Pitfall Isn't Just for the Atari 2600! in General Mental Anesthesia

Remember that game? It was hard, very difficult. A metaphor for life, no?

By definition: Pitfall is a hidden or unsuspected danger or difficulty.

Now… I’ve had a number of these in relation to my health over the past few years. This week is no exception.

I just met with my radiologist who is the one who sent me to get my back brace as well as to pain management.

Now, I’ve walked with a bit of a limp for many years, but for the most part it was indiscernible. However, wearing the brace which prevents my body from torquing and moving laterally has caused some issues or more to the point, pointed out some issues. I have so many back injuries including several old fractures that I never knew about, that back when I lived in Florida, I just worked through. No insurance, living paycheck to paycheck; I could never afford to go see a Dr. when I was in pain. It just became a part of my life.

I recently began trying to go for walks around the neighborhood because I’m just so cooped up all the time and I need to exercise. But when I wear the brace I’ve noticed that my limp is much more pronounced. Regardless, wearing that, I went for a walk, a few actually. (which is not easy btw… with how active the ulcerative colitis is and all the additional pain and pressure the brace puts on my stomach / abdominal area). It just goes to show just how desperate I am to live a little instead of withering away everyday.

After a half mile, I started experiencing severe pain from my right buttock through my quad, inside part of my right knee (and that REALLY hurts!) to the shin, calf and foot. It feels like my right leg is inches longer than my left and that’s where I’m putting all my body weight. It’s common for people to have a millimeter or two difference in leg length, but this is much worse. At the office today, during a test; he could visibly see the difference in person… that was disconcerting. :/

Because the brace is keeping me straight, it’s not letting my brain compensate for all the damage I have back there as it has done for so many years which has also led to restless leg syndrome (or something similar) which I have been experiencing several days a week emanating from tightness in my back and a likely minuscus tear of the right knee; at least according to preliminary tests; a pain I’ve also had intermittently for maybe 15 years or so.

So, now I need to see my primary care Dr. to make appointments for an orthopedic surgeon as well as a hematologist for the blood clots in my lungs as I’m still having difficulty breathing and that, plus the Xarelto requires monitoring by a specialist.

You know what that means… more blood work! “Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!”

I also have my 2nd chemo treatment next week…

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Another thing that was just brought to my attention:

My mom is going to California for 3 weeks in February to help my sister with some things (her daughter). This of course causes problems for me. I can’t bend at all, I can’t lift anything (Dr’s orders) How do I feed Inspector Noodles; my near 16 year old pug? I can’t bend down to the floor to get his bowls, lift them up to wash them and fill them etc… I can’t even bend down to put his leash on. Medicaid doesn’t help with that sort of thing either and with no money, I can’t hire anyone to help out. I’m alone out here.

Playful puppy Inspector Noodles!

A young, healthy and happy pug!

An older, wiser introspective pug.

I can have home care help me personally with food and cleaning etc… but what do I do? Just let Noodles starve to death? Risk seriously re-injuring myself? If I get down to the floor, I may not be able to get back up, then I’ll have to call 911 and if I’m hospitalized, then what happens to Inspector Noodles? At his age, nearly blind and deaf, he wouldn’t survive in a kennel even if I could afford it, he needs special care and family! And even if I’m just in the hospital for a day, he’ll go to the bathroom in the house… how exactly am I supposed to clean up if that happens?

IN 2017

YESTERDAY (Nearly 16 years old)

Life with a badly broken back and all the other injuries is more than terribly painful, but extremely inconvenient.

This aside (trying to focus on the positive) All I can say is thank G-D I have Medicaid now so I can at least address most of these problems, the majority of which I have been dealing with for a decade or longer. I have the opportunity to get things fixed… an opportunity I never had before.

I’m truly thankful. I went 22 years without health insurance. 22 years of not seeing Dr’s when I needed to, that would have prevented things from compounding as much as they have. I know there are a whole lot of people currently in the situation I was in for more than 2 decades. Homelessness is on the rise again and as someone whose been homeless… My heart goes out to everyone in need.

You can’t work if you have debilitating illnesses & injuries and not everyone sucks on the government tit. All those years without insurance, working unknowingly with fractures in my spine, with herniated and bulging discs…

In retrospect, thinking of those old fractures… here are 2 times I believe I was working with a broken back.

While working at the Abyss Theatre (see other posts for more info) at one point I painted the entire theatre floor which was black (I also helped paint the walls and floor black initially, but I digress) to look like an old wooden plank floor. It took a few days and by the time I was finished, I had literally passed out on the floor from the pain. Actors found me semi-conscious by the time rehearsals began. I couldn’t get up and had to stay on the floor for another hour or so.

Here’s what one of the sets looked like when I was done ( I just did the floor)

Another time was when I was working on a horror film with my two friends and film business partners. Everyone was sore after a 22 hour day, what with camera work and putting up and taking down sets, lights, props etc… but for the first time EVER… during the set take down in the 22nd hour I actually had to say that I need to stop and sit because I could no longer stand; I just couldn’t continue working. I’ve never quit on anything ever and it was almost as painful to watch everyone else bust their ass after such a brutal day while I rested, but despite my high tolerance for pain, I was simply past my threshold. My back was killing me, my legs and feet in so much agony they could no longer support my weight. My entire body was shutting down.

As I was saying before I got sidetracked; my Intermittent battles with homelessness (4.5 years worth) dealing with ulcerative colitis etc… I never got a dime from our government, no disability, no food stamps, nothing (and I tried). I thought I was just in pain; throughout it all, I carried on. So I have no problem taking full advantage of Medicaid now, because damnit… I’ve suffered enough!!!

Last updated January 17, 2019