Awkward in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Last night, I had a nightmarish bitch of a time trying to sleep. My body hurt and was itchy all over… just not pleasant. During the night, I had a nightmare. Now I can’t remember everything about it.... there was a lot to it… but what I can remember....
There was a heavily overweight but cute redhead that approached me (I recognized her from college, as this portion did happen in a way IRL). She approached me to tell me that she was VERY attracted to me and REALLY wanted to date me. I tried to reject her kindly and she became very upset; riddling me with questions about how I could be a guy that so badly wanted a girlfriend but would reject her due to her weight. This somehow transitioned into me having a conversation with JYo (friend from college) but it felt less like the conversation was about Redhead, and more like the conversation was about Wife. JYo was telling me that I should just move to her hometown and start over. She could introduce me to people, I’d be closer to my best friend…things would be easier all over. This somehow transitioned into me stirring from a concussion on my parents’ back yard. Someone I only recognized as “romantic partner” was storming off in a huff and I asked what the problem was. Wife, looking just as angry and hurt, said that I had said some pretty awful things while I was unconscious. I had said that “the love of my life” was Aoife and that anyone else would always be a rebound. I looked at Wife trying to comfort her or tell her I didn’t/couldn’t mean it; but as I looked at her, I saw Aoife at the park across the street and my eyes just fell on her and stayed there. Wife knocked me out after that. I again awoke on my parents’ yard but now I could see Aoife walking away from me (purple blouse, tight high waisted blue jeans) and my eyes just kind of stayed on her butt as she walked away. I asked what had happened and my mom’s voice told me that Aoife had come over after Wife stormed out. I had told Aoife that she meant everything to me. Aoife responded with “That’s likely true, but only an idiot would take the semi-conscious statement seriously.” And she began walking away, which is when I regained consciousness.

It was at this moment that I actually woke up in the Real World. For some reason, I felt emotionally foul… just angry and sad and confused and lonely. I looked over to where Wife would have been sleeping. She wasn’t there and her pillow was gone. A likely sign that my snoring bothered her to the point where she went to sleep in the guest room. That just made me feel worse. As I drove to work, I contemplated the very likely additional elements that the constantly recurring snow, my achey and itchy body, and other elements are also putting me in a foul, depressed mood.

If I were the type of person to celebrate another’s death, one would imagine that my moods would be elevated with the knowledge that Lyndon LaRouche died last week. They aren’t. I don’t celebrate an enemy’s death. And I would consider then man to be an enemy of most of what I believe/support. LaRouche believed that the Holocaust was a myth, that rogue elements of the U.S. military participated in 9/11, that the British royal family secretly controls the world’s drug trade, that climate change is a plot to destroy America, that people with HIV are part of the “lower sexual classes” and must be quarantined, that there’s a nefarious conspiracy to control the standard of musical pitch, and that rock music was invented by British intelligence to wreak havoc in the U.S. So… yeah. A blight that is acceptable to remove. Except… the LaRouche style of batshit crazy could certainly explain how we got to where we have politically. LaRouche and his followers helped build a world where Trump could thrive. A world where Alex Jones could become a celebrity and the alt-right movement could spring up, all because we accept that a certain level of violent, factually dubious ramblings will always be buzzing away in the background. He was responsible for turning George Soros from just another rich guy into a right-wing bogeyman, a supposed shadowy string-puller now publicly attacked by Trump, neo-Nazis, and your weirdest aunt alike. Alex Jones was a fan, and Roger Stone credited LaRouche’s “extraordinary and prophetic thinking” and “important backstage role” in assisting Trump’s election. LaRouche broke ground for a world where any idea can become credible if you spent enough time screaming it. And that, unfortunately, is a reason to remember him. (Large portions of the preceding were written by Author Mark Hill).

Oh hell! My morning went off well, actually. Hearings, hearings, hearings, hearings, hearings, hearings. I imagine (or certainly hope) that the majority of people in the court room had no idea I was in excruciating pain. But that pain, as horrid as it is, brought me to the realization of The Winter Catch 22.
The brutal cold makes my pain skyrocket. So I soak and take long hot showers to try to alleviate the pain in my body. During Winter, I itch like a fucking drug addict… I am maddeningly itchy for months on end. Of the advice to avoid “Winter Itch” is (1) drink more water; (2) eat more fruit and veg that have water in them; (3) avoid long hot showers or long warm baths. You fucking monsters. Granted… what I desperately need is a long Sauna Treatment and some Massage Therapy. And there might be a way to get that this weekend… maybe.

But then… speaking of the weekend… I made the mistake of checking the weather. 10 Day Forecast for my town? 6 days of snow. We already have about a foot of snow out there. Tuesday/Wednesday forecast is for another 4-6 inches. Then after that… there are 5 MORE DAYS OF SNOW PREDICTED! On one hand? Good.....? This tends to keep crime down. People who are depressed and have no energy tend to stay home and not make their Private Problems into Public Problems. But uh… I’d also be SUPER okay with not having snow storms every week.

It’s not my line but in regards to the following: “There should be prerequisites for running for office. Like intelligence or knowledge or not being a raging douchebag.”

Meanwhile… I just witnessed an utter trash fire that may turn into something brutal....

A friend of mine, a Democrat from Chicago, posted that she is happy to see so many Women and ‘non-traditional’ Candidates announce their bid for President, but mentioned that she is worried that so many opposing individuals will split the focus too much and make it easier for Trump to win re-election. I responded that my concern is that too progressive a platform will be chosen, thus alienating independents and centerists; making it easier for Trump to win. Enter the Trumpist. Apparently, according to this White, Male, Insurance Sales Business Owner… Trump is the savior of mankind. He went straight to the same shit my Racist Cousin says… which was to start the conversation by saying, “IN WHAT WAY has Trump done ANYTHING to actively hurt you or me? In ANY way?!” This talking point segued into a long “lecture” about how Trump is the minorities best friend, and has never done or said anything that would disparage or detract from minorities. Then it transitions (as it always does) into the Economic Miracle and how Trump has been great for poor people, the economy, and creating “more jobs than ever.” Lastly, as it always does, the lecture summarizes how Trump has kept us OUT of wars better than any president in the last fifty years!!

HEAD:DESK MEGA EXPLOSION.

I get that it is basically Sean Hannity talking points 101 but… damn if it isn’t upsetting. I was going to mostly remain out of it. I’d said my peace earlier. But my friend who made the original post felt a need to say something in response. The guy went Classic Red on her with “I’d prefer Trump than any Leftist garbage. All you guys do is share talking points and rhetoric because you hate the man! You have no actual concrete facts!” That? That I had to involve myself in. Because if a TRUMP SUPPORTER wants to talk about facts, solid concrete facts, then they are asking for an education. Trump loves minorities? Okay, then why did he illegally ban black people from living in his buildings? Trump has never said or done anything that would disparage minorities? How about watching Trump actually speak in 2017… he wasn’t shy about that shit. OR, better yet, look to the man Trump has been listening to MOST on immigration… Stephen Miller. That man is the very textbook definition of racist, and that isn’t me saying it… that is everyone who went to High School with him. Oh, and the Economic Miracle? Are you just listening to Trump or are you actually reading Forbes, The Economist, and the Wall Street Journal?? Because Trump’s job creation numbers are “on par” with Obama and “pale” compared to Clinton. Trump has been great for poor people? Yeah, I’m sure all of the impoverished people who are having their health care routinely attacked are super happy that the signature economic bill of Trump’s presidency has benefited (almost exclusively) only those that make $250,000 or more per year. And resulted, as The BBC said, in zero net gain in jobs. So… massive tax breaks to the wealthy that resulted in absolutely zero positives for the poor.... but sure. You’re part of the wealthy, so you ACTIVELY don’t care. That’s what you’re saying. And as to wars? Gosh. Trump is trying to nuke Iran, but acts like a submissive little bitch in the face of China, Russia, and Turkey, and Syria. And before you throw that “He’s been tougher on Russia than…” crap at me… I’d like to remind you again that I’m using policy and action as a metric… not interviews from the President and the President’s words. As to POLICY AND ACTION, The President has actively interfered with the Senate’s attempts to sanction Russia. Fuck… MULTIPLE SOURCES have confirmed that whenever United States Intelligence Community tells Trump “This is what we’re seeing”… if Putin says “No, they are wrong.” TRUMP TRUSTS PUTIN! Sorry, Trump Supporters… for those of us that are forced to live in THE REAL WORLD as opposed to the Fox Sphere.... there is no question about Trump’s Russia issue. The question merely is this:

Is Trump actively working with Russia? Or is he so stupid, insecure, and inept that he’s just accidentally following Putin’s orders and playbook?

Now? Now I have a lot of work to do and prepare for. BUT FIRST? I want to catch up on Prosebox (may not leave many notes, sorry). And don’t judge me. When faced with the following options I selected the one I wanted to:

Prepare for long, drawn out arguments where Criminals victimizing other people refuse to take accountablity
Catch up on what people I care about are doing.

But before I could even BEGIN that? Mother. fucking. awful. world.

My Best Friend in the Whole World was talking to someone on an Anime post recommending Overlord. We both like Overlord, and I was curious to see how he would encourage a stranger into watching the program. BUT IT IS AMERICA IN THE FUCKING 21ST CENTURY SO EVERYTHING HAS TO SUCK AT ALL TIMES

Which to discuss first?
The ultra liberal who was trying to tear the show completely down as an example of the patriarchy worshiping toxic Gamer Males that masturbate to Video Game Sprites
OR
The complete jackass that was trying to get Jamie Marchi (an incredibly important English Anime Talent) fired from all work in the industry because she supported women coming out against sexual harassment and shared a story of her own where she was sexually harassed.

SO… break that down.
Discussion started with: I’m interested but is this thing worth it?
Discussion Follow Up: Totally. I love it. Let me share some of the reasons why.
Became Liberal: Fuck anything with men, sexy women, or violence!
Became MRA: Fuck any woman that comes out against sexual harassment.

I get that there are a lot of arguments as to why Humanity shouldn’t become extinct… but I’m seeing less and less support for those arguments in my day to day life.