Holding Space for Mysteries in Everyday Ramblings

The forecast fluctuates like crazy but for now we are looking good for no snow or ice for the next week. It is a huge relief.

Yesterday for the first time since I started teaching yoga back at the office last year I had no students. That is a pretty good run. My regulars were all very sweet and told me they would not be available so it wasn’t a surprise. It was a relief. Every now and then a person needs a break.

The church is closed on Monday so I am not teaching then either. So I end up having this unexpected week break in teaching. This is good for me. Earlier I did some early morning get out the kinks warm up yoga and it was such a luxury to think about my body specifically and what it can do and wants to do and not to be thinking about my students.

Last Wednesday I had a complicated class that was all over the map in terms of appropriate levels, with returning students and one new one who I know is fit and experienced because I met her hiking on Mt. Hood.

These classes are the most challenging to teach because one wants everyone to benefit in some small way. I think sometimes not knowing people’s physical histories makes it easier.

I was over-stimulated afterwards and ended up staying up later than was good for me reading and trying to ground myself.

The tiredness has carried over. I had a bit of a rapprochement with my office mate formerly knows Saint Joe. At least enough to exchange carefully guarded pleasantries and a small amount of pertinent information. The thing that boggles my mind is how absolutely clueless he is about his white male privilege. It is astonishing.

I guess it truly is hard for a fish to describe water.

He said he didn’t understand why I was so angry and intimated that he wished I would just settle down and focus on work. Let’s all stay really really busy and distracted and maybe we won’t have to deal with anything uncomfortable.

But he also said that he had been told about 6 different things in the last four months about his future prospects.

I can’t quit this job unless I have another one with full benefits lined up. I will be eligible for Medicare in 3 months. So I need to last at least until then. I am not eligible for both Medicare and my full pension and social security for 16 1/2 months. But really this staying is about healthcare. As a single woman my earning power has been not as robust as say a white man my age and so my retirement income is going to be limited as is.

My doctor and I had a frank talk about what my needs are now and the test results and the bottom line is I am good now, yes I need to keep taking care of myself and be aware of any symptoms but other than preventative screenings I am clear for the duration.

This is such good news.

So now this is about envisioning and implementing my escape route from this awful job.

I did have this moment this week where I was totally engrossed in this special project, creating a reporting tool, and I was all, hey I like this! I can do this, it is fun and there was a feeling of accomplishment when I figured part of it out.

My returning student, who used to be my IT guy, was telling another student this week that he had not met before about how he used to work with me and what a joy I was to work with because I was very clear and articulate about what was needed and that made his job easier.

Besides making me feel all warm and fuzzy I was thinking, hmmm, maybe I can literally capitalize on that.

I am typing this out in the living room on my laptop sitting in my big “poofy” armchair. This is unusual as I am most often in my workroom/bedroom typing on the workstation or on the bed. During the duration out here the cats have been trying to figure out how they can both be in the chair with me.

I am not sure why this is necessary but apparently it is.

Life is full of mysteries and I think I will let this be one of them.

Last updated February 16, 2019