Serendipitous¿ in Current Events

Once upon a time in a multiverse far far away, there was a hot mess named Tom that used to live most of his through Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat. He experienced almost all of his relationships through DM’s, comments, likes and shares. Anyways, there were multiple instances where he accidentally submitted friend requests to strangers that he was trolling. It happens to everybody, it was no big deal. However, there was one of those strangers that stood out from the rest because Tom always had a collection of people, in his mind, that he always compared himself to. Tom’s life could never measure up to those individuals and that always made him hate himself. That was one of the reasons why Tom’s relationship with social media became too toxic for him. Anyways, that one stranger that stood out was a local young man named Ryan. Tom found him while he was trolling a local photographer’s FB page. Tom liked to do some self-loathing by checking out any models that this photographer used that were local. I could tell that he had a muse, this young man was not a model but this photographer worked with him a lot. I could tell that this photographer was sweet on him. This young man, Ryan, was a local ballerina that was used on all the pride posters that year. Following that 15 minutes of fame, Ryan had a lot of gay newspapers and magazines write articles about him and stuff and things like that. He had a good year. I remember reading one of those articles while I was in the doctor’s office. I was rolling my eyes because they, of course, could not feature him in that article wearing pants. The article just told his life story of how he became a ballerina and what his aspirations in life were etc.

This entry is not going anywhere special so now is your chance to leave lol. So anyway, throughout the next couple of years, on social media, I watched this young man continue to glow up. He married his ballerina school sweetheart, they both toured together and both performed together and basically, they had the best life ever. He used to post some of his blogs on FB and I used to comment on the good ones. He didn’t write about superficial stuff, the one post that I remember was the one that was click bait. He had a shirtless selfie and the post was about the pressure he felt to meet beauty standards and how it was starting to become toxic for him. We had some interactions on FB, he liked some of my selfies and sometimes he had something to say on something I would post. NBD. Just business as usual in the World Wide Web.

Now, I have been saying that my thoughts have been manifesting a lot this year. Ryan and his husband crossed my mind randomly this weekend. Then I saw them at the grocery store one morning. Due to my trolling ways, I felt almost “star struck.” I was thinking to myself about how Ryan was not that attractive in person. I also could not tell if that was even Ryan because I only saw his bug-eyed face for a second but I definitely recognized the husband. (Yes, these are the things that occupy my mind. Sorry about it) Anyway, I was thinking about him throughout the weekend. Especially Monday morning while I was on my way to pick up my grandmother to take her shopping. Was that Ryan? Or did they split up and his ex-husband decided to date a doppelganger? Well, split my dick and call me Caitlyn Jenner, guess who I saw at the grocery store? I wasn’t even at the same one I went to on the weekend. Ryan was alone this time and I thought he looked so pretty in person now that I saw him close up, in the produce section. We made eye contact immediately but just for a moment. We were side by side picking through the mangos when that happened but I moved on with my life because I was there to help my grandmother with her shopping. However, he didn’t. I could see that he kept checking me out. I was wearing a white skin-tight long-sleeved shirt that helped make my booty pop but my hair was a greasy mess because I rushed out of the house and threw it up. So I dunno? Maybe he was trying to figure out where he recognized me from? There was a moment where it looked like he was going to approach me so I looked up at him and he swung his face away and he basically ran away with his shopping cart. His face went red and he was holding in a smirk and it looked like he somehow embarrassed himself. It’s like when you’re checking somebody out and you go in for a closer look but you get caught so you panic and swerve thinking to yourself omg the jig is up. The jig is up. Then you’re immediately embarrassed because you then realize how obvious you looked. I saw him later sneaking back into the produce section.

Did I really turn this shit into a long entry? Yes. Now, their shopping cart was pretty full when I saw them on the weekend. Then his cart was half full when I saw him on Monday. It’s like, maybe they’re not even together? Why would they go to two different grocery stores? (I do it all the time though) I would be lying if I said that I was not tempted to login into FB after my seven months sabbatical just to be a troll. I was mostly blown away at how he hadn’t crossed my mind in years and then just as he does I run into him. Even though it was nothing. I believe that I unfriended him a couple of years ago. I purged everybody that I did not know IRL or from OpenDiary.

On another note, I did fantasize about us linking up but I lately I have been thinking about how I am a 33-year-old man that is unemployed and living in his sister’s basement. If I am not everybody’s type on Grindr right now then what am I? lol, I don’t know what Grindr is in the rest of the world but in my city, it is like scrapping the bottom of the barrel. My situation is going to change so I am not actually beating myself up over it. I will admit though that I’ve had a bit more of a presence on Grindr than usual. It’s hard to find anybody on there that just wants to chat. I don’t have time for anything else. I want to start connecting to people again. It’s been 2.5 weeks of unemployment and I spent most of it at home. I could have been in BC this whole time visiting my brother. I’m so stupid. Oh well. My mother is taking me to my favourite little town in two weeks for a weekend. I should be employed by then so we shall see if I am even free to get out of this city for a bit.

Anyways, I took my mother out for dinner last night. She gave me a book that she read when she lost her job a few years ago. She said that it will validate everything that I am feeling and help me push through it so I can feel ready to move on. We finally have summer weather here in my city so my plans today are to sit outside in the backyard and give it a read. Can you believe that 20 degrees Celsius is scorching hot for us people in Winnipeg? aka Winterpeg. It was -40c just a few months ago. We’re not even at +40c yet. Why do I live here? lol.
Anyways, ta