I lay awake at night not understanding what my heart is trying to tell me. I feel as if i am in love, but my brain knows it has only been one month. This is not love-it is lust. Has to be. I crave his company all the time, I love his aspirations, I desire his compliments and sweet touches. Time seems to stop, the world seems brighter, safer, simply better. But, I have been here before with all the other men I have loved.
It is always fun and exciting the first few months. Where you can lay in bed holding eachother without saying a word for hours. But that fades. Right? That intense feeling of longing and hating the fact it will be gone; happens in every love.
But, do I feel different with him? I do. The others were such a slow progression. I wanted to be with them, yes, but I didn't lose myself when I left them. I was happy to come home, take a shower in my own shower, lay in my own bed. But with him I dont feel that. I miss him. I miss him handing me a towel when I get out of the shower, I miss him holding me in bed, I miss his smell. What is happening? This is a new drastic measure of love for me with relationships. Have I changed? Not sure what this change is. He seems to actually understand me......he know my emotions as if they were his own. I dont know how to handle this. He is exactly like me in so many ways. Have I met my match? Can I love someone who reminds me of myself? Can I love me?
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