Missing cat, bitter cold. in Since OD is shutting down....

So my kitty has been missing for 8 days now. I have posted online, I’ve offered a reward, I’ve put up reward posters all over my neighborhood and have checked the pound website several times a day. I was outside smoking last Sunday petting him not knowing it would be the last time I would see my baby. I’ve cried buckets of tears every single day and I’ve become a shell of a person. I never thought I would go through something like this. I’m absolutely heartbroken. The weather was very warm when he went out and as the day wore on, it got super cold and windy. We were gone all day and he usually would be waiting to come in or would hear me outside and come running. He didn’t. I think either he didn’t make it because we had one helluva cold snap or someone let him in so he didn’t freeze and decided to keep him.

I just don’t know what to think. I know he probably wouldn’t have made it because it was well below zero. I know if I ever see him again, it would be an absolute miracle. I just can’t believe this shit. I guess the worst part is wondering what happened to him. I’ve driven all over town several times, I’ve talked to my neighbors and no one has seen him. My cats have always stayed close to home and if I open the kitchen window they come inside. I’ve noticed that the other ones don’t care to go out as much now and I don’t know if it’s because 1 missing or they just aren’t interested but I’m very glad because I don’t want to worry about them ending up missing too.

We had a couple of warm days which was Thursday and Friday and I was very hopeful my cat would return and he didn’t. I’m just so fucking heartbroken that I can’t stand it. I had that cat for about 2 and a half years and just always expected to have him. This is just a nightmare that I’d like to wake up from already. I want my kitty back so my life will make sense again. Ugh, I am just so upset about this that it’s hard to talk about.

We are now in the middle of another cold snap and it’s expected to last for another week or more. I seriously am sick of it and want to move to a warmer climate. Since I’ve been pregnant, I can’t handle the extreme temperatures like I used to. I’m gonna be jumping for joy when it gets warm and stays that way. It’s dark by 5:30 and with the cold, snow, and wind it just gets depressing.

I filed my taxes so now it’s just a waiting game. I’m extremely worried about the government shutting down again because I do get help with my rent so without it, I am gonna have to try and buy a house or do contract for deed. I’m still looking for a new place but haven’t been searching super hard because of the cold, always having a toddler in tow, and now having a missing cat.

I haven’t heard from my Mom since last month and don’t care to. I honestly hope my family just forgets about me and my child. I can’t handle people wanting to be mean with every encounter they have with me and wanting to provoke negative reactions. I’ve dealt with enough of that with her Dad and I’m not gonna deal with it from anyone else. I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have enough to worry about being a single working Mom with zero support but it’s like they just want to add insult to fucking injury!! My Mom is just as much of a piece of shit as my Dad and I’m glad that I don’t have my blinders on anymore.

Work has been going okay. I’m super glad that I’m only there part time because those people irritate me along with the customers. One of my biggest headaches ended up quitting last week and I can’t say that I’m not happy about it. He wasn’t a manager but felt as if he was and I’m just so happy to not deal with his shit anymore. I guess he was super rude and demeaning to the owner so the GM was told to cut his hours to get rid of him so he walked. I never thought I would get rid of this person and now I have. He definitely made things difficult for me several times simply because he loved his ‘power’ and wanted to make it known.

Anyways, so everyone around me is buying new cars and it makes me consider doing the same. I don’t simply because I don’t want car payments. I may check out a couple places and see what kind of deal I could possibly get but I’m not trying to have a car payment for more than a couple of years. I’m not looking to sign my life away. But when I get my taxes, I’m looking to buy a bed because I sleep on a mattress on the floor because I don’t have a way to haul a frame and I don’t have the know how to put one together and I don’t have any help doing these things. My daughter has a brand new crib that I’d like to change into a bed but again, I don’t know how and the Youtube videos don’t help.

I’m looking to also replace my couch and chair because it’s just time. Both are destroyed from the cats scratching them and both are just super old. I also have to make an eye appointment as well. I’m only spending what I need to and then saving the rest. I’m not going to make the mistake of telling anyone when I get my taxes because then everyone acts like I fucking owe them and I’m not going through that shit again. I seriously have NO FUCKING HELP here so I don’t understand where everyone thinks I need to be doing for them.

I’ve honestly been thinking about BD lately. It’s been almost 3.5 months since I’ve talked to him. I really wish we could get along for the sake of my daughter and he actually wanted to be a Dad. It’s still just crazy to me how someone could be so crazy and mean. Ugh. I just don’t know man. I stay hopeful that maybe someday things will change for the better because I’d like to see my daughter have a relationship with him.

I’ve really enjoyed my day off. We went and got lunch and ended up taking a 3 hour nap. It felt so good. We had goulash for dinner and now baby is watching cartoons. She’s already had her bath and has been running around getting into different drawers and what not. She is just the cutest and I wish I had family that wanted to spend time with her.