Always something there to remind me in Packrat

I'm finally finished cleaning up the downloaded text of my Open Diary!!! I got caught up in reading old entries, which always have nice surprises, while bolding titles and clearing out code, so I'm eager to have them all printed out and bound together so I can read them at my leisure.

Another gift, from reading more recent entries - I reminded myself of how much S had to go through just to go out to dinner with me. It's been a long, slow process, and this time it isn't me. In fact when I told Cousin M that I met a man even more clueless and shy than I am, she shook her head and said, "That scares me."

S devotes much of his free time to his mom, and he should. I wanted so much to go out with him, and those entries brought those days back and how happy I was that I initiated our first night out. We haven't been out much but not for lack of trying, as he has to take care of his mom, but I was displeased in that he couldn't take a minute to send me a text at least when he couldn't make a planned date. Just let me know. I told him this the last time we went out, because not hearing from him leaves me in limbo. We haven't been out since. Not because of that; his mom has been in and out of the hospital, and he and his brother thought they were going to lose her at Christmas. Winter here has been very cold, and I didn't even like going into the yard to feed my furry family.

So I enjoyed that in our forays out into frozen Philadelphia he took my arm to make sure I didn't fall on slushy sidewalks and held my hand to help me over slush piles on the corners. The delayed court appearance meant we had time to venture out a couple of times, had several meals together (with the brilliant young associate), and had time to sit by the fire to warm up and also sit at a table by the window to watch the world go by as we had hot tea and cheesecake.

I returned to sunny Oklahoma on Friday. He and Brilliant had to take a flight on Saturday. He received a message before he even left Philadelphia that his mom was in the hospital, so when he landed in Big City he immediately drove to College Town.

My time is not so taken up, so it's easy to sit there and feel petulant when he doesn't initiate, doesn't call, but really, what time does he have?

So I gave up on giving up on him. His mind is crowded with worry, wondering if he's doing the right thing, making sure his mom gets proper care and isn't just written off, so is it any wonder that he thinks a plan is in place and doesn't confirm if we've discussed an activity? If he just forgot about me all the time and didn't have the reason he does, that would be a different story.

I got caught up in working on my downloaded diary and missed lunches and stayed beyond the time to go home, so surely I can look past the times he has "forgotten" me and for a much better reason.

If anything, the entries showed me that as slow moving as "we" seem to be, we do move.