A Need to Vent in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Oh, Holy Christ!

I know it is only March but life takes planning. It doesn’t just happen. Especially as an Attorney that has things like trials. My life already has things scheduled for OCTOBER of this year. So… it is important to be able to plan things.

For example:
Prosecutor Training June 9th through 13
Anime Iowa July 12th through 15
or how about the FREE FLIGHT/FREE ACCOMMODATIONS TRIP TO HAWAII THAT WE NEED TO TAKE THIS YEAR

I need to know from my Wife if she intends to be a part of any of that.

When I got home from work, Wife was in the basement binge watching Netflix. After two episodes, I started asking her questions based on my calendar.

Wife freaks, cops attitude, and says “Well, gosh, I don’t know. I need to know if I’ll be in classes at that time.”

(suppressed eye roll… {sarcasm} yes, let’s put everything in our lives on hold until you decide if you’re going to do classes this summer or not.)

Apparently, my disappointment was visible (I mean… obviously… for me, this whole world is fucking old. Wal Mart? I just need to figure things out. Lab Tech? I just need to figure things out. Staying at home doing nothing? I just need to figure things out. Or going to classes? I just need to figure things out. Or volunteering at the Animal Shelter? I just need to figure things out. Or getting a part-time job? I just need to figure things out. At some point, you need to start living your life! Sorry.

But my disappointment was visible, which got Wife upset. So I said, fine. Let’s pull up a school calendar to discover WHEN Summer classes are! Y’know… a god damned step forward?! So I pulled up the school calendar (fucking easy to do) and asked which Summer Class Programs appealed to her?? She got really upset that I would do that and challenged me to find her classes that she would be interested in. At that point, I shut my computer. And I specifically stated, “I just think it’s stupid that I’m putting in more fucking work on this than you have.”

With that, she stopped talking. Stopped looking at me. Gathered her things. And left the basement. Good. Great. Throw a tantrum. Again! When life asks you to act like an adult… or a responsible person with agency… throw a tantrum. Always the right choice. UGH.

So I go upstairs after a bit… I let her cool off. I made a drink. Asked her to taste it (new combination; just wanted to know her opinion). She was all fugue state. I asked her if she wanted me to make her a drink. “I don’t know.” I asked her if she had a preference for dinner. “Whatever’s in the fridge.” FINE God. Fucking. Dammit.

I actually had to write some things down in my calendar so I remember to mention it at counseling. Because I mean… genuinely? Fuck.

Get your shit together. Get it together. Put it in a backpack if you have to. Just get it somewhere where it is together. Get your shit together.