Lucky in Current Events

My doctor said something about my thyroid yesterday and I should have asked him about it. All he said was that it was pretty full, I don’t know what that means but he is going to keep an eye on it. I would google this but I don’t need the internet telling me that I have cervical cancer as always. He and I also got into a small debate about veganism. The issue was sustainability and he doesn’t understand that over 80% of all the Earth’s agriculture goes towards raising livestock. About 56 billion animals each year are raised for slaughter. That’s 8 times the human races population that we feed and water. It’s an inconvenient truth, I don’t even want to get into it on here because we’re all allowed to make our own choices and I hate arguing about a difference of opinion. Especially online.

Anyways, my metabolism has never been a problem before. Currently, it is still going strong and I enjoy being a skinny legend but now with this talk about my thyroid I am concerned about developing an autoimmune disease. Sometimes that happens to people who suddenly make big changes to their diets and lifestyle. Our bodies have to recalibrate and sometimes an organ or gland is perceived as a threat as it suddenly starts overwhelming our systems with “new chemicals” or whatever. So our bodies attack it. I assume anyway, I’m only speculating. I don’t want to google this. I do try and keep my body alkaline. Cancer and diseases can’t thrive in an alkaline environment so I’m pretty health conscious about what I eat and drink.

I am still failing to be productive about my job search. I was aiming to do that today but I could not get my mind to be open to it. I went for a walk in the rain today after listening to some of my motivational videos. I left my headphones and phone at home so that I could be present in that moment. I wanted to hear, smell, touch, taste and see the rainfall. Pardon my Hilary Duff, Come Clean, moment but a huge part of my identity was that job that I had for the last thirteen years. I am trying to be productive in a different way. Producing not in the world but producing within myself. Producing new strengths, new insights, new ideas, new capabilities, new energies, new emotions etc. that I can bring into my next chapter. When I see a job posting that I am perfectly qualified for and that I would probably get hired for I remember how unhappy I was doing that job. I don’t want to get trapped in that again.

When I turned thirty I said that I would make my thirties the way I should have made my twenties. I wish that I understood how lucky I was when I was that age. People who are graduating right now that have no idea about what they want to do next are the luckiest people alive. Generally, they do not have all that baggage that comes across from life. No babies, no marriages, mortgages etc. Yes, they may have some student loans and their parent’s expectations etc but life hasn’t sucked out all their hopes and dreams yet. School was easy, it had structure but the real world? That’s hard! That five year window after graduation is when they can live with four roommates in a basement and live off fast food. To travel and learn and start up that business or garage band. They can grind at their highest levels because they do not have that baggage yet. That is the time to be massively risk orientated. Somebody in their 40s can’t just wake up and go like that anymore. They got mouths to feed and a million other things that a 20 year old does not. I was one of the unfortunate ones that did not realize this. I maximized the job that I hated just so that it would pay more, even if it didn’t make me happy. Why? Because I wanted the new iPhone? I’m only going to live one time. Do these kids that are graduating this year understand that the land grab of happiness is right now? That they should be mapping out their behaviours to something that will still impact them in 80 years?…

I stopped making sense a while ago and I probably bummed out or offended a few people BUT the moral of the story is that I am 33 and I have NO baggage. No kids, no debts. I have nothing stopping me from grinding at my highest level… the only stopping me is me. That is why I am taking this mental health moment so seriously. I have learned a lot and I will find a way to share it with the world one day but first I have to apologize to anybody that feels like I’ve put them down for having kids and mortgages and all those fun grown-up things. Those are not negative things to have at all.

Last updated May 24, 2019