Continuing.... in I don't know....

The need to document becomes bigger by the day.

Within the last 24 hours Eric has said his kids were not worth the effort of having a relationship or even trying. The relationship is their responsibility, not his. They don’t want to be around him, so he doesn’t want to be around them. I told him, very calmly, that change has to start with him. He has heard it from counselors and pastors. They are children/teens. Respect is earned and he has to want to.

He falls back on his same manipulative ways. Pouting, silent treatment, poor pitiful me, you just don’t understand, and tonight one of his best yet.

My parents are here. They came to watch Bailey’s drill meet and Jacob’s play, but the meet was canceled due to weather. Because of the extreme cold this morning, we opted to not go to church, but Bailey wanted to go to youth tonight. I drive the kids everywhere they need to be all week so I told her to get her dad to take her to church. He. Got. MAD. He did not want to take her and threw a hissy fit about it. I had to tell him multiple times to just shut up. She said she wouldn’t go. He took her, but the entire way to church he yelled at her. And not just about her, no. He yelled at her about ME. See, the attention is not focused on Eric. So he is angry. The girls also got new phones. THAT ticks him off even more. So he is angry. AND not only is he addicted to porn, he is addicted to anger. He likes it. It makes him feel good. We all see it and know it. Once we all began to watch about narcissism and we understand his addiction issues, we aren’t buying into his crap and he is angry. This week is not about him and he can’t stand it.

One thing about narcissism is baffling. I said to Eric, “If you are so miserable and we are not worth your effort, why are you still here? Why keep on?” I wanted to add, “You’ve already been trying to hook up with someone else. You obviously don’t want to be married.” HIS response? “You are the one who doesn’t want to be married. It’s your fault.” Smack my head! How?! How is it my fault? Years of counseling, begging, degrading myself, doing whatever I could to get his attention, fighting like mad, going back, and 3 babies later and it’s still my fault. I remember now, he’s blameless, he didn’t do anything, and he never says a word.

As much as I love my mom and dad, I wish they weren’t here. They are both upset. I am just trying to get some things done so I can take steps to get out of this, but this takes time. I’m not sure how much time I’ve really got, though.