Baka Of Course in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

So… this morning I woke up refreshed and ready to do… fun things.
My creative juices were flowing and on the drive in to work I was making all these poems and songs in my head.
My erotic desires were high as it has been a month since I had sex and I’ve had “alone time” to take care of things far less this month.
I was going to be a creative, erotic, writing fiend!

But… of course… I was driving to work. Which means work. And there was plenty waiting for me.
(1) Create, Write, and File a petition to Terminate Parental Rights. Because… when your child is less than 1 years old… it isn’t important to stop doing drugs or even to VISIT the child! Seriously… Mamma in this kid’s life has said (in less elegant words), “The sex that resulted in that child was transactional. I had unprotected sex in exchange for meth and marijuana. The child has no meaning to me as she was not conceived out of love.”
(2) Two months ago, a man and woman got into a fight. The woman called saying, “Cops better get here cuz I’m likely to kill the man!” When police arrived, the man was bleeding profusely from the head and the woman had a few arm bruises. Both were charged; I gave sweetheart deals to both where the rules were “Obey the law, live clean lives, for 12 months and this won’t go on your records.” WELL… the Mr. decided that would NOT monitor his temper. And instead strangled the woman. So… that creates work, now, in two cases because I was willing to say “You got your ass kicked, but you were both fighting. Stop fighting and all will be well.”
(3) Officer e-mailed me asking me about his ability to arrest someone for stealing a $60 ring in 2010. I had to read his narrative to get all the facts and seriously? Mother. Fucker. The damned thing reads like a shitty hillbilly telenovela. 1 saw on facebook that 2 was wearing a ring belonging to 3. 1 called 4, since 3 was dead, and asked 4 what 3 had said in the will. 4 said that 3 had lost the ring before ever dying. SO 4 called 5 to talk to 2. 2 stole the ring from 6 thinking it belonged to 7 because after 7 died, 6 refused to give anyone anything and all 2 wanted was a reminder of 7. So, 4 and 5 asked 8 to grab the ring and bring it to police for verification. 8 grabbed the ring, brought it to the police and 4 claimed the ring and verified ownership. 4 wants to press charges stating 2 can’t get away with just taking whatever he wants. Despite the fact that the ring went missing from the original owner almost 10 years ago… despite the fact that the ring has a minimal financial value… and despite the fact that the ring was (essentially) returned.
(4) A man decided in December that he wanted to text his ex-girlfriend how he really felt about her. Statements such as “were gonna shoot you” and “yur whol family is dead”. He had a sentencing hearing today that he felt he did not need to attend.
(5) A 17 year old in our State Training School last year decided that he wanted to beat the shit out of a teacher and attempt to escape. He was apprehended and given a deal by my predecessor. If he stays at the school for 1 more year and behaves his damned self; he gets released, no additional jail time. He did NOT behave his damned self and decided that the best way to continue his year was to draw as much blood from as many people as he could until we intervened again. So… we’re trying to get the court to put this kid in Adult Jail where maybe he’ll learn either (a) he doesn’t want to be in jail for the rest of his life; or (b) he’ll get comfortable with where he is likely to continue to return to for the rest of his life.
(6) I have 15 hearings tomorrow that it would really behoove me to take care of today if possible since work done today for tomorrow’s hearings could be the difference between a 4 hour court meeting and a 1 hour court meeting.
(7) Mrs. Hate My Husband calls again. :( HERE’S THE HARDEST THING ABOUT THE LAW sometimes. A man allegedly molests his daughter. BAD. We want to see something done about that! However, daughter tells police “nothing happened.” Eyewitness tells police, “I didn’t see anything but I did see them off in the corner together.” Oh… and this happened 3 years ago! However… Man’s ex-wife and mother of the child… wants justice! She wants us to arrest him, keep him in jail, and give him a 20 year prison sentence. I can’t. I can’t even arrest him. Our investigation (of which I was only tangentially connected to after the fact) turns up suspicion but no evidence. Not even testimonial evidence. I appreciate that you’re upset. I appreciate that you’re furious. I really and truly do. But… here’s the painful, horrible, terrifying truth. You could have photographic evidence of this man being naked in the bathtub with this child and I couldn’t get a conviction! Because (a) he’s her father; (b) overt and provable sexual conduct MUST exist for a crime to exist; (c) a victim willing or able to testify would help in a big way. Without that? Imagine it from the following perspective:
Angry ExWife with a history of going after ExHusband. She gets on the stand to describe how ExHusband is an awful man. Eye Witness testifies that he saw Girl and Father in a corner acting suspicious. Victim testifies that “Daddy and I were standing there.” and that’s it. What jury is going to convict?
(8) Probation Revocation Hearing took 2 hours because the judge was busy… then because the 18 year old kid wanted to argue why he shouldn’t have to get counseling because his violent outbursts against himself and others aren’t indicative of any mental health issues.

SO on a day where I initially felt creative and erotic and driven to write… my morning becomes The Thing That Ate The World. We’ll see if I have any of those good writing vibes in me after my lunch… lunch which didn’t happen because of the hearings. So hopefully, maybe, if I’m lucky… I’ll leave here early because I have business at City Hall.

As expected… working like that… kind of… not entirely… but kind of killed the burst of creative energy I was enjoying. I think… think… I can get it back. But I may have to do that annoying thing where I build up to it by having emotional responses to the News which… I understand that many of you aren’t thrilled about. The news is a scary, depressing, upsetting place. And what keeps getting scarier, more depressing, and more upsetting… is that we can’t agree on which news stories are scary, depressing, and upsetting.
Headline: Migrant Children Discuss Sexual Assault in Camps
Lib Response: This is inexcusable; children should not be subjected to such horrors
Con Response: This is their parents’ fault for trying to come into the country illegally.
Headline: 200 Christians Slain in Sri Lankan Attack
Lib Response: Tragic. Religious violence needs to stop!
Con Response: Proof that Muslims want us all dead. This is horrible and absolute proof that a Muslim Ban is needed.
Headline: Notre Dame Burns
Lib Response (that I actually saw): Screw the Catholics, Screw the French. Their slavery, sexual assault covering, black hating asses are not worthy of my sympathy.
Con Response: This is a nightmare!! We need to raise all the money we can to fix this immediately!

Is there no common ground anymore? Children being sexually assaulted.... the only response should be “How do we stop that?”… regardless of immigration policy issues. People being murdered for their faith… the only response should be “How do we stop that?” … remembering that Jews were slain recently and that Muslims were slain recently by other individuals looking to murder out of hate. Massive Cultural Icon Destroyed… the only response should be, “What a tragedy for that country.”… your politics shouldn’t make you cold to the pain of others, just like your politics shouldn’t encourage you to select “Church Reconstruction” over “Clean Water for Flint”.

Kamala Harris has come out in favor of Impeachment; joining Elizabeth Warren.
I am… SO conflicted on this particular battle. Do I believe that Donald Trump intentionally took actions that should get him criminally indicted? YES. In order to do that, does he need to be removed from office? YES. So… in most practical ways, I’d be an obvious Pro-Impeachment guy. But I don’t think I can say that! I mean… what we have here is the following:
Trump supporters to the level of Trumpists amount to roughly 60 million Americans. That is roughly 18% of the population. If there are even 23 million Americans willing to vote for Trump beyond that? Trump has 25% of the Population’s popular vote. If voting numbers mirror 2016… that is MORE than enough to reclaim the Presidency. And… as Republicans seem to be more and more forgiving of anything Trump does because we have Gangland Politics instead of Civil Service Politics… all that is required for Trump to win a second term is either (a) continued democratic disenfranchisement; or (b) a lightning rod issue for the GOP to stir their base into action. Both seem likely as that has become the status quo of our Country. An impeachment fight would enhance all of that. Democrats Move to Impeach. They lack the numbers to remove from office. Democrat Voters feel even more beaten down that, despite ample evidence of Criminal Activity by the President… the government didn’t care. Republican Voters feel even more stirred to fight because they feel like Liberals will do anything they can to steal back power. THAT is why I’m reluctant. Because I don’t want an impeachment attempt to complicate or make the 2020 election any more difficult for Non-Trump candidates.

Something that this conversation can jump off to? Meghan McCain. When Trump goes after her father, as he does often, she is willing to stand up to the President and speak truth: Trump is a small man, lashing out at a dead man; because even in death John McCain is a better politician, human, republican than Trump will ever be. However, apparently that all goes out the window when talking about ANY Republican in reference to Trump. Y’know how despite Trump running the White House like a chaotic dumpster fire that doesn’t need to actually be staffed? Y’know how despite Trump constantly ignoring or overriding the experts in their fields for his own interests? Y’know how the Mueller report basically stated that Trump has actively been involved with Russia, definitely tried to obstruct justice, and honestly doesn’t give one minuscule ShIT about the laws of this Country? How ALL OF THOSE THINGS and yet Republicans in Office are still all “But Trump is a good guy, a Republican, and our President so we have to support him and make sure he’s protected.” Apparently, Meghan McCain thinks it is inappropriate to criticize those Republicans because… uhm.... Trump has made some good decisions. That was her reasoning. Honestly… lets take that logic at face value.
Trump stacks the courts making it look like Abortion Becomes Illegal; Gays Don’t Get Rights; Muslims Aren’t People. Let’s say you are someone that wants that in a country you unironically call “Land of the Free.” Okay. Than compare that to what you are saying Trump is okay doing in exchange. The Mueller Report expressly states that Trump and his Administration lied to the American People, worked closely with the Russians to promote Russian Interests in the United States, attempted to interfere with a Democratic Election, tried to collude with Russia but was too incompetent, attempted to obstruct justice significantly and only failed due to the intervention of staffers that are no longer there, and has committed other crimes outside of the scope of the Mueller Investigation but that have produced over 23 guilty pleas or convictions and include 12 continuing Southern District of New York investigations; 11 of them which are being kept sealed (this may mean, but is not conclusive, that some of these investigations will directly result in indictments of Trump but will wait until he is no longer in Office). So… a few judges… for your entire democracy. Yeah, I think criticizing the assholes who accept that trade off should be considered fair game!

Here’s a funny, interesting, different shift to things.
The United States Supreme Court is now hearing arguments about whether the United States Census should add a Citizenship Question. Frankly, there ARE good arguments on both sides.
Under the US Constitution, the federal government must count every person in the country every 10 years as part of the census. Note: every person does not mean citizens only therefore even non-citizen people in the United States must be counted. However given the massive, aggressive, and sometimes illegal way in which the current administration has treated non-citizens… does ANYONE think that non-citizens will fill out a census if they know it includes the citizenship question? Honestly? If it could get you deported, imprisoned, separated from your children where your children could be imprisoned (and/or sexually assaulted), and ruin your life… are you really going to choose your Civic Duty to Census over all of that safety concern?!? On the other hand… it would be good to know the number of non-citizens in the United States as the Census exists for multiple reasons… including Government Representation, Taxation, and Program Expectations. For example, if New Mexico reports a population of 2 million people… they are given government representation for 2 million people, taxation for 2 million people, and programming budgets for 2 million people. BUT with Citizenship Census Question, New Mexico reports a population of 1.5 Million Citizens and .5 Million Non-Citizens? They get .5 million people less Government Representation, the same taxation, and a different Programming Budget. The Federal Government would likely see that as a Money Saving Positive. I’ll let all of you make up your own minds as to whether the question should be asked at all.
For my money? I think the whole damned thing could be avoided if you made it an optional question. Like… feel free to fill out the census, all questions must be answered or your census will not count, please disregard question 17 on Citizenship if you wish not to answer- failure to answer 17 will not invalidate your census responses.

Lastly on the political stage, I want to address these fucking Southern Border Militias. Have you heard about this? There are currently vigilante militias roaming the Southern Border using weapons and numbers to intimidate “those they suspect to be illegal aliens crossing the border.” That is… there are groups of white dudes with guns hunting humans and saying that it is okay because, “They’re illegal.” My big question: HOW DO YOU KNOW?! Maybe you come upon a family of legal Mexican Immigrants that are camping because they love to camp but know they can’t do it too much longer with the summer heat incoming. Do you kidnap them? Cuz… apparently, the answer these militias have is YES. The FBI and local state agencies have reminded the public that such actions are illegal but these “patriots” claim that they are just making sure the laws of the nation are obeyed. They… fail to see the irony there. BUT to answer my previous question… how can they justify breaking the law by kidnapping and/or threatening people based on their ethnicity? Uhm, they’re racists. They aren’t patriots. And if you disagree? FBI agents received reports in 2017 that the leader of a right-wing militia that has been detaining immigrants in New Mexico had said then that his group was “training” to kill former President Barack Obama, former Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and billionaire George Soros, according to an FBI affidavit. Because… you know… a true patriot to a democratic nation wants to violently murder their political opponents, dont’ya know.

I mean.. I may think Trump should go to prison or at the very least shut the hell up… but the entire POINT of democracy is the exchange of power without violence. There are only two reasons to start killing political leaders in a democratic nation. (1) They have illegally gained power and refuse to allow the democratic process to work in an effort to retain that power; or (2) they have consistently, maliciously, intentionally, and knowingly subverted the will of the people in such a manner as to destroy the nation’s governments, economies, institutions, and states. Now… I believe Trump is a legitimate threat to democracy. I believe Trump gained power through Russian meddling. But even Trump does not rise to the level of meeting either of those standards. In short: Mr. Hopkins is another Ultra Right Wing Gun Nut Filled With Conspiracy Theories, Rage, and Fear. Like Dylan Roof or Edgar Welch or Samuel Woodward or Robert Bowers or Brenton Tarrant. The problem is getting worse. And people like Trump? Are helping that problem get worse.

Oh… bother and shit. I just discovered something that I… well… I rather think I kind of hate about myself. You see, I decided to read and catch up on some things during down time. Unless I’m possessed of the creative spirit, I’d much rather read and stay caught up with people than write more blithering numbness into the void of cyberspace. HERE’S THE PROBLEM: As I read, it began to sap what creative stir I had begun igniting again. Not because reading others required me to use that creativity.., but because of the Green Eyed Monster that lives within me at all times. I read about people jet-setting; tripping off to an Island Get Away for a few days… or discovering new passion; detailing the erotic adventures of being ravaged by a new man… or any number of wonderful things happening to people I care about. And I’m genuinely happy that people are getting to experience that! Hell… loads of people deserve to be getting those experiences so when they happen at all, celebrate them! But then… that’s what drains my creativity. The fact that, for some? This is reality. I could sit here and weave a web of words detailing the mind-blowing erotic adventures of a man discovering a woman’s ultimate desires and spending hours worshiping her in such a way as to make her renewed in sexual vigor. But it will only ever be a story. A What If to a world that will never be. A hope born from a mind, a heart, that wishes for the world to be a bit more like fantasy. And yet… I read from people for whom there IS no fantasy… that IS their life. They can make a phone call on a Friday Night and their weekend is booked with pleasure, fun, and joy. And… it drains my creative will to write the fiction. Possibly because it will out me as a fraud? Because as I sit here and write what I wish could be reality, others are living it and would easily know that I’ve not had the experience to properly convey that wish. ?? Maybe. Or more likely… after seeing that people can and do live this way, and assessing within myself if I would ever be capable of doing likewise… I realize that despite whatever fantasies or hopes I have living within me… I simply would not live those lifestyles. Sure, it would be fun to imagine that I’m the guy mountain climbing on weekends and seducing an athletic blond… but I’m not that guy. Sure, it would be fun to imagine that I’m the guy that goes to an Anime Convention and strikes up a conversation with a con-goer followed by a long coffee followed by being led to her hotel room… but I’m not that guy. So that might be it. Seeing The Reality reminds me that My Fantasy is, in fact, achievable for some… but not for me. And how that isn’t simply luck of the draw, or fate, or the way of the world.... that, for some of that… it is an honest, thoroughly considered choice. That I have made choices to put me where I am today and that, despite all of those fantasy worlds and What If Options never being for me… I’m not exactly displeased with where I am. Discontented? Maybe. Unsatisfied? A little. But in the grand scheme of things? I’m comfortable with where I am. In fact, I’m good with where I am. So ultimately… maybe that’s the issue. After reading about people’s Realities that reflect my Fantasies… I find myself incapable of then writing those fantasies because I’ve grown to accept that the choices I would have to make to bring those fantasies into reality… are just not choices I would have made.

BAH! And so now here it is… I worked the morning away, I had meetings all through the afternoon, I’ve written and just when I think “Awesome, I’m in the right head space to do a poem, or a song, or a story, my creativity is coming back.” I have to leave. Dang blasted.