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Last week, after my bust at the Casino I decided that I would punish myself by not buying alcohol for a few weeks. So I’m currently a little drunk, ha! Thriving. >.>
I figured that if I pretend like I don’t have any problems they will all just go away. So far so good. My friend Ashley is having a wedding social this Friday and I was supposed to pick up my tickets today but I am a little bitch and I just wanted to come home and decompose. It’s my Friday. I called her to reschedule and then I personally thanked her for excluding me from her wedding party. No tea no shade people, we both laughed about it because we both know that I hate being the bridesmaid and never the bride. However, I somehow got volunteered to help out and sell the 50/50 tickets at her social. So yes, my social anxiety and I are looking forward to walking around and going table to table and conversing with every single person in that hall. omg I’m stressed.
Karamjeet and I had a lot of fun today. Brad is over the hype of me hiring her and we’ve been left to our own devices so things feel back to normal. Except that I have a peer. In a couple of weeks, we will have green grass and good weather so I am taking her to all the little places in the city that she has never been to. I am so excited about it. Somebody saw that she has a picture of herself as her background on her phone. “I fucking love myself man!” Can I borrow her confidence for like 5 minutes? lol jk I would break it.
My sister asked me to take my niece to daycare tomorrow. I haven’t been spending too much time with her lately, my niece. I want to fix that. She’s actually a person now. Even though she is only three. We went for a walk the other day, she has so much energy and doesn’t even know what to do with it. This is why I quit smoking and started to diet and exercise when she was born. We’ll all be in our 40s when she graduates. Somebody needs to be able to keep up. My sister is going to have her next one any day now. There is going to be a baby in the house next week. Holy frig.
I am supposed to visit Bev and her boys tomorrow. She wants to take them to a park or some shit like that. I am not good with kids, even though they love me. I am sure that it will go fine! She wants to reconnect with me because she is certain that I will be a good influence in her life. I don’t have enough self-esteem to agree with that but I think women like her are superheroes. She spent the last few years keeping her family together while her husband struggled with his mental health. My ride or die is also going through that. These women are so much stronger than I will ever be. Carrying a whole family like that. For Bev though, it was time to take herself and her children away from that situation. She’s now in single mom mode and trying to build a new life for herself and her children.
I often think about how selfish we were as kids. Maybe not everybody but I know that for myself and every other person that I’ve ever met, we grew up without thinking about how are parentals were people too. They didn’t just make all their choices about us, they made choices for themselves too. We didn’t even think about how our choices affected them at all. Are Bev’s kids going to grow up to hate and blame her for leaving their father? Does a problem child become a problem adult? I’ve had a lot of therapy in my lifetime and I no longer blame my mother for anything. I am a grown man now after all. I need to stop rambling now. I’m starting to sound like I have an opinion and I don’t usually let those out into the world wide web.
Sorry if I struck nerve (my only reader lol)
ta
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I remember when I used to listen to music. Now I’m a fucking hippie.

Last updated April 09, 2019