So, I'm a smart ass! in QUOTIDIEN

Let me preface this by apologizing to my nurse friends or any nurse who is respectful and can make inquiries without condescension. The following nurse is a very poor example, IMO, of those such as yourselves.

I am. And it seems that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for fools. Now - before I share what brought this on, I believe we should pass a law that requires new converts and new nurses to take a vow of silence for at least one year while their fervor falls in balance with reason.

Purple Urine Bag Syndrome= UTI and potential kidney infection. So much bacterial overgrowth that urine stains tubing and bag purple! Proper course of action: You get a clean urine sample to the doctor ASAP.

In order to get a clean sample, I wash my hands, glove up, iodine area around stoma (hole that leads direct into bladder), remove old catheter, and throw away all contaminated materials, un-glove. I re-wash my hands, re-iodine area around stoma, insert new catheter, and allow fresh urine to drip into sterilized collection cup, which took about 30 minutes. There is no other way to get a clean sample from a bed-ridden patient.

I get to the doc's office with this sample. Receptionist calls out Nurse Never-Seen-Before, saying, 'this is the PUBS sample I told you was coming in.'

This nurse is so new, she squeaks. And I'd been to the office often enough to know she was a fresh hire.

'Yeah', she says 'never heard of it before.' Then to me, she says, 'What tchu got, there', pointing her chin towards what could only be the urine sample I brought in.

'Clean catch urine sample.'

'Uh-huh. From the collection bag.' She was contempt personified in facial expression and posture.

It was a bitchy swipe on her part, and as I stated, I no longer have the patience for fools.

'No. I said it was a clean catch sample. This means, I cleaned the stoma, then cleaned with iodine....etc. It really wouldn't make sense to take a sample from a dirty collection bag.'

She then takes on a conspiratorial tone, and while rolling her eyes she throws her own profession under the bus, 'You would be surprised at how many nurses don't know that.'

I offered up a demure smile while slipping on my gloves,and said 'Well, you see, dear...I'm not a nurse.'