge going to be there and this isn’t good because YOU DON’T KNOW what she’s been going through, I mean you have to understand she’s distraught from being arrested the first time, and there was a death in her family, and her daughter is dating an abusive man, and she has a young son, and there are mental health issues in her family so really the issue is that she doesn’t know what day it is and didn’t realize that she had to be in court Tuesday because she thought she had to be in court Wednesday but she missed court on both Tuesday and Wednesday and she had to quit her job on Wednesday and there’s no way that she can sit in jail overnight and have to get her mugshot taken because that would be so embarrassing and there really must be something that can be done to help her avoid all of that.

Boss audibly sighs. Says he will make sure he gets everything taken care of. AHA! THIS is why he is always doing more work than I… because he’s still in Defense Lawyer Mode! We are the Government Attorneys. If someone calls here and wants us to do 8 million things to help them with their case… we have the authority to say no. That is what Defense Counsel is for. A Defense Lawyer is the guy that contacts the judge to make sure their client doesn’t go to jail. The Prosecutor? Our end goal is to protect the community. If there is an unhinged woman with a warrant out for her arrest accused of the crime of “making a death threat to a pregnant woman”… our job is to see to it that she is in jail. It is not to call all the judges in the county to see if someone will be present in court on a Friday to see if we can get the warrant resolved for her so that she doesn’t have to sit in jail because she didn’t come to court when she was required to do so.

Honestly… if my boss is upset that this “landed in his lap”… this is a rare case where I honestly don’t care. He can be upset. I specifically gave the Defendant the information that she requested. She did not listen, did not abide the recommendation, and did not act in a responsible or reasonable manner. That does not, then, make it our responsibility to fix her fuck up. If that sounds cold, harsh, or inflexible… consider it on a grander scale. Let’s say that we have 1,080 cases per year (we have a lot more than that). Let’s say that 1% of those cases have a lady like this taking our time and asking us to go beyond the scope of our authority to fix her mistake… that would be about 11 people per year. SO FAR (issue isn’t resolved yet) but just using the amount of extra time we’ve expended already trying to resolve her issue for her (instead of a defense lawyer) that has cost this department an extra 240 minutes of work. So if 11 people required that (remember, on top of everything we’re already ACTUALLY supposed to be doing) we would be wasting 2,640 minutes (44 hours). SO… think about it in those terms. That is more than a full extra WEEK of added work just because someone did not listen, did not abide the recommendation, and did not act in a responsible or reasonable manner and wants us to fix their fuck up. I have no qualms about saying, “Madame, I have told you what you should do. Good day.”

Here’s a great follow up to the above. What kind of things SHOULD we be spending our time on? Just got an e-mail from DHS.
In February, we terminated a mother’s parental rights. Her drug addiction had spiraled, she had refused treatment, her child had been removed for a year and his foster family wanted to adopt him. Oooookay. We terminate her parental rights. Court Order says, “Foster family has 6 months to provide proof of adoption or all parties will reconvene in 6 months.”

I was… pretty certain my job was done there. Like… the State moved to terminate the Mother’s rights; placing the child with Foster Family. The State has no involvement in Adoption. At least I don’t at the County Level. There may be a State Person whose job code is far higher than mine but… I don’t know. All I know, or thought I knew, is that DHS has to update our case file every 45 days until the adoption is completed.

DHS can’t access the file. Uh… what? See this is something that requires our time and action. A child is “in the system” and we need to make sure that this child isn’t lost, missing, or made more vulnerable. Thus… we need to act.

Problem is… we’re not sure what to do :( :/ SO… time to bother a judge!! :( I hate doing that but at least this is a good guy and good judge that I have to bother. Running to him like, “Juuuuudge. We’ve got a filing issue. There are three possible problems and I’m not smart enough to know which is real. Haaaaaaaaalp.”

Ignorance of the law is rough. I freely admit that I don’t know every code statute in the state of Iowa. And, hopefully, the more reasonable voters and citizens would accept that. Especially as laws change every year. That is literally what a Legislative Session is. Laws change every year. SO… I don’t blame people who have less education and less reason to stay current for not knowing every nuanced significant law.

For example:
I deal with Indecent Exposure often. So I’m aware that the specific language for 709.9 states that exposing a person’s genitals or pubes to another person or who commits a sex act in the presence or view of a third person ONLY COMMITS A CRIME if the state can prove the following 2 elements:
1: The person does so to arouse or satisfy the sexual desires of either party; and
2: The person knows or reasonable should know that the act is offensive to the viewer

Other people? I don’t expect them to know that. So I get it when someone says, “why didn’t you prosecute that man for Indecent Exposure?” Because being naked in public may be Disorderly Conduct, but unless we can prove that the man was naked for a sexual purpose… we can’t convict on Indecent Exposure.

On the other hand? There are laws that I don’t know AT ALL. And when I look through my Prosecutor Code Books; they aren’t even listed. Like… my handbook lists everything in Traffic Law, Drug Law, Juvenile Law, and Criminal Law. But then I get a letter from a School Principal that says, “In accordance with Statute the Attorney’s Office is receiving notification that a student has missed 20 or more days of class without excuse.” And my first reaction is, “Wha-huh? Wait. What?” What statute? It isn’t in ANY of my books. SO I go on-line.

2006: If a child is not attending school, the School shall notify the County Attorney who may bring Simple Misdemeanor charges against the parent

2013: If a child misses a sufficient number of days, as selected by the school, the School may notify the County Attorney who may review the case for criminal charges

2019: ????????????? Where is this? What language are they using for this bill now? Is it.... wait… okay. They cancelled the part where the County makes the decision and have turned it into Contract Enforcement language. *After the school obtains a written contract of mediation in an attempt to rectify the child’s absences; any failure to meet the requirements of that contract may result in the school notifying the County Attorney’s office who may institute proceedings on a Simple Misdemeanor of Contempt.

Seems… dumb? Whatever happened to Truancy Officers and all that? OH! COOL! This law also talks about those, too. And guess what… Iowa Law still acts like Truancy Officers are a thing that every school district has and allows the Truancy Officer to do just about whatever he wants to. Except… our state has significantly and consistently defunded schools. Even in the biggest city in the state, they don’t have truancy officers anymore.

Whenever I see laws like this… it upsets me even more that the TWO MAJOR things that our legislature did in its last session?
Heartbeat Abortion Bill and
Politicized Judge Selection!

So… instead of… fixing broken laws… helping the homeless and starving… creating innovative and necessary infrastructure strategies… our legislature passed an Anti-Abortion Bill that they knew would draw Constitutional Objections; and they made damned sure that the Majority Political Party gets to nominate Judges. Good job, Iowa Legislators… you power hungry, ignorant ass, douchebags.

Cracked.com did an article on Six Signs You’re Employed in a Toxic Workplace. As I consider working for the Chinese to have been incredibly toxic… let’s see how it stacks up:

5: There’s Emotional Manipulation (“We’re Like A Family!”)
This is also considered the “volunteer” portion of work and I experienced it at Wynnsong Theaters, Steve’s Shoes, Best Buy, Department of Corrections, and Chinese Firm. This is anytime they tell you that you need to “volunteer for the hard stuff” or “not worry about getting paid for this” for the good of the team/family/company/firm. So… YEAH.

Wynnsong went a full month without paying us, constantly saying that “checks are on the way, there was just a snafu with the computer systems.” Yeah. We all knew the snafu was that the company was about to declare Chapter 11.
Steve’s Shoes did this when they used the “emotional button.” I had worked for BOSS A for a long time until she had to take a leave of absence to take care of her Mother with Alzheimer’s. When she returned to the company, they gave her a brand new store to run but in setting the displays, she got injured. So they called me. “Boss A just got hurt and really needs the new store opening to go well. Can you come to that location and act as interim boss; no extra pay or benefits, we just need you there for her sake.” Yeaaaah.
Best Buy was fairly notorious about this especially when it came to “making goals.” Like… “I know you said that the only way this project could be done on time is with a staff of 4, but we’re giving you a staff of 2 and if you don’t complete by deadline, we have to punish the whole team. So why don’t you come in on your off time to help out?”
Department of Corrections was absolutely ATROCIOUS about this. “Yeah… this is a team department. Even though you’re part time and the only person that runs the law library, we need to make sure the law library is open for 40 hours a week. If that doesn’t happen, we lose our grant money and the whole department suffers. Thanks.”
And need I remind you about the Chinese Firm?! HOW MANY events did they REQUIRE I attend without pay?!?!?!

4: Gratitude Is Expected From Employees
From the article: “We expect rock stars who’ll give 110%, and in return we will give you so little that we’re not totally sure this is even legal.” In one poll, 79 percent of people revealed they quit jobs because of a lack of appreciation from a bad boss. 65 percent of North Americans said they weren’t recognized once in the past year. To this, you can imagine every shitty boss in America saying, “‘Recognized?’ They’d starve without this paycheck! They should be thanking me!”

Honestly, I assume we’ve all had this experience. Hell, this is the experience I got AT HOME from my father at almost every turn. “Dad, they still haven’t paid us and they asked me to stay two hours late to clean the soda machines.” “Well, Son, just be glad that you have a job where they rely on you for things like that!” Totally true conversation, totally didn’t help at all. I think the biggest examples of this would be Best Buy, Department of Corrections, and Chinese Firm.

Best Buy: This was mostly just as a nature of their business model. It’s “cogs in a machine,” so the 24 year old kid with a college degree should be “thankful to have a steady full time job with benefits in this economy!”
DOC: This was… partly of my own making. Since I was having trouble passing the Bar Exam and having even more trouble finding Attorney Work in Iowa; I often heard “just be thankful you still have some income”. Plus, the boss did the “random chocolates in our mailbox” thing… the boss that would be gone on trips to Bali and Thailand for weeks at a time.
Chinese Firm: They were flipping notorious for this!! ALL THE TIME it was “Be grateful you work for a firm that has so many clients” and “Be grateful you’re getting any help at all, back when I first started…” and all that shit.

3: Bullying And Humiliation Are Considered Motivation Tactics
From the Article: Have you ever felt the weight roll off your shoulders when you walked in to find out your boss was out of the office that day? It’s the relief of knowing that you don’t have to worry about this human landmine choosing to randomly explode at you, flying into a rage over some minor oversight or pending deadline.

I won’t even discuss other places where I worked that may have used this tactic. This was Chinese Boss’ only form of communication!! If you read entries from last year, you’ll see it everywhere!

2: Public Reception Is More Important Than Fixing Problems
Again… not even going to discuss this past Chinese Firm. Because damn was that true. We don’t fix problems… we punish mistakes. Problems are things that might make the entire firm better if they were solved. Punishing mistakes lets other people know we mean business. And honestly… why have a functioning firm when we can simply make other people THINK we have a functioning firm?

1: There Is No Communication
I actually just re-read an entry I wrote from January of last year which could be summarized by that statement. NO COMMUNICATION.

So… yeah. Good to know that I made the right choice. Not that I was doubting it. Ever. But always good to re-affirm.

Though… there’s something else that is important that I think I need to point out.

The Steve’s Shoes toxic experience I put up there? That was 2004, the year I was dating Thompson. In fact the most toxic event of that whole experience happened the week Thompson dumped me. The next year was 2005, when I met and first started dating my now-Wife. And I can probably start a history of toxic even earlier.
2001: Filming a Movie (semi-toxic) met/started dating AKU (Toxic)
2002: Dated/Dumped Aku/ started at Wynnsong (Toxic) before College
2004: Thompson/Steve’s Shoes (Toxic)
2005: Began dating my now-wife and just focused on school
2007: Graduate College/ Wife and I in DM/ Start working at Best Buy (TOXIC)
2011: Got married/Quit Best Buy/Move to Nebraska/Start Law School
2014: Graduate from Law School, take first Bar Exam
2015: Transferred to Law Library- TOXIC
2016: Pass the Bar Exam, Get Tiny Town Job (Rough!)
2017: Leave Tiny Town, move to DM, work at Chinese Firm (TOXIC)
2018: Leave Chinese Firm, start at Current.

I simply lay this out to ponder… am I “addicted to toxic” or is it “timing” or what? And should it mean anything that the majority of my toxic professional experiences happened while I was dating/married to Wife? Or does that simply show something else? That as we entered the 2009 financial crisis and clawed our way out, that markets in general were becoming more toxic? Bah. I’m probably trying to connect disconnected random points.

So what is in store for me for the next however many hours?

(1) Perusing Chive out of boredom, so anticipate shares here.
(2) Working on a letter for Couple’s Counseling. I know the therapist doesn’t prefer that method but please… I think we’ve established that it is tough for me to literally verbalize the issues with my Wife likely because (a) I had a very violent abusive relationship in the past; and (b) my Wife has a history of emotionally crumbling when I verbalize my issues.
(3) Going to the Gym. I haven’t done so since before Labor Day as I hurt my foot. It still hurts but I also know that I’m going to be SUPER FUCKING PISSED OFF when I get on the scale tomorrow. All month I’ve been going between 219 and 224. Damn this sodding plateau bullshit.
(4) Make Food w/Wife. Tragically, I can guarantee it will be a skillet meal. Call this a criticism if you like but… Wife has pretty much the whole day to do you name it. Even if her whole day is spent doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the house… she doesn’t vacuum, do windows, or dust… there’s only the TWO of us… so there isn’t that much laundry or dishes (and I do the dinner dishes anyway)… I don’t know. I just think… either play with the dog/train the dog… get a hobby and exceed in it… read some of the books in our house… or put some effort into learning a few of the recipes out of one of the dozens of cookbooks you’ve bought or requested.
(5) Probably followed by watching Jeopardy, playing with the dog, watching YouTube, and then going downstairs to grab an hour or two of video game time.

Then over the weekend.. Couple’s Counseling, Errands, dinner with my parents, and preparing for June in both Professional and Personal ways. Happy end of May to all!

Chive did a “The best part of PornHub is the comments section” and while logic dictates that this is cherry picked (as I’m certain the majority of the comments are really things like ‘ugo’ or ‘i’d fcuk hta!t’ some of these are worth checking out.

And now… Shower Thoughts



This COULD be true. But I know plenty of people who would disagree because… WHO THAT PERSON IS matter more than just seeing SOMEONE YOU KNOW naked. Like… a Nude Selfie from my father does not beat watching Jaye Rose enjoy herself.

RANDOM









Yes I did enjoy this pizza

I know I’m going to get flack for this one but try to remember… I was in Theater for over a decade. When I say Makeup, Hair, and Wardrobe can make someone look like a completely different person… that is from experience. I’ve seen the most attractive man become a ghastly Quasimodo; I’ve seen a girl who carried herself as a 4 become a confident 9. So… yeah.

My life… right here
Yes yes, I see the boobs and the bikini and the tan and all that but again… honestly shared this because something in the face just.... struck me.