Better but still anxious about who knows in Glowing world

Kenny and I just saw Cirque de Soleil last night. It was nice, but pretty cold in there. It was nice to go on a date date.

Brent is now talking to me again, which I like. He was mad because I didn’t get him food one time when he was having a really really bad day. I was busy at work. It’s like, dude, grow up. Pack a lunch.

I’ve been applying to jobs. My next 5K is not this Sunday but next Sunday. There’s a party this weekend that’s going to be really really good. I just texted my therapist that I’d like to get rid of my habit of picking at my fingers until they bleed. Ideally I could find a better way of grounding myself and relieving anxiety. If I don’t have regular amounts of pain, it’s hard for me to feel like I’m connected to reality. I feel like I’m in the Matrix or something. I literally have a hard time feeling like I’m connected to this world or like I belong in it.

But, there are lovely people here. Grace and I have been texting more. I want to plan something with Erica. I’m still feeling torn in a bunch of directions and like I have more to do than I have time to do it.

The best I can do is all I can do, though.

I burnt my upper arm a little bit when I was cooking chicken the other day. But I’ve been doing a good job of cooking more and eating better. So that’s good. I weigh 157, which is down from 160 in January.

I don’t know what I want to do for my birthday. Ideally, either a fusion dance party or a fun girly day. But basically all the weekends are full. This weekend is a party. Next weekend is soon and it’s the day before my 5K. The week after is the big dancing camping trip thing. The weekend after that is the WCS dance workshop. The weekend after that is May 4th and I just don’t want to theme it Star Wars, plus I want Christina to be able to come. Then it’s the show. Then it’s another weekend CM wouldn’t be able to come. Then Labor day.