All the painful tears burn down my face in Walking with God, Courting, and Talking to Jay

If only Jay were here to smile them away.
If only my beloved fox didnt have to go.
If only I’d finally find that perfect someone who would stay forever.
Hopeless.
Struggling.
Missing you.
I hope I get to see you soon.
But the way things are going…
Probably not.
If you are out there reading this Jay,
I wish youd stop by and make it feel okay.
You always had that special way.
And the rest of the world just melted.
As I looked into your confident happy eyes.
Terrifying.
Amazing.
I really need that right now.
Just sitting and talking to you.
Just you and me or maybe you, me, and a friend or two.
Maybe someday I’ll find a way to make dreams come true.

As for the rest of you…
I guess you should know.
I few nights ago,
I chose to live.
I was proud.
Seems like such a simple thing.
But sometimes it’s the hardest thing to do.
Here I still am,
But hey,
What else is new?
Not many people know,
How many nights were almost my last,
How many times I struggle,
How hard it is not to live in the past.

I’m just exhausted of fighting so hard. I want a rest, one fun night with my old friend, maybe it’d help me mend. Miss you Jay. Keep being happy. Dont forget the good things old friend.