Shitty friends in The grotesque metamorphosis of a Bi-Polar human into a Tri-polar monster.

So, I haven’t talked to Brittany in quite some time now. I don’t know how long it’s been, but definitely over a month.

She’s complicated because I’ve known her for several lifetimes, so we have…a past, and it’s not a very good one, and we both know it. But we’ve just kind of stuck around because of the familiarity of it all.

We tried to be romantic…it didn’t work.
We still stuck around.

But the thing is that she treated me like shit…and finally I told her that I was sick of her treating me like shit, and then she was better for a while…but of course, she went back to treating me like shit. So I just stopped talking to her.

I think I used to be okay with being treated like shit because I didn’t know who or what I was, I thought I was insane, and an addict, and I had been homeless, and I couldn’t hold down jobs, and I thought I was a bad person because I had done bad things while I was just trying to survive myself…so yeah, I was okay with being treated like shit because I genuinely thought it was all I deserved.

But, for the last six years I have been on this…transformational journey and I’ve realized that I’m not a terrible or worthless person, and I don’t deserve to be treated like shit…and since I had already told Brittany before that I didn’t like it, I didn’t feel the need to tell her again, so I just stopped talking to her.

And you know what? She hasn’t reached out to me either.

I started getting this suspicion that she would only hit me up when she was lonely and no one wanted to hang…I dunno.

When I would hang out with her, she would talk so much shit on our mutual friends…and I’m not stupid, so I know she was or is talking shit about me to them as well.

I just don’t need that kind of shit.

Anyway, one of those friends is Lex, who I love dearly. I haven’t known Lex in previous lifetimes, but she is like me. Part of what comes with it is “mental illness” because we aren’t 100% comfortable in human bodies…ours are kind of different or something, I don’t know. All I know is that everyone I have met who is like me has been told how strange they are their entire life.

So, naturally, Brittany has talked A LOT of shit on Lex.

Last night, Lex hit me up, and she had been crying all night, and she told me that she was sorry she hadn’t been talking to me for a while (which I understood because her loyalties always lied with Brittany because Brittany is the one who took her in), but that she loved me so much and she missed me so much and she wanted to know if I could come over to hang out with her and do art stuff soon…and of course I was down, but then I asked her what was wrong and she told me she went through a friend breakup.

I can totally relate to that right now.

So we talked for a while, and eventually she told me the friend was Brittany, which I kind of figured already.

It sucks to be treated like shit just because people don’t understand you, and Lex tried to stand up for herself and I guess Brittany just fucking told Lex exactly how she felt about her…and apparently how she felt was like, “I think you fucking suck, you crazy piece of shit.” so…Lex doesn’t deserve that. She’s an amazing soul. She’s not “normal”, at all, she’s not good at being human at all, she’s worse than I am…but that’s also part of what makes her so awesome.

So.

To sum it all up: I am glad that I ditched Brittany’s ass.
However, every time I use my Oracle cards, I see the super and awesome and sweet note that Brittany wrote me when she gave them to me, because I keep it in there…and every time I see it I feel like I should reach out to her and thank her for the cards and the note, but then she might want to hang out and I don’t think I want to hang out with her.

Life is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done.

For sure.

I’m glad you’re here for the ride, though.
It makes it a lot less lonely.
I feel like loneliness takes me farther away from my humanity.
I can’t get any farther than I already am.
So thanks for that.
I love you.
I’ll talk to you soon.

-Dane