i'm missing words. er i mean. words are missing. in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

This is different from the usual.

Usually even if I can’t think of the word er. I mean. I know what it is but it doesn’t like. I can’t actually verbalise it. it gets lost. i.e. i’m talking about milk. and i’m thinking of the word ‘milk’ but it doesn’t verbalise. itself. if that made any sense.

But lately. I don’t think of the word. like the other day. for some reason I was talking to my mom about a petition. which I described in full detail. i’m like “yeah the paper thing you get people to sign”. which you know worked. she knew what I meant.

oh so at one point in time for like 5 months I couldn’t think of that evan rachel wood movie about the school shooting. for the longest damn time. and then I looked it up and i’m like oh. wow........yeah. [the movie’s ‘the life before her eyes’ btw].

maybe it’s not that words are missing. maybe it’s that my ability to think of them is. [but I also have a really damn bad short term memory. my god. yeah ptsd + alcoholism].

I remember song lyrics really well though. and apparently i’m not the only one. someone who’s had a stroke, there’s this thing that happens to their left side [er well I mean the stroke affects the left side I. think though correct me if i’m wrong here. please] and so they can’t see w/ their left eye. er I mean their eye won’t let them. see stuff on their. left. [not to be redundant/state the obvious or anything although........] again correct me if i’m wrong. you’d talk to them and what would come out would be. sounds.

unless. it’s song lyrics. [once again if i’m wrong............yeah].

yeah no music is good for you. Jodi Piccoult wrote a book about that. well that’s one of the things it’s about. music therapy. This beautiful movie my mom and I saw a few yrs. ago The Music Never Stopped is about music. therapy.

Um. So you know when you walk into a room and you’re all “now what did I come in here for?” thing. yeah it has to do w/ doorways. You pass under one and it does something to your brain. and you don’t even have to pass under one for that to happen. read that on cracked.com. I’ve been spending a lot of time there.

I’ve learned like 20 new things. yay.

I’ll remember dates and like I said song lyrics. and random facts. But I won’t remember what someone just said. I also don’t pay enough attention. I think about time actually. like so 4 yrs ago it was.......2010 and I was 22. or in 6 yrs i’ll be. um. 32. [actually I don’t like thinking about that since I don’t like thinking about getting older]. or. in 5 days it’ll be March 1st. [wow].

apparently not everyone does that.

and I always want to know what time it is. I sleep w/ an alarm clock for this purpose. [I just re-read that last sentence and thought about the other way it could be taken. no not like that. i’m not that weird. grammar: it saves lives. and doesn’t, promote cannibalism. I.e. “let’s eat, Mom” ok sure. vs. “let’s eat Mom” wait a minute...... lol

so this has nothing to do w/ anything but things such as taxidermy, death rituals and stuff. I don’t find all that weird. actually mortician types used to and still might eat dinner in the morgues so they’d get used to being around the dead. well it’s not like they were practicing cannibalism. in the Victorian era, people would take photos. w/ their dead relatives.

and up until recently I was on the opposite end where I thought taxidermy was creepy and weird and omygod what the hell. well which I mean it still is but it doesn’t bother me. no now it interests me. I mean I’ve personally never practiced it.

I’ve always been interested in death rituals and such].

Oh so. you know how sometimes you’ll get a memory from out of nowhere? [yes]. it has to do w/ smell. maybe you’re not consciously aware of it but you smell something which triggers that. you’re sitting there watching a sitcom. Seinfeld for instance. and you suddenly remember ice-skating w/ a friend. and it has nothing at all to do w/ the episode. yeah again. it has to do w/ smell. [another thing learned on cracked. .com].

Last updated October 26, 2015