WED in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Grump. Ever feel like you spent your “awake” at the wrong moment. I woke up… got out of bed… took a shower… FELT AWAKE… got in the car and about half-way to work I was tired again. Now I’m at my desk feeling my left leg whisper “Oh yeah. Look forward to pain.” as my eyes fight to stay open.

Today could be a mild day. All I have on the schedule is Magistrate Court and that has 8 cases, three of which have sought continuances. Of those remaining… despite being 5 different people, there are only two crimes being discussed today. Driving Under Suspension (DUS) and Possession of Alcohol Under Legal Age (PAULA). SHOULD be simple.

I arrived at my desk… cracked my neck in several places… cracked my back in several places… bring up State Filing Website, Prosebox, Facebook, BBC, CNN, Cracked, and all of my E-Mail servers. Nothing. All quiet on all fronts. I check the Des Moines Register about our Publicized Case. One article: Here.

After reviewing the news article, which I feel relatively accurate depicts the Defense Case of “If a child is acting out, parents are justified to take whatever measures they want to!” (Horse shit!) I begin reading the Prosebox Bookmarks that have remained unread. As I finished reading and returned to the front page, an entry title struck me about sex and the lack thereof. After reading the entry and silently wishing the author luck in my head, if not by note, I realized that I had done something I rarely do when reading Prosebox. I almost never attempt a visual in my head while reading. The words tell stories, express emotions, but the individual saying them has no form to me… has no distinct face or body… they are a collection of experiences, glued together by emotion, and bundled into a frame of existence. The abstract concept of Human = Experience is where I typically start with PB. Now, many people on here either through PB or Facebook or Instagram have introduced their face/photo to me. I appreciate it and enjoy knowing what my friends look like. But even then, honestly, when I am reading entries… I don’t keep that image in my head. I’m not thinking This Image when I’m reading… I still see the writing as “The shared words of a life experience as added to the previous shared stories and emotions expressed.” But this time? As I was reading this random person’s entry about their sex life… I looked to their avatar… a blurry photo of a potentially thin looking blonde woman… and an image quickly formed in my head. And that image stayed in my head as I read. Nothing particularly surprising, I suppose… but that doesn’t happen often.

A phone call comes in. Defense Counsel. “We discussed cases yesterday, and I think your notes are wrong.” ME: It is certainly possible, when everyone has similar charges, it isn’t unheard of to get something mixed. (Checks things, I was wrong). Thanks for catching that! Here’s the new plea in response.

As I’m on the phone and writing out responses to plea deals, my eyes fall on Facebook. New posts, new celebrations, new humor. Than racist cousin shares “Being poor is part of life. Staying poor is a personal choice.” And I roll my eyes so hard that I feel certain they made a loud noise. I bite my tongue and only think in my head “Gee, it is funny that a white guy who thinks Child Support and Alimony are Gender Discrimination Against Men is claiming that people can just chose not to be poor whenever they want!” I am happy to see a Chris Farley video immediately afterwards to bring a smile to my face and prevent me from remaining upset at stupidity. It doesn’t last long though, as I convince myself to read the transcript and fact check of the State of the Union address.

Nevertheless, as I begin my review of Orange Individual 1’s speech, I hear the delighted sounds of a happy child coming from our conference room. I take a moment to smile. I know from whom those sounds come. A boy, abused and abandoned, tortured and hated… a boy I am fortunate enough to get at least some credit for placing in a protective, loving, helpful, foster home. Today will be difficult for him. Being required to recount the abuse he suffered… if he even can bring himself to state it out loud when confronted by his abuser. But for now? For now he is playing, he is laughing, he is discussing his new life. I take a moment to offer a silent prayer of protection, strength, and justice. This child has been through hell. His mother abandoned him, his father was essentially forced to take custody but his father was in jail… so Dad’s new girlfriend gets “saddled” with the boy. A total failure of the State as this girlfriend had previously had her children permanently removed as the woman lacks a single compassionate or maternal bone in her body. A truth revealed again by the cruelties suffered by this little boy. God be with him; now and forever.

I shall summarize some of the Fact Check on SOTU last night.

1) In reference to the strength of America’s economy and rapid growth, Mr. Trump was not being truthful. As I stated during his candidacy, there is not an embellishment, exaggeration, hyperbolic falsehood, or grandiose stretching of facts that Mr. Trump will not use. He claimed that the American economy is growing “twice as fast” under his leadership and that it is “the hottest economy anywhere in the world.” In fact, the American economy expanded at an annual rate of 3.5 percent in the third quarter of 2018. Growth in Latvia and Poland was almost twice as fast. Same for China and India. Even the troubled Greek economy posted stronger growth. And a wide range of economic analysts estimate that the growth of the American economy slowed in the fourth quarter, and slowed even further in the first month of 2019.

2) In support of his Tariffs, Mr. Trump stated that the treasury has seen “billions of dollars.” This should be registered as a mis-characterization. Again, Mr. Trump attempts to portray the tariffs as being “a punishment against China and rewarding America.” That is simply not how tariffs work. It is true that the Commerce Department reported 13 billion in the third quarter of 2018 compared with a year earlier. But, as Mr. Trump should be aware, that is not a tax China is paying to us. That is money paid by Americans who bring the goods across the border… costs that are almost always passed on to American consumers in the form of higher prices.

3) The President, again missing what it means to govern, boasted that his administration has cut more regulation in his term than any other President has in their entire tenure. Obviously a patently untrue statement. First of all, cutting regulations “more and faster” than anyone else? That isn’t a good brag. Especially in the age of Climate Change Annihilation, Corporate Over-Greed Destruction, and vast Income Inequality… bragging that you aren’t letting the government regulate things is a dumbass thing to brag about. But even more… your statement isn’t true anyway. Trump has cut away a lot of regulations that were put in place to protect the environment and he has cut away a lot of regulations that would hold companies accountable for shady and/or harmful practices; but experts say the scale of the rollbacks in the Trump era still does not exceed extensive cuts in federal rules during the Carter and Reagan administrations, when rules governing airline, truck and rail transportation were wiped off the books, among other changes.

4) It should go without saying these days, but we don’t live in a world that embraces the obvious. Whenever Trump is using numbers, he’s lying. In every way, he’s the annoying unliked Frat Boy who, if he says “I nailed 9 chicks last year!” you can bet that, at most, the real number is 3… if he says “I had 28 beers last night, bros!” the real number was 20. In a normal conversation, this numeric hyperbole can be irritating. When addressing the nation as President, this numeric hyperbole is a lie intended to convince people that you are better than you are. Trump stated, “We have created 5.3 million new jobs and importantly added 600,000 new manufacturing jobs.” This is not true. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that since January 2017, when Mr. Trump took office, the economy has added 4.9 million jobs, including 454,000 jobs manufacturing jobs. Now… before you rush to claim “See, he added jobs! Stop bitching that he gets the numbers wrong!” There is something you should know. Trump isn’t a “labor genius” because of these numbers. Hell, he’s just doing what Obama did (Trump’s real numbers are closely comparable to the pace of job creation during some two-year periods during the Obama administration). And both of them suck ass when compared to the pace of job creation in manufacturing in the 1990s.

5) Here’s a tricky one!! Mr. Trump said that “Wages for blue collar workers are growing faster than anyone thought possible!” This has the complicated distinction of being TRUE, FALSE, and a Mis-Characterization all at the same time! According to the labor department, wages are rising faster for construction and manufacturing workers than anticipated. That is the TRUE part. The problem is how do you define Blue Collar. Because the problem is.... the Service Industry (fast food, restaurants, custodians, other various low income work outside of Construction/Manufacturing) have seen their wages stagnate, slow, recede. So if we’re strictly talking “Blue Collar as used in the 1960s” true but if we’re talking “Blue Collar” as the people who do the hard but low paying work… then this statement is FALSE. But here’s a big one: Minimum Wage Hikes which directly impact and influence wage statements.... under Trump all of those hikes have been made by the State Entities, not the Federal Government. So Trump has nothing to do with the majority of wage issues anyway (positive or negative). Thus mis-characterization.

6) Here’s always a great one. Mr. Trump said, “More people are working now than at any time in our history.” This is one of those bullshit sales tactics that even my family has used in the past. More people are working now… not because of Trump… because of population. This is one of those “statistics” that Mr. Trump proves he doesn’t fully understand. He sees “In 1975, America had 750,000 Adults in the Labor Force. In 2018, America has 2.1 million Adults in the Labor Force.” Mr. Trump’s response is “I’m so amazing! I was able to get 1.3 million more people to work!” That’s… not how that works, sir. Unless you would also use the same corollary argument for other things. Like Infant Deaths. (Numbers not researched)… if there are 200,000 U.S. babies in 1975 and only 1% of them die (2,000 dead babies)… and there are 2,000,000 US babies in 2018 and only 1% of them die (20,000 dead babies)… are you going to take credit for “creating more dead babies?” No.

7) Trump stated that El Paso, TX had one of the highest rates of crime in the United States until they built a border wall and the border wall is what saved them! This is stupid, false, and easily proven to be false. El Paso was never one of the most dangerous cities in the United States, and crime has been declining in cities across the country — not just El Paso — for reasons that have nothing to do with border fencing. In 2008, before border barriers had been completed in El Paso, the city had the second-lowest violent crime rate among more than 20 similarly sized cities. In 2010, after the fencing went up, it held that place.

8) Trump claimed that San Diego used to have THE MOST illegal border crossings until they put up a wall. The wall saved the city! No. Dumb. Stupid. Now… between 1994 and 2018, San Diego did see a very noticeable drop in Illegal Border Crossings… as did many other locations (remember, we’re RIGHT NOW seeing less border crossings than most previous years). But it has NOTHING to do with Border Fencing. According to the Congressional Research Service, that fence alone “did not have a discernible impact” on the number of immigrants crossing the border into the United States illegally at San Diego.

Most of the rest, honestly, is just exaggeration or misleading statements or Fantasy (the President said that if he was not elected, we would be at war with North Korea. Considering we haven’t been at war with North Korea since 1953… that’s a very hard thing to prove/disprove/or take seriously.

After reviewing SOTU, I read through the Cracked entries for the day. Updated my Disability Rights America knowledge. Deleted all of my “LinkedIn, Twitter, Political Action” spam e-mails. But as I did not eat breakfast today, my stomach is already growling. And I feel conflicted. I could go to Pizza Ranch. Which would upset Wife due to the massive amounts of calories. But I haven’t been many weeks/months. So I was planning to do that. HOWEVER, I just got a weird flavor craving and may go to Subway instead.

Assistant comes in with a good question and I’m pleased to note that he and I are already thinking the same thing. It’s good to have people, to have support, and to have good support.
This experience is so different to every professional experience I had after law school. Something I continue to experience and apreciate. So now, I consider (and will) go to the Court Area to see how much of Magistrate Court actually happens. We’ll see what happens after Magistrate Court to see where I end up!

Magistrate court was quick and made me feel like I do an important service. But the stuff around Magistrate Court? Fucking heart breaking.

I get up to the courts, District Court closed off due to A Felony Trial. Child Victim, his advocate, and his DHS worker all sitting in a chair in front of the door. He’s sobbing. They’re trying to help. I turn left to go into Magistrate Court. We do what we need to in there, I come out and the space is empty… the Child Victim returned to the stand. I check in on the Clerk of Court and by the time I’m out of there, Child Victim is back in the chair, crying and trying to hold himself together. They get him calmed, take him back into the court room. I finish up in Magistrate Court and come back out to the seating area to finish some notes. Child Victim comes out again looking absolutely destroyed. :(
It is the hard part of the trial. The Cross Examination. The part where Defense Attorneys are looking at this abused 3rd grader and saying “Didn’t you tell DHS that you were safe? And now you have this story?! Which time were you lying?!” I want to be violent. Because the logic is SO obvious!! How about we frame the question this way for more honest communication: “When your abuser demanded to be in the room while you spoke with DHS, were you afraid of what would happen to you if you told DHS about your abuse? So then finally, when you were away from your abusers at school, you were able to discuss your abuse? And then, after you were removed from your abusers, you told DHS about everything that happened?” THAT is what happened. Instead… Abuser took video of the abuse, we showed video of the abuse, child stated that there was abuse… now Defense is going after the poor kid like a rabid dog. This is the part of the job I despise and why I could NEVER be a Defense Attorney that takes Serious Victim Cases like this. I’ll stay on this side of the law. I may not win. I may not get rich. I may not even get respect. But I don’t to spend my time professionally beating up an abused child to earn my paycheck.

I came back to my office, sent some e-mails, felt attractive with my short hair and took a photo, posted to Prosebox, read more bookmarks, then started reading Old Entries. The ones from the Chinese Days and the Tiny Town Days and the Law Library Days and the Bar Study Days. It is nice to see how far I’ve come in the last 5 years.

Then Child Victim, DHS, and the rest of the Trial Crew come back to the office for the lunch break. The child’s wracking sobs and sorrowful howls cut through the hallways. Were this simply someone’s child throwing a tantrum, I’d be annoyed. But knowing the context? The deep, searing, painful context? I find myself shaking. I hear his cries and affix my eyes on my screen, telling myself to maintain. Don’t react, don’t feel, just focus on the work. After all, my work helped get him to a family that loves him… I can’t help him in this criminal trial… he has people trying to calm him and help him through things… just ignore it. But it is certainly difficult. To know what he’s been through… to know what he’s going through… and to not have a reaction to his pain? It’s tough.

I decide not to leave my office for lunch until the Trial Menagerie has left. Not out of fear, necessarily, but because I want that group to face no interruptions or interference or anything while they deal with Child Victim. So I catch up on more Prosebox, feel the hunger in my belly grow, and continue to check my Court E-Mail as more things are being filed. But looking through past entries and experiencing this job with/through a different sort of perspective… reminds me of what was discussed with Wife last night.

This time last year, I had written my resignation and was desperate to leave the Chinese Law Firm. This time the year before that, I had already interviewed with the Chinese Law Firm in an attempt to leave Tiny Town. This time the year before that, I was fed to hell up with Law Library employee abuse and bullshit. This time the year before that, I was absolutely losing my shit as Bar Exam Take 2 was breathing down my neck! This time the year before that, I was pushing hard to finish law school and study for Bar Exam Take 1. But THIS year? I have a house… I have a job I enjoy working with people I like and do a good job… I’m in a community where there are things to do and (even if not) we’re between 60 and 90 minutes away from friends and family and big cities. Job: Better than any written about in here. Location: Better than Tiny Town and Omaha. AND though she doesn’t acknowledge it… this is the first February that Wife has not had to work at Wal Mart since before we ever met! But I suppose I understand why, when I said, “Isn’t our situation now better than where we’ve been before?” She found that she couldn’t agree. It is obvious.... the situation now IS better than where we’ve been before… but Wife has a very difficult time looking past her Present Tense Self. So, since she feels like she’s just kind of “floating” without “purpose” and doesn’t “know what to do”, she’s incapable of appreciating how much better things are for us (as a general statement and in many specific articulable ways).

FOOD TIME

Food eaten, I return to my desk with no new e-mails or phone calls. I clandestinely lower my computer speakers and open youtube to let some music play softly in my office. I select a playlist purporting to be the Soundtrack from the Jet Li film “Kiss of the Dragon” and open up my Attack on Titan Wiki to read summaries of the Manga stories.

Suddenly an e-mail comes in. Sex Assault, multiple charges. I’m required to review, edit, and perfect the charging documents before sending them on to State Entities for final consideration. We have a minor problem in it that I’m not sure how to fix. I’ve requested additional guidance.

It has not come yet, but the State is busy. I return to reading Shingeki No Kyojin summaries, fascinated by the Anime Series my wife has become so enamored of… worried for her sake that, like too many Anime, the Manga will not see a complete re-telling in Anime form. It is a shame that this happens… that an otherwise fascinating and involved story can be purchased, turned into an Anime, and then the Anime never finishes the Manga storyline. I expect Attack on Titan is popular enough to avoid this fate… but the popularity it experiences today may not hold fast. And as the story becomes more complicated with a larger world, there is fear that Wife may simply never get to finish the story.

I now have 105 minutes left in work. I hope that the Child isn’t still testifying. An entire day of testimony is exhausting and difficult for even the most capable adult… a traumatized child going through the same would be… barbaric.

No idea what my evening will hold. I’m trying a NO ALCOHOL February… so that means I might play board games tonight, try to finish that annoying Trophy in Fallout 4, watch Jeopardy on TIVO or… who knows?