I Ramble. in meh...

(This is largely a mental dump. I need this so I can get back to being myself. Which this is me, too, but I don’t need this at the forefront right now. So bear with me or feel free to ignore. Yours Truly, Management.)

I had a dream I had sex with Him. It was a scenario where we knew it was wrong but we did it anyway. I would not do it again in my wake life. I’d be really, REALLY tempted, but I couldn’t disrespect his marriage even if he was willing to.

After Prince died, he came to me in a dream and told me, “Go ahead. Wear me out.” He knew how I felt about him. I felt Sheri Sheppard when she told him “I’ve wanted to make love to you my whole life.” Little bitty self. He may not have been packing, but his mental game was so fierce, I probably would give him my “O” face before he’d even touched me. On the other hand, it could be like that one guy when I was a senior in high school. Met a guy who, kind of, reminded me of Prince in hindsight. Small hands, small feet, short dude. HUGE D**K. I couldn’t sit down on the school bus without a cushion the next day.

I haven’t had sex in nearly 4 years. I’m ok with that most days because I don’t like the drama that comes with it. On days like today though, the feeling is out of control. I want to do right and still be in God’s will for my life, but I wanna be dirty. Damn. How Rocky Horror of me. LOL Being molested as a kid and objectified most of my life, I fell into that “empowerment” trap that I’m supposed to take control over myself to give what was done to me less power. Well, I just epiphanized that, in reality, I was overly sexualized too early in life so I have been conditioned to be sexual. I’m also a Cancer and am one of the more sensual of zodiac signs. Another part if my nature is that I am my father’s child and am prone to having hoe tendencies whether I act on them or not. So it’s no win situation for me. (This makes me laugh when I should probably be crying.)

Sex, lusting, all of its cohorts…these is my fleshly battles. And I’m a freak. LOL
I read an old comment where my cousin called me an old freak. I was howling with laughter. It was hilarious to me.

::sighs heavily::

I’m an unsexed oversexual that wants to get down but question my morality so much that I just say, “Forget it.” I asked a question years ago and no one has answered it yet. Mainly because they can’t stop laughing.

“Is there such a thing as hoe with morals?”
It really is a funny question, but morals and standards are different things, I think, so the question is logical if you think of it from that standpoint.

Told you it was a mental dump.
I have a scab on my stomach that itches because I got bit by something and scratched my skin until it was raw. Hmmm… goodnight all.

Kindest regards,
Sister