I don't like most people in Riverdale

I don't like most people

I don't like most people. Maybe it's because I have high expectations maybe it's because I have any at all. Most people just disappoint me.

The worst feeling and reaction to get from someone is indifference. Which I seemed to be getting a lot lately. Just no one really caring enough or being able to pay me any attention or make me a priority at all.

I am a fresh slate. I am open to meeting new people. But it's hard to find the same. Of course I like to take things slower and I am not really desperate. But I just hate when I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. Getting dregs of someone. Mostly I will confront the person but sometimes I hesitate and wonder if there's any point? Or am I making too big of a deal?

Sometimes more than anything I wish I could be more indifferent to people and things. Instead lately I feel wounded vulnerable lost easily upset. Things are really bothering me lately. They are cutting me to the core. Whereas other people who are hurting me or pissing me off fact disinterested and indifferent towards me and it's worst than a negative reaction because I feel like I have no impact on them at all and don't matter what so ever.

I met up w this stupid guy from tinder. We chatted for a week or so not really saying too much and he kept persistently inviting me to his bar. Eventually I just ended up saying fuck it why not?

He keeps the convo going and telling me he can't wait to see me and all this bullshit and all that so I get the impression it won't be too awkward or anything and maybe the vibe will be laid back and friendly and it won't be too bad going on my own.

Wrong.

He was ok at first but than he would just take off and in front of me be doing shots with other people and shit. I felt awkward. I texted him saying did he wanna hook up later. He wasn't my type really but I guess I was just drunk and wanted some fun. He than said he didn't invite me for that reason. Bullshit. He invited me to see the bar and bring my friends next time? Yeah ok....

Just felt so rejected. And confused. He did buy me a few drinks but I just hate when people act all fake and phoney and when you are reacting to it all of a sudden they turn and become distant and try to make you look foolish for acting the way you do with them.

His display pic on bbm was a this kind of sexual picture anyways.

Anyways he was a douche and I told him as much. He really wasn't my type physically anyways. He was alright. Just some people are weird. I find it hard to be phoney and fake to someone for long if I don't like them. Honestly I find it more annoying when someone tries to soften the blows and lie and act all nice and phoney.

It's kind if patronizing really. Especially like lying so badly like that. His lie didn't even make sense. I wish he would've honestly just hid or something lol. I don't know just an idiot. He didn't really have much tact. Than he said to me I shouldn't have invited you tonight it's soo busy tonight.

Yeah yeah you kept asking me and asking me to come.

I felt kind of foolish. I just hate people who don't have guts or tact. I don't like nor like to interpret peoples passive aggressiveness and "politeness"

Anyways it cut me deeper than it should have. I guess I just thought the vibe would be better at the place and it really wasn't it was cold and cliquey. I just wanted to go out have fun and get my mind off of him.

But It just felt like a slap in the face and a really lonely experience. Never again.

Anyways today too I went out to eat at a local pub and the service was horrible. I don't know why because he was nice to everyone else really but me. Was it because I was alone? So what?

They say go out when your feeling depressed don't isolate but what if the people you get exposed to are shit heads? Miserable people who make you feel more lonely depressed and uncomfortable. The whole experience once again just felt awkward. I was really just wanting to eat a good pizza and just felt scrutinized with the same cliquey everyone knows everyone and everyone is with someone else vibe.

I hate feeling awkward being by myself. I have no problem going out alone, If I didn't half the time I wouldn't go or do anything. But some people and places just try to make you feel so uncomfortable and "pathetic" for being alone. Like your alone and going out and you might not even go out to meet people but men and people might start badgering you to talk to them and socialize at a pub or something. Or you don't get the same attention as people who are with others get in service. It's annoying. I feel most people find someone on their own to be threatening so they make it so that person is lonely or pathetic. Which may be the case but may not be.

I personally enjoy my own company most of the time. I like doing what I want to do when I want and not feeling like I have to act say or be a certain way.

Anyways I don't like the weekends, especially lately.

I wanna get back into the grind. Too much time to think ruminate ponder and having to self motivate and plan too much. I'm good with one day off.