Self Sabatoge in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

I want to start this off with a specific noise to express how I’m feeling right now but I can’t find the right letters on the keyboard to do so.

Today. Has been. Busy. I got to work at a quarter to 9: Instantly busy. Like… hammered busy. Phone calls and e-mails and phone calls and e-mails… then court… then filing, filing, filing, filing.... I have about 45 minutes left in the day… I should be… I need to be working on my Jury Instructions. Jury Instructions, for those who may not know, are the set of legal rules that jurors are required to follow when deciding a case. Typically it is a list of rules, definitions, and statutes that allow the jury to understand what the State must prove and what, if any, Affirmative Defenses must prove. On a 4 count indictment, like I have, that list will typically be over 150 pages long. I know all of this and yet.... I’m just too tired. I can work on them tonight and tomorrow and Friday, no problem. I want to get them done sooner than later… especially as I have Pretrial Conferences tomorrow morning and a bench trial tomorrow afternoon. But… after pushing myself all day, trying to stay on top of 29 different cases all requiring different things and...... yeah. I think I’m just done for the day. At least done until I go home. I’m bringing my work with me in case I get that burst of energy to really be productive. But.... yeah. Brain is fried. Doing survey instead:

Do you wear socks to bed?
It is very rare for me to wear anything to bed. This changes rarely but occasionally and is strictly based on either emotions or weather. Typically my bed time clothing will be pajama pants or sweat pants (if I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable). If I’m feeling broken or cold, I will wear sweat pants and a sweatshirt. If I’m just bloody freezing, I’ll wear all of that and some warm fuzzy socks. So there’s the answer… I typically sleep naked, but if I am wearing socks to bed, it is because I am damned cold

If you’re drinking water and you stare down into the glass and you see a little piece of something floating around, do you keep drinking?
This actually happened to me recently. Honestly, I usually don’t. But lately, with exercising, I’m like “GIVE ME MORE WATER NOW!” and would just keep going.

In grade school, where did you sit on the bus?
I generally sat in the front. I am a nerd, I was a nerd, lol… and sitting in the front allowed me to see who got on better to see if I was likely to have a problem on the bus that day or not.

If you wear glasses/contacts, how bad is your prescription?
My eyes, in a word, suck. I have glaucoma so that ain’t good but also I have truly terribly shitty distance vision. Like if I didn’t have glasses and had to hunt for my food… I’d be dead.

What’s the best way to make you mad?
I can get mad pretty easily but I try to control my anger these days. As a general rule, hurting someone else because “you don’t care” will almost always work. Whether it is that wretched bitch that stole my friend’s sons birthday presents because “Unattended Amazon Package” looked inviting.... or that stupid asshole that stabbed his girlfriend because she wasn’t “putting out.” That stuff definitely makes me angry.

Do you have any birth marks? If so, where are they and what do they look like?
Nope. Not that I know of anyway. But, I mean, I suppose there are a lot of places that I could have a birthmark that I would be unable to check. Alright, people… taking volunteers: Who wants to check me for birthmarks?! LoL

If you had to only wear one color for the rest of your life, like a Teletubby, what would it be?
Black, because black almost always looks professional. If it had to be a “Color” (using the excuse of black/white not actually being colors) I would select navy blue.

Are your ears connected or dangly?
Connected, sadly

Who is your best friend (not your partner) and why?
That would have to be MBFITWW… because we get along, have a lot of the same interests, think alike, and enjoy each other’s company

Do you remember the smelly Gak? I miss that.
Yes, I do. I don’t really miss it, though. Or many of the other trend-toys that populated the 1990s.

Is there a scene in a movie that you completely relate to?
So many. There are movie scenes, and TV scenes, and Anime Scenes… there are hours of video representations of who I am and how I am. And yet… I can’t think of any at this exact moment. If we were in front of my DVDs, I could go point by point. But perhaps, tragically, the easiest one to say is the one I don’t own. The Shape of Things… Paul Rudd’s character Adam.... I relate to him in powerful and painful ways. And yet almost no one I know has ever seen that movie.

Which family member is your favorite and why?
I’ll limit this to just the ones that are alive but in truth, my favorites are dead. But then I’m stopped because how do you define family member… are we talking nuclear, strictly by blood, those married in, those adopted, those we are related to by multiple degrees… I’ve gone and complicated it, lol

Do you like eating peanut butter out of the jar?
Sometimes but not often

Is there a memory from grade school that still embarrasses you? What happened?
Most of my painful or embarrassing memories stick with me forever. Would you like to hear about the time I slammed my head into a metal pole… or maybe when I vomited all over myself… or when I slipped on my ass in an effort to hide a terrible art project

How often do you get your hair cut?
Between 2 and 3 times a year. It grows out and I look crappy but… I just… let it

Do you hate your job? Why or why not?
I like my job. Exhausting, emotionally draining at times, sure… but I do like my job

What’s your drug of choice?
Only drugs I’ve ever tried I’ve REALLY enjoyed… caffeine and alcohol.

What’s the best thing you cook/bake?
I cook chicken fairly well. That’s about it.

How often do you clean your bathroom?
I used to be a LOT better about this but now I’m awful. I usually clean the toilet once a month

How do you show love?
All the ways… words, actions, gifts, etcetera

Where is your favorite spot in the whole world?
In a boat, at night, on the ocean, sleeping

If you could change one characteristic about yourself, what would it be?
I would either like to have more intelligence or more confidence

If you could pick one of your own personality traits and apply it to your partner (if you’re single, think of something you’d want in a mate ideally), what would it be?
Either compassion or sexual proclivities

What’s your biggest turn off?
Cruelty

If you’re in a crowded parking garage on the 4th of July after the fireworks have gone off, do you let other cars go in front of you in line to exit the garage or do you honk angrily at anyone who tries to cut you off?
I typically let cars go ahead of me. N

Who would you like to slap in the face with a fish? Why?
MOST defendants who aggressively violate No Contact Orders. Because they deserve it

What body part causes you the most pain?
Wonderful question for a chronic pain person. Typically it is my legs. Sometimes my back. Often my shoulders and neck, lol

Do you return your shopping cart in the grocery store parking lot? Why or why not?
Of course I do! That’s just decent

Does the sound of running water make you need to pee?
Not typically

Do you make small talk on planes? Are you open to it if your neighbor does?
I never engage but I’m open to it

Do fences make good neighbors?
I would say that they certainly do. Only because separations tend to reinforce property concepts. We can be friends and hang out and spend time with each other… but if my dog/property is in my yard, YOU do not get a say… in YOUR yard… different story

What’s the weirdest thing to ever happen to you?
It feels weird to chose. Like… do I mention the surgery on my testicles… the year spent under observation in a hospital… the time my ex-girlfriend tried to break down my door… the time the same Ex tried to kill me.... the time she tried to rape me… those two weeks in Austria… ANY of the insanity I’ve witnessed in court… there’s… a lot to chose from

What’s your favorite smell?
Old Wood… the smell of a well built cello being removed from a closet

What’s the first thing you do every morning?
Check my alarm clock and lament my interrupted sleep

The last thing you do at night?
roll onto my side and try to find a comfortable position

Why do you stick around this website?
Because if I didn’t write, I’d go quite mad.