Will be fired, heat pump broke, depressed questioning why in Misadventures of West Virginia Woman

My boss told me if i dont put up 4 totes an hour he will fire me. I was ringing customers running store by myself i couldnt live up to his expectations even though i tried. I ran customers through line crying telling them goodbye. I will be fired with my husband currently unemployed. My boss sees this as business but this is my life he is messing with my life. My next shift will be my last!

I cried because our heat pump went out. Dad would know how to fix it if he didnt die December 9th. It is so cold in here! Rent is coming no money to pay it. I didnt keep a continuous paycheck because i was on comp for 3 weeks waiting on my ankle to heal where i fell at work now my boss looking for any excuse to fire me. He swears i plan to sue the store. Funny instead coming to me he believed complete strangers. Never once did i threaten a lawsuit.

Talan went to a job interview at ARH as a cook. It is $9.50 an hour. It is better than nothing. The hiring manager interested but didnt officially hire him yet. I hope they call him soon. One of us needs to work.

Today my boss plans to fire me before my shift i am going put out applications. I am so damn depressed all i do is cry and wish me dead. I keep reminding myself all my current issues are temporary death is permanent.

I wonder what dad would say if he was still alive. I miss him so much. I often visit the graveyard and cry. December 9th the worst day for my family life. I miss my dad! I glad i fixed our relationship before he died at least i got to spend a little time with him before his final rest. If i could give it all away in exchange spending 1 more day with him i would. There is so much left unsaid. I am sorry dad for being a failure.

I wish the heat pump was working. I am so cold. We spend most the money we had left for small plug in heaters. I think i am going to cry out this depression in a hot shower maybe heat will give me the comfort to sleep.

I dont know why i keep fucking trying but here i am feeling like i have quick sand up to my neck yet i am struggling just to breathe just to survive.. I often wonder why i live. My only answer is i have so much to do, so much to prove and so much love to give till i die of old age. Suicide is the short cut to grave. To many people fight to survive. Life has me down but i am a fighter. I wont give up yet.

Excuse me while i cry it out in the shower till i am to exhausted to stay awake. I plan to sleep late put in job applications and take my firing like a woman. I wonder if i worked long enough to get unemployment. I guess i will find out. Man life sucks!