Disappear in Current Events

Literally in just one minute my decent mood was torn to filth by my toxic thinking. I made the mistake of checking my body out in the mirror and suddenly I can’t find a reason to live. I’m not suicidal, I think, because that fantasy wasn’t ever about me hurting myself but more about the idea of hurting others. Why are therapy sessions only one hour? It’s like we just open a couple scars to look around and then have to wait a week to close them. I can barely catch my breath right now. I just want to disappear