Friday, Gotta Get Down On in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Well… last night was interesting in some ways.

Wife came to the office as we are going to try to get our licenses updated. However, the DL office had significant computer errors and had to close down early. We then went to the Shopko Closing. This is one of the rare areas where Wife and I 100% conform to our assigned gender stereotypes. In shopping, I’d prefer to walk in… grab what I need… walk out. Wife wishes to check all aisles and make sure she isn’t missing something. We were in that store for 2 hours and Wife spent over $300!!! UFDA!

My legs were not happy with that. We came home and she was excited to show me the basement. She had been working on it while I was at work. She had done exactly what I had envisioned! SERIOUSLY! The tables, the chairs, the furniture! Granted, I still need to bring some stuff down and there may be one or two minor adjustments… but she made real exactly what I had seen in my head!!

That was pretty much it for last night. After an 8 hour work day and 2 hours of standing around while Wife shopped… I was pooped.

In other news, I find this in-line with President Fuckall but still can’t believe people listen to him. Local Government at the Border Wall that exists and is proposed to exist have stated they don’t want it A republican senator has called it “The most expensive, least effective way to deal with the problem.” Meanwhile, President Toddler was saying that “Washington Politicians don’t know how bad the problem is, they’ve never been here.” Once again doing what he has always done. “Experts say one thing? Local officials agree? A majority of people agree with the experts? I don’t agree, so fuck all of them” Sorry, just… frustrating to have such an intransigent, undiplomatic, immature narcissist in charge.

The reality is that illegal border crossings have been declining for years. Though at their peak in the early-2000s, they have steadily dropped ever since. The migrants who are arriving at the border are often children or migrants attempting to flee gang violence. Because the truth is, there is a lot of violence and criminal activity and gangland style activities in South American and Central American countries. But that doesn’t mean those violent actors are the ones trying to cross the border. That is a misstatement. As evidenced by the Trump Administration’s own documented evidence; provided you read more than the headlines. The crisis that we, as a nation, face is one of human rights. We are a country of immigrants that has held sacred the right to request asylum and has honored the contributions of immigrants to our country. If we support legal immigration, as we so often say, then we need to begin processing asylum cases and to honestly discuss the complex issues that drive it.

In similar news, I said something this morning that it appears CNN, or one of their reporters, agrees with. I’ll use her words as she was paid for them while mine were merely spilled into the ether of Social Media Void.
....”two years into the Trump administration, the urgency of building a wall exploded onto the scene only after tangible threats to Trump looked imminent.
After winning control of the House of Representatives, Democrats prepared to launch real investigations into the endless areas of possible corruption and malfeasance in the administration, a development that coincidentally occurred just as the probe into ties between the Trump campaign and Russia started gushing new damning revelations, with the Mueller investigation appearing to zero in on its target........
Trump’s strategy seems baffling because it is so unnecessarily harmful to individuals, to the country, and even to Republicans in Congress. Already some Republican senators have parted ways with him. Sen. Lisa Murkowski has called for an end to the shutdown. Sen. Susan Collins said she’s looking for a compromise, something Trump histrionically signaled he has no interest in when he walked out of a meeting with Democratic leaders. Both Murkowski and Collins were instrumental to ending the 2013 shutdown, conferring with colleagues across the aisle when other Republicans wouldn’t.
Trump’s claim that there’s an immigration crisis at the border is refuted by experts. His demonization of immigrants treads a well-worn path of demagogues seeking to invent enemies to build support. And even people who live along the border are skeptical of his claim that a wall is a solution. And yet he has brought part of the government to a standstill over it.
The shutdown is helping Trump keep the latest developments on Russia off the top of the news......
No wonder Trump is throwing everything at the wall, trying to make us look in a different direction, threatening to cut off aid to Californians who lost everything in recent fires, saying he will declare a national emergency if he doesn’t get his way.
Republicans see what the rest of us do. “The guy is nuts,” is what some congressional Republicans say about Trump privately, according to former Democratic Sen. Claire McCaskill. “He doesn’t have a grasp of issues, he’s making rash decisions, he’s not listening to people who know the subject matter.”

THE TLD;DR of that.... : Trump’s Republican Party Control of House, Senate, and White House could have tried for The Wall at any point before now. The truth is, they didn’t have enough support then either. But this isn’t about a Wall or even about Border Security. This is about three things. (1) Try to make it look like the Democrats are the bad guys; (2) Distract people from the Russia Investigation and the other Corruption investigations that are ongoing; and (3) Try to tie up Democrats with a Border/Shutdown Crisis so that they won’t have time or energy to subpoena his tax returns (as they said they would do); investigate his dubious relationship with Deutsche Bank; or protect Robert Mueller. This is further evidenced by the fact that, while Trump refuses to open any closed portion of Government, he is already hiring a swarm of attorneys tasked with “keeping Mueller’s findings confidential.”

What does my day look like? Well, thanks for asking.
My boss is out of town most of next week. Doesn’t really affect me much in most respects. Monday was going to be my day anyway as it is a Juvenile Court Day. Which means I have 13 hearings on Monday anyway. Wednesday was going to be my day anyway as it is a Magistrate Day. That day I have 12 hearings. Thursday was going to be my day anyway as it is a Magistrate Trail day. That day I have 3 trials. And he’s back by Friday; so we split that day anyway… since a Judge made our Tuesday the 22nd into our Friday the 18th. SO the only day to worry about is Tuesday. I.... originally… had nothing. Boss… has an entire day full of hearings. Suuuuper. So I need to cross reference all of those cases with their plea deals then prepare their Criminal History reports. Something that, normally, I’d do the day before. However, with Monday being so full already… I’m doing them today. But then… that’s it for work. Prepare for Next Week and done!

As for counseling tomorrow… holding out hope. I flat out asked Wife if she had done the homework.... the “Something nice, positive, or complimentary about your spouse every day for a month” thing and she said, “no.” I asked if it was because I hadn’t done anything to be worthy, she said no. We investigated and she simply said she didn’t do it because she is lazy. So… that is certainly something to discuss in counseling. I don’t care about the Homework as much as the “You can’t be lazy about counseling since counseling is trying to keep our marriage together.” But of course… maybe she thinks she can since she probably thinks “I don’t have to try, he isn’t going anywhere.” ::sigh:: I… really hope tomorrow is productive. For those curious, here is what I’m “turning in”

• 12/16: Wife meticulously goes through the recycling. She so wants to counteract the negative eco-behaviors of corporations and a majority of humans. I appreciate and am awed at her dedication and desire to do good in this way.

• 12/17: Wife is the Organization Queen! If ever I need anything- she knows exactly where it is! Truly, there are days where, without her, I could not be in any way successful.

• 12/18: I adore Wife’s sense of play. We’re constantly finding ourselves in impromptu games and enjoying each other all the more because of it.

• 12/19: Wife likes connecting with my family and I really appreciate that. It can still be hard for her sometimes to accept that my family loves her, I think, but the way she enjoys spending time with them and the ease with which she fits into the family is awesome.

• 12/20: I greatly value her artistic aesthetic. Her eye is unique and she always wants to find a “different kind” of beauty. She despises the generic or manufactured and is always trying to find something unique and special.

• 12/21: It can be a detriment to her sometimes, but the way she thinks through things sometimes is awesome. She can get stuck a bit. But when she’s on a roll, she’s something to behold.

• 12/22: It isn’t always, but sometimes she makes me feel so incredibly understood. Those moments of just… pure understanding… and those moments are wonderful beyond words.

• 12/23: Sometimes when I’m stressing or feeling panicked, she’ll simply put her hand on my arm… and that small gesture can bring loads of comfort. It’s been true since we started dating 13 years ago and it remains true to this day.

• 12/24: While it can come across poorly sometimes, I do appreciate that she both pushes me to improve and pushes me to recognize my own value.

• 12/25: OMG MY WIFE MADE GOLDEN SAUCE! Huge. Awesome! It shows an interest in learning about the family traditions, embracing them, embracing being part of the family… she isn’t “I don’t feel like I belong” and staying out of things… she’s throwing herself in and embracing it! AWESOME!

• 12/26: It is wonderful to see her break through her own B.S. and just passionately discuss something she loves. Tonight it was photography and the photos she had brought to the Davis House. It would mean expense, potential arguments, potential strain… but all of that would be incredibly worthwhile if Wife could find something she’s passionate about doing and do it. I don’t even care if it is CosPlay, Photography, Tae Kwon Do, or something she’s never tried before. When she’s passionate and focused and enjoying herself? I see the woman I fell in love with again.

• 12/27: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it always- Comedy Clubs made me fall in love with Wife. Her laugh is a treasure beyond words. Today (and other days) I’ll just set a YouTube video list of hilarity and just… bask in her laugh.

• 12/28: Wife has an affinity for nature that shows her curiosity and an intelligence about the subject that puts a smile on my face. When she demonstrates passion, curiosity, and knowledge… she’s awesome.

• 12/29: It isn’t all that unique, I suppose, but some days… my absolute favorite moment of the day is when I’m awake and Wife’s asleep. To see her, beautiful and peaceful, slumbering away next to me… she has a beauty I wish I could sufficiently explain to her.

• 12/30: Today has been an almost perfect day and that is thanks in large part to Wife. My parents visited and Wife got to play Woman of the House and blew my socks off! All the things she thought of in advance, all of the activities she did with me and my folks, the cooking… everything. Really an almost perfect day!

• 12/31: Wife showed exactly what I’ve been talking about when she’s passionate. My brother turned her on to a podcast called Magnus Archives, an Eldritch Horror kind of series, and she’s plotting it all out. Not like “keeping track” but full on plot threads, shared names, relationship charts… a full and thorough plotting of what she’s hearing. And it is awesome to see. When she gets invested, she gets invested!

• 01/01: I appreciate that Wife tolerates my gamming fascination so much. I know that she doesn’t have any interest in video games and that she honestly doesn’t care what specific elements may make a game more or less successful, but she doesn’t complain when I watch an hour of “MVCI: 1 Year Later” or “My Hero One’s Review” or things like that.

• 01/02: It is awesome when certain things combine. Wife’s penchant for little impromptu games mixing with her appreciation of my family, as an example. For instance, Wife isn’t great at saying things like Thank You all the time (though she is getting better). My Mom coined a little “Thank You for Saying Thank You” when we were kids and she was trying to encourage good manners. Wife said “Thank you” today for my help with dinner; to which I said, “Thank you for saying thank you.” She laughed, enjoying it, and returned with “Thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you.” Whether she knew it or not, the exact response we would sometimes give Mom. Obviously, the “thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you for saying thank you….” Can go on forever if desired.

• 01/03: Wife’s Organization and Thoughtfulness can combine in really effective ways sometimes. I have always relied on “Salesmanship” in life, thinking that my ability to speak and think would be the solution to everything. Case in point, I needed a Rx filled and had planned on simply speaking with the Pharmacist and working with them to get everything taken care of. Wife, on the other hand, knew where all the pertinent paperwork was and had put it all with my Day Planner so that I would have it when I went to the Pharmacy.

• 01/04: Some days when I’m stressed and a million places at once; Wife’s words and mind are lifesavers. I was being pulled in a million different directions today and THEN got a weird phone call from our WDM Pharmacy. My mind was in no place to process that so I just told Wife and asked her what she thought I should do. Her answer was rational, intelligent, and helpful and helped me resolve the issue without adding more stress to my already stressful day.

• 01/05: So, I hate sounding so superficial but the big thing for today is: Wife’s face is perfect. She woke me up this morning, and waking up to her was different somehow. Like my eyes rested on her face before registering the world and it immediately put me in an awesome mood. I know she hates that I find her so attractive. I know finding her so attractive complicates our lack of physical intimacy. But… I really do find her very beautiful.

• 01/06: One of the ways we are compatible in a negative way is… sometimes if we don’t want to do something, we just… never get around to it. Knowing this about each other and working to get around that can be a challenge but it is one we should embrace. Wife partially embraced it this evening when I was scheduling. I had placed “Thank You Letters” for a later date to which Wife simply said, “Why not do some now?” I didn’t want to, but I’m glad I did at least one. That kind of encouragement is really helpful.

• 01/07:

• 01/08:

• 01/09: She is smarter than she thinks she is, especially in spatial relations. We had a sofa that needed to get downstairs. I honestly thought “We have to, but I don’t see how!” We fought about it the night before; but rested and refreshed, she managed to get the sofa down today while I was at work! Seriously… she has intelligence and talents that she doesn’t give herself enough credit for!

• 01/10: When we’re on the same page, it is awesome. Like… if she has a thought that I say first, it feels like this amazing connection. Tonight, I had a vision of what I wanted the basement to look like and I had planned to spend the evening setting it up. BUT when I got home, it was already exactly like how I wanted it!! Wife had put it together based on what I had “thought out loud” and it was exactly like how I pictured it. Which was pretty cool!

• 01/11:

New Year’s Resolutions & Concerns
(1) Health & Weight:
a. I have put healthy weight on my resolutions for many years and I’ve continued to expand.
b. Novice Goal: Under 200 lbs by next year
c. Advanced Goal: Lose 5 lbs a month, every month this year
d. Plus Ultra Goal: Under 170 lbs by next year

(2) Marital Dysfunction
a. As far back as 2015, I’ve put this on my resolutions. A healthy marriage that doesn’t hurt me so much or divorce… for the last 4 years counting.
b. Our marriage makes me feel rage and sorrow almost all the time; and I bury myself in alcohol and pornography because of it.
c. I can’t have “sex” or even “intimate touch” be a Blue Moon Exception in my marriage. I have more self-worth than that and I waited too long to simply agree to a Celibate Monogamous Relationship. Sex and intimacy should be the norm, or at least a periodic treat… not an exception or non-existent.
d. Ultimately, we need to significantly improve this portion of our marriage, or we’ll need to figure something very serious out. Whether I’ll need to file for divorce or we’ll need to work an agreement for “solutions outside of the marriage” I can’t say. But after 7 years of marriage, where we are on this issue is entirely unacceptable. It has gotten to the point where I don’t even know how to initiate or engage because I’m so certain the answer will be no that I now even lack the will to try and the knowledge of how to initiate.

(3) Home & House
a. Basement Entertainment Room finished by mid-February
b. Basement Guest Room finished by mid-April
c. Bathtub Repaired and Hydro-Therapy Ready by late-May
d. Fence designed and completed by early June

Last updated January 11, 2019