Future in A New Chapter

Well, it finally happened.
I ended the relationship with Jessica.
There really wasn’t much that could be done.
There were a couple of factors that came into play that really turned everything around.
1. I started seeing a therapist again who really put things into perspective. She started to point out that a lot of my problems when it comes to intimacy..is not because of me, but because I don’t feel comfortable around her. That I can be intimate easily but it needs to be someone I like (to be expanded upon further down.)

1. The drinking. She likes drinking which is fine but when she drinks she just turns into a walking bomb that starts digging up stuff from years ago. Every time she gets drunk, I end up staying up until late into the morning hearing her cry and curse me off, etc. All of this lead to her to say she wanted to break up with me this weekend, which I agreed on. She got mad because I agreed and immediately back tracked.

3.I got punched in the face. Its hard to admit and put down but it happened. It was New Years and we went out to see a show. She got drunk and made out with some guy. When I called her out on it when we got home she punched me. There is no other way to say it. It hurt. I kept quiet because the next days things somehow got better out of no where. I figured if they’d fix themselves it would be ok. but obviously they didn’t in the long term. I have only really told 2 people that I trust a lot about this. They both said the same thing: if my husband hit me in the face, wouldn’t you want me to leave?

4.This is probably the hardest one to write down because I don’t want to jinx it. But I met someone. I always wondered if all that poetic crap about connections and feeling the electricity was real since I had been attracted to people before but not like that. Well, I think I finally met someone like that. She is perfect and beautiful in every way. Its crazy but..she is from Sweden. We met just casually talking through Instagram. I am not much for the fluffy stuff..but, we just connected right away. We talk all day, over text, voice calls, video, etc. we even changed our sleep schedules so we can talk…and we are already planning to meet in person. it might all be a sham, who knows. But we have decided to owe it to ourselves to meet and see if we get along this well in person. I feel like I am crazy..but this girl seriously likes everything I like and has the perfect personality. its almost too good to be true.I guess we will see..

Despite all this. I still second guess myself. Its kind of crazy. Obviously when you have spent almost five years with someone it weighs heavy on your heart to see them go. The next weeks will be interesting. Probably the most interesting my life has been in a long time.