The Things This Mama Does for Her Bebbehs in Days of My Destiny

So.... I've been typing up a Book of Manners. Sounds crazy, I know, but it is oh so necessary. I don't think M understands the social rules a lot of the time, even though they are things I've explicitly taught her from a very young age. The thing is.... M takes my parenting as .... as though I'm the enemy. You can't tell her much without her taking it personally or turning it into something it isn't.

FOR EXAMPLE.

Yesterday we got home from the bus stop after her day at school. She got out of the car, and as she got out, I said, "Don't forget to grab your schoolbag, sweetie," while browsing something online quickly (because that was the spot where I had good reception yesterday). She said in a whiney voice, "I don't want to........ I'm HUNGRY mum, get me something to eat." I said, "Excuse me, I am a person. Talk to me like a person, not a slave. Now grab your bag, it's your bag, you get it." She growled this angry growl and gritted her teeth, looking to the sky as though I am out to destroy her. She grabbed her bag, I got out of the car, and we're walking towards the house, when between the car and the house (a space of about 6 or 7 metres), she cries and yells that angry growly yell another two times and makes herself cry.

I really lost it at this point yesterday, because it's something I CONSTANTLY FACE. I am soooooooooo over it. Like little dudette, you are SIX. NOW. Other six year olds are HAPPY. They GET IT. They just do what they gotta do, ya know, pal?

Sometimes I wander where the fuck I've gone wrong, and other times I just emphasise the realisation that well, MY DAUGHTER IS DIFFERENT, and I will accept this.

That first way of thinking... is the way of thinking I've used the last five years. That second way of thinking... is quite new and so so SO damn helpful. It's not ME, it's not HER. It's just the way she is and I need to learn to work with it. It's how she's been built, which for some reason is different to anything I've ever known, and so I must find ways to raise this kiddo right.

I was crying yesterday, actually. I said to her, "You know I actually MISS YOU when you're at school and I LOOK FORWARD to picking you up from the bus stop! And you come home and give me THIS??????"

So..... back to the manners book.

The contents page:

Manners at the shops. Manners at the movies. Manners in church. Manners when someone comes to visit. Manners when you go to visit someone. Manners when a friend comes for a sleepover. Manners when you go to a friend's for a sleepover. Manners when you are playing with someone. Manners when you are playing with a group of people (even if you don't know everyone). Manners when all your friends are with you. Manners at bedtime. Life manners.

Why all the scenarios? Because she needs to know. It's not a book I will make her study and give her the cane for, no. It's a book we will simply refer to when needed. If someone's coming to visit, I will simply open the book to that page and gently go through the manners tips.

This is another reason for all the scenarios. I won't list all the scenarios, just some. At the movies, she walked up and down and up and down the stairs countless times last time, even after telling her to stop. She laughed and encouraged L to do it. I put it down to boredom, however at the same time, she was the only kid doing this. And yes, she has been to the movies before. When people come to visit, she puts on her WORST behaviour. While this sounds quite NORMAL, my daughter's level of worst behaviour is ... not age appropriate. It's tantrums, it's shouting, it's squealing, it's bossing. The works. And well, we fucking deal with it the way we deal with it, don't we. The thing is, she's not even NORMALLY LIKE THIS. When she plays with more than one of her friends, she gets really ... possessive? She'll tell the lesser friend that she's the lesser friend. Yeah this sounds quite "normal" but it's not the standard I want for my daughter. It's not acceptable to be bitchy, full-stop.

So yeah, things like that. It's accumulated over time and one day the light bulb simply lit and I went, "I need a Manners Book." Now it's done. I start each section with a little blurb of some sort. "There are many different types of shops. Can you think fo some different types of shops? Even though there are many different types of shops, we always use the SAME manners." "Going to the movies if always FUN. There is a great big screen to look at; you can sit almost anywhere you want' and sometimes you even get special movie food! Here are some ways to make sure you have the BEST kind of fun at the movies...." "From time to time, mum and dad might have a special friend over to visit. Sometimes these visits are planned and sometimes they are not planned. Either way, mum and dad want to make their special visitors feel special in their home while they are visiting. You can help to make visitors feel special, too." "Playing is important, but playing fairly is even more important. Here are some ways you can play fairly." "Having all your friends with you at the same time can be a bit tricky. Here are some tips to help you!" "It's bedtime, and you've had the best day of your life. You're excited and you can't stop jumping! OR... It's bedtime, and you are really tired. You feel a bit grumpy and you just want to get bedtime over and done with. No matter how you feel at bedtime, there are some important steps to follow to make sure that you end the day right and have a good rest that night."

Ay ay ay!!! LOL.

But... it's got to be done. And who's gonna do it? MAMA BEAR!!!!

"Who you gonna call???"

Hahahaha.

Ahh. I'm just glad it's done.