log of days in Second 1st

SO this entry is going to look like a log. It’s going to take me all day to do because I haven’t been up for more than 30 mins at one point in time ..... right anyways,

The 30th I had the Gent profusion.

The 31st I was fine. Great even.

The First I couldn’t hear out of my right ear at all but otherwise felt fine.

Not knowing what was about to happen really we planned to do a bit of grocery shopping after Rocky got out of work the second. i had been told that I would “pull to the right” Starting Sunday or Monday so I thought I had one more day. I wanted to be sure there was enough to eat for a week not knowing when it would be okay to drive again.

The second I woke and managed the last entry. The world looks like when you are wasted drunk. Everything is not moving correctly. I feel like I could fall with nearly every step. So The second was a day of necessity ONLY. Problem is I thought a shower had been on that list. I waited till I was home alone and got one. It was very scary as I could feel my legs quiver. My head went spinning when I tried to wash my hair. I made it though, didn’t shave but who can blame me. I spent most of the rest of the day sleeping off and on. Playing games on my cell and watching Critical Role (sometimes with my eyes closed as it is a verbal world of make believe). I had a message about buying something and an agreement to meet at 5:30, which at 5, got changed to 6.

Rocky had come home and then had gone to help the neighbor with something after asking what I needed him to get at the store and if there was anything around the house I needed him to do. Neither of which got done. In fact I went to sleep at 6 expecting him in at 8-9 but it was 10 and he still wasn’t home. I sent a quick text “Concerned” and fell back asleep.... he never answered and I woke again at 11:20. Not even a response to my text.
----------------------lay down break-----------------
an hour later

I was very angry and scared really. If something had happened to him I couldn’t run off to go rescue him or meet at the hospital he was at. I’d have to wake the world to find him not only that but would I be safe doing it? No way I could drive. I managed to get up and to the back door where I looked to see the neighbor was not home. I started sending some pretty angry texts and when I was done got a call from the neighbors phone.

This is where me sending signals comes in .... seriously it happens… pay attention. I was finished texting/calling at 11:35. He called at 11:40 from the neighbors phone. Telling me his phone had died and he just felt the need to check in. I was livid. He said he as on his way home I said “NOW, not in like 20 mins” he was home in about 10 after that. I had no idea where he was. I told him I didn’t have the energy to be mad at him and I just needed him to go to sleep so he can go to work in the morning.

The 3rd: Much the same. Only getting up when I needed to .... same drunk man walking feeling. Waiting till Sammy left for school to attempt to make something to eat. Mostly out of embarrassment for my fumbling. Noting that Rocky did not go to the store and get the things I asked, nor did he cut the green peppers I had asked him to do so i could have a health snack.

He called about 2:15 saying he was on his way to pick up the things I had asked for and then he had called again for specifics on something. When he got home we talked about it. i still did not have the energy.... and still don’t to be mad at him. I was just so scared and worried and in my current state..... he should have never left. He explained that it was a paid job, I still don’t know what he got for it and that while he was there some stupid drama involving the cops happened. Nothing to do with him.

This morning: I’m still drunk like.... all of the bad parts none of the good ones. I have the loose feet, the wobbly walk, the OMG I’m about to hurl but none of the I don’t care. it’s not a fun place to be. I had posted on the support group about the shot and what I can expect. Replies back say 7-10 days of this before it starts getting better. One report was 23 days in and still off kilter. I should have never done this. At least the dizziness would stop after a few hours. This is never ending.

I’m spending way too much time in bed..... it’s lazy and gross.

This morning my brain cataloged the things in the fridge that were going to go bad if no one eats them..... and no one will it I don’t fix them.... so at 3 am while Rocky was about to get up I made spaghetti, emptied the dishwasher of clean dishes and filled it with dirty. 30 mins is my record so far.

30 mins of pushing. I have to right.... laying around isn’t going to make this any better.