Mother's Day in Adventures of New baby and family

This time of year I’m depressed from everything that is mother’s day and my birthday. i have some depression going on but not from this time of year as typical.

I was reading on FB one of there articles about Mother’s worse mothers day and the one that grabbed your attention was not that bad. It was a mother wanting to sleep in for Mother’s Day and spouse said sure and the next morning wasn’t so nice and told her the kid would be watching TV and eating cereal from a box if she didn’t get up. He got a card for her that said sorry you have to put up with me.
Sigh.....(sounds heavenly)
My asshole SO would have agreed while he was high the night before so he wouldn’t have to continue to talk to me and ruin his buzz and the next morning would scream to go fuck myself that he wasn’t watching the kids or if he did he would just scream at them anyway so there would be no sleeping for me. And getting an apology card or any card for that matter .... LOL that would never happen in a million years. Pretty sure I had one or 2 of those. Maybe one and lowered my standard to act like its any other day. That includes mowing the lawn that he screams at me that he will do as he’s the “MAN” but will never do and screams at me for doing it …yes on my birthday and mother’s day… But that’s it just screams at me for doing it but will not actually do it till its almost completely done.
Maybe that is why I hate the day. And if I’m not doing the usual chores then its doing things for my mom and MIL. Not saying I don’t like that but its my day in more ways than one.

Not that it was any better when my husband was alive.... He wasn’t a big fan a little babies and felt uncomfortable around them. First time mom. Needing a break. Some sleep. Anything.... please!!! Time to myself. A trip to Target to unwind, a bath .... Nothing..... Maybe a card. He would buy them at least. But ultimately it would be ripped up in the argument , ripping not by me.... My 1st Mother’s day.... Woo hoo.... Andrew was 3 months old. He didn’t sleep without being held morning or night. I couldn’t get anything done. I probably had some post par tum depression but they didn’t deal with it back then. I don’t know if I knew. I didn’t have a lot or any support. He didn’t do a lot of chores either to help me. Dishes no… laundry, hell no. We had a cat… hell no to cleaning the litter box. Then he got sick....

I try to put on a brave face and face the day that is suppose to be for Mother’s ...... sadly I don’t even like hearing Happy Mother’s day. I want to look around.. who me?? No you aren’t talking about me??? Even though I have 3 kids with me. I’m just the maid and the scheduler....

This year… he’s not in the picture. He’s in jail. How long I don’t know. Will I take him back.... again. Who knows. I want to say no as I have went through hell with him. Its gotten to the point we don’t do anything together. He’s broken and he broke me. But seeing him and knowing with the right meds and being on track to better mental health I would love to have him back. I don’t hate him. I know having mental illness is tough. Your mind is broken and its too gone to fix without proper treatment. Getting to the point were treatment works is a struggle, being on the meds is a struggle: you feel different weird and don’t see the differences that people around you see. To watch them fall and falter and having to be that person that has to tell someone to get him help and them putting up a fight blaming you and gaslighting you. its hard.... and the system here is broken. They are their own person they have the right to say NO to treatment even if that is not in anybodies best interest. And I do mean the rest of the world there. Think about that.... And to deam them mentally incompetent isn’t as easy a a trip to the psych ward. or 2 or 3 or 10.... all involuntary. Making threats and screaming them at people still isn’t enough. Writing threatening letters to councilmen, judges, and the like… Nope. Sure that will get you in trouble with the law but a few days in the pokey.... no big deal. I mean I know this country did do mean things and locked up people that probably shouldn’t have been locked up in the day and they did a complete 180 on it making it so you couldn’t drug someone to the point of not being able to function but at the same time making people that are totally not well mentally and asking them about treatment… you know that they aren’t. Their mental illness is preventing them from functioning normally.

Last updated May 11, 2019