Everything is Fine in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

I actually went for a run on Saturday.
Other than that I just stayed home.

I’m only writing because I want to remember last night.

Lex invited me to Kung Fu De Mayo, which is this thing her friend, Dave, has been doing every year for the last 12 or so years. Basically, Cinco De Mayo rolled around one year and Dave decided that he didn’t want tacos, he wanted chinese food and he wanted to watch Kung Fu movies…and somewhere along the way blood liquor got involved.

Blood liquor ( at least last night ) is just tequila with a bunch of beef blood in it.

I don’t drink anymore, but this was the first time I felt like I was missing out in the almost six months since I stopped.

I brought one of my best friends, Austin, with me and he even drank the blood liquor, TWICE, which I thought was amazing because Austin never wants to do satanic shit with me and gets all weird when I talk about blood sacrifices and stuff, or when I want to play with a Ouija board, or when I talk about my book of attack magick, or that one time when I wanted to summon a succubus to make my eternal girlfriend…so, yeah, I was impressed.

We also had two hot-pots going, one of them was mild and was “The Fish District” and then we had another hot-pot that was “Spicy Town”, and there was no fish in Spicy Town because Lex and Austin can’t eat seafood, so I hung in Spicy Town with them because I like spicy and I don’t really know any of the other people very well, and I have to say, as someone who eats spicy things all the time, Spicy Town had a kick to it. It was really good. I just ate a lot of mushrooms and noodles…I actually don’t think I ate anything else. There was pumpkin and bean sprouts and cabbage…but I mean, there were like four types of mushrooms…and noodles, so come on. Oh, and I had some beef.

Okay, that’s riveting, right? Listening to all of the things I ate? I’m sure that was really fun, that wasn’t for you, that was for me.

We watched “Kung Fu Hustle”, which I’ve never seen before, so that was super fun. That movie is seriously hilarious, and the fighting is also awesome and super inventive. It was a really good time. I don’t want all movies to be like that movie…but why can’t all movies be good? Like, I feel like it’s not hard to make a good movie, is it? I mean, I’ll bet I could probably do a pretty decent job if I had the equipment. It would be a piece of shit, but it would have heart…but I’m pointing the finger at these Hollywood studios, these mother fuckers are professionals who have millions of dollars at their disposal and years and years and years AND YEARS of experience under their belt…so what the fuck are they doing making piece of shit after piece of shit? Every fucking movie is just oatmeal without sugar…it’s just like, fuck man, I’d rather starve some days.

Rant rant rant rant rant rant rant…everything sucks, I am so disappointed in humanity, blah blah blah…art is hard, whatever, I’m an asshole.

JUST DO BETTER.

The frustrating part is when you see people do great things and then you wonder why people even bother doing shitty things? And I don’t mean “why do people bother doing things poorly” because I totally understand that, you HAVE to do things poorly, everyone does, that’s the entire human experience is just doing things poorly over and over again until eventually you don’t suck that bad, and then you either die or you slowly began to do things worse and worse again as you age because life is just a gigantic cosmic joke, and it’s an inside joke, and no one NO ONE is on the inside.

I want to know why people do shitty things…like…the last two Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies…absolutely ZERO living creatures in the known galaxy have seen either of those films and thought to themselves “Well, they tried their best.”

NO ONE!

FUCK THOSE ASSHOLES!

Seriously, fuck those assholes…I took both of those movies personally.
Don’t fuck with the turtles.

Speaking of the Turtles, I got this new game “Injustice 2” and all I do is be the Turtles and fuck up Superman....over and over and over. And then sometimes I fuck up Super Girl and AquaMan and Wonderwoman…and sometimes I’m Batman and I go back to fucking up Superman because fuck Superman.

Last night, Lex was wearing black jeans and this little…not quite, but almost, black crop-top with a Ouija board on it, and her hair is white and pulled back, and she actually had her makeup all done up so she looked super pale with super dark eyes…

…Okay, it’s starting to get kind of difficult. I guess.

Last night she told me I looked REALLY good and then she told me she liked my outfit so much…and then she said “I hope some girls come for you”…and then later she grabbed my ass again…hahaha, so I have no fucking idea.

Maybe I should have told her she looked good too…I don’t know what to do.
I really don’t know what to do.
I wish I didn’t like her so much, and I wish I didn’t feel like she needed people who care about her in her life so bad, or else I would just tell her how smart and interesting and witty and talented and cool and funny and weird and beautiful I think she is.

Maybe I should just kill myself.

That would be great…I would immediately slip into another timeline where I’m not dead, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and all it does is rack up karma points and cause physical pain and maybe permanent damage forever and ever and ever and ever and ever…I’ve killed myself three times now and every time it just fucking hurts so bad.

Maybe I should stop being an entitled little bitch and just get through this fucking human experience and stop seeing myself as a higher being because I am here and I am in a human body right now so I might as well fucking be human. I wish I could kick myself in the nuts and then kick myself in the ribs again when I was doubled over, like three times, and then a stiff kick to the face to just knock my own ass out…probably knock out a couple teeth.

Fuck his ass up.
Kick his ass, Sea Bass.
Something else clever to say about fighting or something…like a Fight Club quote or something.

Whatever.

One of my favorite things that Alec has ever come up with: “She’s like ‘Blah blah blah’, and I’m all, ‘Whatever’“.

…

Sometimes, I think the reason I can always talk to you so openly is because I’m not afraid of you ever leaving me.
You already did.
I love you, still.
- Dane