Well he talked in My Life

First I wrote a really long mean entry because I was mad but deleted it so if you read it sorry just the troll thing again but I got over it I never stay mad long.
This is my longest entry yet and the worest night yet I almost didn’t write this one because I know the trolls will hit hard on this one and you start thinking about the Embarrassment part because of the trolls because I end up defending my self but now I know I can’t beat my stepdad AT LEAST NOT YET NOT TO SAYING I GIVE UP JUST NEED TO LEARN CONTROL someone on here taught me that

So my stepdad decided to talk again. He asks me what I have learned so far this week I could tell he was looking for a certain answer but not sure what the answer was supposed to be.
so I just looked at him. He said he and mom were thinking about moving and homeschooling me because I could get a better education. I told him I liked my school and didn’t want to move. Mom knew nothing about it I could tell but she had to leave for work so I couldn’t ask her and didn’t want to in front of him anyways. He said well you don’t get a say you are the child and besides if we stayed the rules would change and you won’t like the rules. My being so out of control would stop. I ask him how was I out of control he said how are you not you make me have to hold you down because you run from me you throw things at me you made me break your door, put holes in the wall I have to drink to find peace in my own home with you here, you make me angry all the time with your attitude this place would be a pig pen if I didn’t make you clean it. you do things on purpose to embarrass me if you had your way we would live like your dad you say things like it’s my fault you blame me for you having one shoe you know you did that on purpose and said not to replace it because you wouldn’t wear it he started to raise his voice and said, did you not tell me you didn’t want me to replace your shoe I looked at him he got madder and grabbed me and pushed me against the wall and said what did you tell me, I said not to replace my shoe I would cut it up it if you did I don’t want it back .( I wanted to say I was mad when I said it I didn’t want a shoe you had me pinned to the floor. I didn’t mean it.)
He said then you go to school and say I did it I know you told them I did it, remember I have family there they tell me what you say and do. you think you can get me in shit you can’t. ( all I said was ask my stepdad why if anybody ask.)

but he was so mad by then He said you need to fix your lies and tell everyone you cause the broke door the holes in the wall your the weird f@%$er that won’t wear a shoe. you attacked me you cause the problems in this house and keep it in an uproar and it will stop are you will be in homeschool so I can make sure this family isn’t in turmoil all the time it’s all on you. I can back what I say, can you?
I will show you who controls this house, maybe if you tried it my way your life would be better and you won’t become your druggy dad. I don’t know his way
I ask him how do I know if I do what you say it will stop of course that was a mistake, he said see I try to fix this and you call me a lair and you wonder why I have to act like I do you stupid shit ass you create your life and cause it to be so bad and blame me.
I tried to explain that wasn’t what I meant He said ever F$%^ing time I cow down to help you , you F@%$# it up. I try to make peace with you I felt bad I even had a surprise for you but f&*% that you ungrateful brat. He threw me to the floor and walked off.
I went to my room and he walked in threw a new pair of jeans at me and two shirts and said see I tried I even bought you clothes to prove it but you called me a lair and caused more holes in my walls Then he threw a box at me with new boots in it and walked out he came back in and said you told me you did want the right one prove it, I just looked at him he
walked over and stood over me yelling he turned so red and for once he was scaring me He said cut it up I thought he was going to hurt me I mean hurt me his eyes looked weird. I looked at him he walked back to the door and turned around and looked at me he had stopped talking I just looked at him and started doing what he said I was almost done and he starts walking to me saying what to hell are you doing and stopped me and took the scissors yelling have you lost your mind. I don’t know how to help you son and walked out.my stepbrother and two of his friends walked in the house as he said that I think they just happen to walk in because they had a weird look they didn’t have a clue what was going on, he stops just outside my door and looked at me and smiled. he called me in the kitchen about an hour later and said watch and showed me a video of me cutting up my new boot and him coming in and stopping me saying what to hell are you doing stop and took the scissors and said have lost your mind. I don’t know how to help you son. He had put in a security system with cameras after we got robbed I did know it. Then he said you need to know this and gave me some papers I looked at them and then he said so you know I have primary custody and to explain that to your dumb ass your mom can’t take you anyplace unless I say. now, are you ready to fall in line and be the son I want you to be and understand I’m in total control of your life? I knew he had partial custody or thought he did
I stayed up till mom got home and he was asleep I ask her if she knew about the homeschool and move she said no not till he said it tonight. I ask her who bought me the clothes she said I did your dad didn’t know, I ask why we stayed she said she can’t take me and this is how life is everywhere she believes that and he is the best she can do just on and on then she said you don’t help he shows me the things you do if you would just try it would help I got so mad I just said I have to go to bed after she went to bed I got my school laptop out and looked this up trying to figure out my mom and found this and this is my mom like somebody wrote it about here

1. Fear: A person may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship.

2. Believing Abuse is Normal: A person may not know what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, and they may not recognize that their relationship is unhealthy.

3. Embarrassment often the abuser will with hold personal items and or tell private information in public to embarrass the victim

4.Shame: It’s often difficult for someone to admit that they’ve been abused. They may feel they’ve done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. They may also worry that their friends and family will judge them.

1. Low Self-Esteem: When an abusive partner constantly puts someone down and blames them for the abuse, it can be easy for the victim to believe those statements and think that the abuse is their fault.

after reading this a lot of this is me 3,4,5 and at one point 2
I got more to say but it’s 4 am and I have school