Five G's in Current Events

I believe in what is said in that video. However, I apparently have too much experience trying to help toxic people that I could hear them arguing every single word, in my mind. Perhaps, I am turning into a toxic person myself. I appear to be constantly creating excuses as to why I get to be a victim in my life. Just wanting a “there there” to validate just letting life happen to me so that I don’t have to do anything to make things better. I’m just coping while I wait for everything to magically get better by itself.
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I was getting into my feels yesterday so I went for a run. Then I came home and did a workout and got into my feels again so I went for a run. Then I came home and did a workout and got into my feels again anyway. I am trying to keep work drama out of my head so my mind decided to become obsessed with my finances instead. This pattern of thinking is a habit that I need to break.
I decided to make a dumb choice and hit up the casino yesterday. I was aiming to win enough money to solve all my problems. I now have more problems lol. Well, I at least still have all my problems. I am seeing my mother tonight to do her hair, then I am asking for her advice on what to do with my car. I am rushing my plans to move in with Toni so I can quit my job. I can’t afford my car and my rent if I drop down to a lesser wage than what I am currently making. I have money in my savings but not enough to provide a couple of months of security if I get fired and that is because I am rushing into this apartment. I have to renew my car insurance and license next week and I wanted to make one annual payment… but why would I do that if I sell my car? I’m so confused about what I should do next. She will help me decide. Until then, I am still not drinking and still not making dumb purchases. I was at the book store yesterday for an hour looking for something, anything good that could take me out of my world for a bit. I left empty handed. I feel like all that I am doing is coping with issues and not solving them. I hate saying “I need” but I need I need I need to stop putting things between me and my goals and just do it.
I taught my niece the 5 G’s yesterday, Good God Get a Grip Girl! I need to start saying that to myself. I decided to stop drinking a couple of weeks ago because that doesn’t make anything better but tonight when I get home I will have a glass of wine, I will grab my budget book and my notebooks and create an action plan and hold myself accountable. I say this every other entry but I need to just do it already. Dammit.

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Last updated April 24, 2019