Letter To The Dead in NPE (Non Parental Event)

Dear Man Who Raised Me
First off thanks for stepping in and being a hero for my mom in marrying her despite knowing she was pregnant with another man’s child. Thanks for loving my mother and brother and providing my basic necessities, BUT would it have been so hard to show love to me? I was an innocent child, and I looked exactly like my Mom the woman you loved. You always favored Ron, calling him your boy, going to his events. Two years after you died I practically begged mom to remind me of one loving thing you had ever done for me. She couldn’t come up with anything. I think I got the truth when I visited the year before you died. I was trying to make a bond with you and you looked at me like you wanted me gone. Here is an unpleasant truth I wanted to be gone. I was happier far away in Missouri. Every time I called it was out of a sense of obligation The last Fathers Day I didn’t call you because I was tired of us talking out of a sense of obligation.
Kathy

As you can see I have a lot of anger towards the man who raised me. I can’t even start telling myself the lies that a lot of people who have this happen do. They say that their biological father was a wonderful man and their mom robbed them of the opportunity to know them. I have it in black and white. My biological father was a convicted rapist so my mom made the best decision for her and me, but I think she should have told the man who raised me to treat me just as well as he did their son.

I have found that not many people understand the emotions I have been feeling. They say he gave you a name and a home and he will always be your Dad. They say you are still the same person. My whole world has been turned upside down. Everything I thought I knew about myself feels like a lie.

Good Things I did for me today
Ran/Walked 3 miles. With my mental health issues I have been skipping work outs. Now that I’m trying to get back into my routine I notice my stamina is shot. Two weeks ago I was run/walking 4 miles every other day.

Stayed in calorie range

Worked on corrective exercises and used the theracane on my neck and shoulder blades.

I spent 20 minutes playing with my foster kittens. I have a gray mmama cat and her five babies. They are about 6 weeks old. I will get about 2 more weeks before they are ready to go to Petsmart. The kittens are 2 dilute (gray) torties, a black one, a calico, and a gray and white.