The Longest Winter in The Day To Day Ramblings

Struggling lately to find words I can share in a public forum - not my private books or my Friends Only books but my bigger, more open, more vulnerable, more out there books for All The Eyes to see.

It's not that there are a lot of secrets hidden back behind these pages or anything...just that I've being feeling extra fragile lately. The cold is wearing on me. The endless, shivering, freezing, frigid, skin burning cold that this winter sunk into us and hasn't released yet. Add in ongoing medical challenges and a lot of time to think about them and a pensive state has overtaken my mind. It is not a down and out mindset or a depressed one but a quiet, withdrawn one that has protected my heart from any further investigation should someone's words strike a chord and some hole in my carefully built armor be exposed.

I've spent a lot of time with this sweet face...

...exploring a local 160 acre dog park and quietly telling her she's beautiful and making small talk with the other dog owners who have weekday afternoons off.

My sister and I went snowshoeing for a few hours yesterday, bringing Ms. Claire of course...

We chatted the entire time about all sorts of things. We touched on all the parts of our lives, about things on both of our minds and hearts, the crunch of the snow mixed with the silence & solitude of the woods making us more honest and open than we normally are. She made a mention about "You spent a lot of time with just Claire, don't you? While everyone else works, you are with her, aren't you?" And yes, I suppose I am. I only work two weekdays every week so at least three days a week Rob works all day and I'm home and Claire and I adventure. I think some people think I'm abnormally close to her but think about how close you get to your coworkers sometimes. I spend more time with her than my husband or my coworkers or any other living creature...it's not ridiculous that I adore her more than most other things in my life. All in all, I'm just glad she's around and healthy and happy and such a joy in a winter that has weighed down my spirit and she's been a light when the cold darkness has dimmed my own. I'm thankful for her, regardless of what others think.

We officially booked airline tickets to go out and meet our new niece in two weeks. She will be just about four weeks old and I'm excited to snuggle her sweet face and kiss her round cheeks and nuzzle in that baby smell. We're planning to offer to babysit so my SIL and BIL can get a night out but I'm not sure they'll take us up on it as she's breastfeeding and the peanut is still so little. Regardless, I'm hoping Rob gets the 'chance' to change at least one diaper as I don't think he ever has AND I don't think he's ever held a baby under a year old. New experiences all around. He is beyond psyched to be "Uncle Rob" and my heart is already pitter-pattering at the thought of him holding a little one. Should be a very fun time :)

Here's to hoping for spring soon, warm weather and melting snow and green grasses and the end to the coldest of the cold. Until then, you can find me and Ms. Claire right here...