Unendurable Suffering Leads to Less Writing in General Mental Anesthesia

I’ve been trying to post updates on here, but I just can’t.

I felt bad for a few days after my 1st chemo infusion, but after my 2nd one this week… HOLY HELL… I do not feel well. 🤢😵☠️

Like drama? I don’t, but allow me to provide you with some.

I’m pissed, sad, depressed and immensely stressed! I’ve been having some issues with my Primary Care Dr.

1. I haven’t slept more than 2 hours in a night since August 2018. Almost 6 MONTHS!!! I’ve tried every over the counter, I’ve tried Melatonin. Here’s the thing with Melatonin. It only works if your body is lacking in it, apparently, mine is not. I’ve complained every single time I’ve seen my Dr., but she does absolutely nothing about my inability to sleep. I don’t like taking meds, but she won’t write any prescriptions and I need something! I haven’t been this exhausted since I was homeless. There are many reasons I’n not sleeping… Insomina, adrenal fatigue, depression, pain, I don’t have a comfortable space to go to sleep in, going to the bathroom constantly because of the ulcertaive colitis etc…

2. She doesn’t take her time with me, I always feel rushed when I come to see her.

3. She’s seems intimidated by me. Meaning, I understand that I have a lot going on. Severe ulcerative colitis, blood clots in my lungs, a broken back and tons of other damage in and around my neck and spine. Plus a lot more. She appears lost and doesn’t know how to help me. Ok, yes… I’m a complicated case, it happens when you go 22 years without any health insurance and live paycheck to paycheck, but at least make an effort!

4. I saw her on Monday and needed referrals to a hematologist and an orthopedic surgeon. I got my appointment for the hematologist yesterday, but not the other, it’s been 4 days!

5. All she ever does is refer me to my GI or another Dr. and they in turn refer me back her. She can’t handle her own job. And I can’t get in to see my GI until March, what am I supposed to do just wait and suffer?

6. Despite my inability to breathe properly and having pains in my chest/upper back (lung area) she says that a test done many months ago shows no blood clots and claims that the xeralto worked. This is an idiotic statement. For starters, I wasn’t told this by anyone else or during my last hospitalization, I don’t feel any different (like I did before the blood clots) and… that’s not what xeralto does! Xarelto doesn’t get rid of blood clots (look it up). What it does is it prevents the ones you have from getting worse and stops new ones from forming, that’s it!

7. I just recently found out that my mom has to take a trip out of town and she’ll be gone for 3 weeks in Feb. As my unofficial caretaker (helps clean, cook, laundry etc… I can’t lift the trash to take it out). There’s a lot I need help with. Most days I can’t even get dressed and yesterday I needed help just getting in the shower because I couldn’t lift my leg high enough to get into the tub, not to mention I’m still going to the bathroom 15 - 20x/day! So I called Medicaid about home care and they referred me to Liberty Health Care. They were very helpful and said that all I had to do was contact my Primary Care and have them fill out a form, then fax it to them at which point Liberty will send someone out to assess my situation. My primary care refused. REFUSED!!!

She sees me struggling to walk, sit, stand, I’m moaning in pain & seeing specialists and surgeons and she refuses??? WTF???!!!

I’m already trying to switch my primary care Dr. I’ll never see her again. Now tomorrow I have to start calling other Dr’s to try and get this form filled out. I’m hoping they don’t say… “You need to go to your primary care dr”.

Am I wrong or shouldn’t a primary care Dr. go out of their way to say things like: “You should reach out to your insurance to see if you can get medically deemed equipment like bed wedges, a lift chair etc… to help you out, I see how much pain you’re in and I’m here to help you. Whatever forms I need to sign, just let me know and let’s get you feeling better; let’s try to improve your quality of life”. Instead, I do this research and when I find that help exists for people in my situation and it’s available to me and I bring it up to my primary care and she refuses to sign the necessary paperwork… that’s the final straw!!! How uncaring and inhumane can you be? Why the fuck are you a Dr? She should not be allowed to practice in my opinion!

Please keep sharing the link below. I haven’t given up, I hope you guys haven’t either. I’m going through a lot and have been for a very long time. I truly feel that the only way I’ll get well is to see the Dr. mentioned in the link (whom I’ve talked about on here as well). I don’t know if this chemo is the answer, the odds aren’t in my favor and after this week… I just don’t know. For those new to my pb, here’s where you can find more info on my current and ongoing situation. I’ve been adding updates all along.

My Health Situation

Anyone want to read me a bedtime story?

Last updated January 25, 2019