Well, This is Different in Here Be Dust

A tech said to me yesterday, "You're such a skinny thing!" As I reported on MyFitnessPal, that was the NSV part. (NSV = Non-Scale Victory.) But I had framed this as an NSV plus cautionary tale.

The cautionary tale part is that the tech worked an ultrasound that followed a diagnostic mammo that followed my regular screening mammo, with the upshot that I go in for a biopsy next week, schedule TBD. My left breast has a nodule of the type that has gone either way -- radiologist said it looks like stuff that's been benign and it also looks like stuff that's been cancerous.

The ultrasound tech said she could feel where it is. With all the changes my body has undergone with weight loss (including feeling my bones closer to the surface), I had no idea that I wasn't feeling bone, especially since the nodule itself is hard. I think I found it for myself last night, now that I know what to pay attention to and where.

The take-away message (as I said on MFP): In addition to doing breast self-exams and getting mammograms, pay extra attention during self-exams when the rest of your body is changing. The nodule had gotten lost amidst everything else.

I'll get a call to let me know when the biopsy will occur; all I know at this point is that it's next week at the hospital. Positive vibes gratefully accepted!

I've downloaded a very informative article on breast biopsy from the American Cancer Society and have a good set of questions to ask, since there are several different kinds of biopsy that could be done. In case the nodule is malignant, I've also gotten info about a breast cancer support group at the hospital.

I also took M to the dermatologist this morning. She has a nickel-sized red spot on her cheek. She'd had shingles back in 1982 and thought it might be repeating, but that's not the case. Dermatologist said she's had a reaction to something or has an allergy and the spot should go away in time; she has a prescription for a steroid cream that she doesn't want to use (she'd rather wait for the spot to fade). As long as the spot doesn't get worse or more of them appear, she's in the clear.

Earlier this year M canceled her appointment with an endocrinologist and postponed her appointment with the neurologist, saying her iron levels are "way off," despite the fact that her iron tested out fine last September. She has stopped going to talk therapy, giving the same reason. Her delusions seem to be increasing -- I've gotten a note from her gastroenterologist saying that no, M has no evidence of having had gastric bypass surgery (which she now says had been done in secret on her in 1982), because M now tells health care professionals that this happened and she wants it on her record. She also now says that a brain shunt had been performed on her -- again, in secret. When I showed her the gastro's note, she said he wrote that because I had told him to. I also have a note from her GP saying that she is non-compliant with meds. She has stopped taking Synthroid and has resumed taking certain OTC vitamins (like A and chromium) that the neuro has told her not to take.

I'm not her legal guardian (she can still do her ADLs: activities of daily living), so I can't force her into any kind of compliance. Basically I look at it all as a waiting game. Meanwhile, I sneak to her doctors and get notes from them that I can share with health care professionals when M spouts stuff that has no evidence backing it up. I feel like a kid passing notes around in class when the teacher's not looking. As she signed in at the dermatologist, I snuck out back with an envelope of supplemental info to hand in.

I posted on Facebook that I've got a biopsy coming up -- didn't give details because nothing's certain yet -- and have gotten tremendous support, as well as at MFP and at the weekly all-purpose 12-step group that M and I attend.

I received a private message of support from M's sister A, who said they've got my back. Issues with M's family have been touchy, though I'm connected with a few members on FB. Neither they nor M communicate with each other more than maybe a couple of times a year. When I had communicated with M's family during her hysterectomy in 2009, M had viewed it as a betrayal. Hot and cold running dysfunctionality there.

If what I've got is malignant, I plan to do a debriefing with her siblings if I can. During a rare conversation we both had with the brother M says she's closest to, I asked him if he wanted to see any of her medical records. She's given clearance for him to see them and she had confirmed that during our conversation. He said he didn't think it was "relevant." On the other hand, he's also got his hands full, since he's the primary caregiver for their mother, who's in her 90s and in an assisted living facility.

M puts on a good show for people (her neuro says he can tell when she's on her best behavior; a fellow caregiver calls it "showtime"), so I suspect her relatives don't realize just how sick she is. But if I'm going to be sick, too, then they need to know. Among the people giving me support on FB are a couple of women with whom M was very close decades ago, long before she and I had met. I've delivered their past messages to M, but M doesn't feel ready to communicate with them -- about anything, even to just say hello.

According to the material from the American Cancer Society, 80 percent of biopsies turn out to be non-cancerous. I keep my fingers crossed that the odds remain in my favor.