In a Broken Dream in Every day scata

Simon Le Bon

4:41 pm

Yeah. I kind of dropped off the radar and out of FMM. I may just post the rest whenever I feel like it. Or something.

I got a bit depressed. Not like “need to be admitted” depressed… I always have “low level” or “chronic” depression. This was a little deeper than that. I was having a hard time focusing, lost complete interest in music. Yes, even Duran Duran if you can believe it. I was basically zoning out in front of the TV, sometimes sleeping, sometimes not. Sometimes sleeping way too fucking much. But that can be a little bit of the fibro and CFS, too. That is one of the really shitty things about having chronic illness. You have to play the guessing game. Is this chest pain caused by costochondritis, anxiety, or am I having a heart attack? smh

I finally made it in to see idjit Dr. Who didn’t do anything for me, as usual. Oh, she did draw blood. I had to go back the next day because my veins are nonexistent and roll to boot. Even idjit Dr had a hard time finding one, and she still had to use a butterfly needle. I don’t know the results yet. Nothing in my email. I’ll give till the end of the week. Everything is normal, I’m sure. My blood work usually is. But it can take years to get an RA diagnosis. And even idjit agrees with me that I either have that or a severe case of inflammatory osteoarthritis.

She wants me to try Voltaren gel for my joints. Now, I know a few of the residents/patients I’ve taken care of liked the stuff, but I would use theirs on occasion (with their blessing) and it didn’t seem to do anything for me. But (all these “but”s) I might give it another go. It’s cheap through the office, and I can put it wherever it hurts. So, meh. We’ll see. Might work well on my tendinitis. ::shrug::

Speaking of tendons, I’m going to go see if I can release some of those fucking trigger points.

Mark Hollis, the lead singer of Talk Talk died yesterday, and my good friend from high school just told me that the drummer of the Cure, Andy Anderson passed away today. This makes me sad. All of the musicians and actors of my youth are dying. ::sigh::

6:41 pm

Pam is trying to figure out what is wrong with the dreadmill. I was right about the fucking mice. There was a nest in the damn thing. Not the reason why it’s not working though. No chewed up wires. She’s trying to find the rest of the manual to the machine. She has every single manual for every single thing in this house, but of course can’t find the one that she needs. I know she’ll figure out what’s wrong with it. She’s good like that. Although she said she watched a youtube of someone replacing the circuit board and it caught on fire lol so… yeah.

I think that might be another reason why I dipped lower than usual with the depression. I was doing great, walking a couple of miles a day on the treadmill, releasing those endorphins. Walking does help with my pain most of the time, too. The swinging of the arms helps my shoulder some, and walking is the only way I can get my SI joint to stop moving around so much. You can’t really pop it back into place. I guess the walking slowly moves it back to where it should be, and tightens up the muscles etc surrounding it.

It’s mud season, and still chilly out, so walking outside isn’t on my list of things to do, and I’m not paying for a membership at the local gym. It’s not expensive, but I know I wouldn’t go. Tried that before and it didn’t work. Feh.

Korn and Alice in Chains is coming to St. Louis. I can’t afford to go, though. The good seats are fucking expensive (of course) and I don’t want to be in the boonies. I don’t want the pit, either lol I’m too old for that shit. lol I mean, sure, I think I could afford semi decent seats… Not sure if Pam would want to go. Not her kind of music at all. At all at all.

Just another I’ll miss out on.

See ya.