the townperson's lament in poetry

stop smashing all my pots, Link
what are you hoping to accomplish?
stop smashing all my pots, Link
they were very expensive
stop smashing all my pots, Link
what does smashing my pots up
have to do with uniting the Triforce
have to do with rescuing the Princess
they’re just a bunch of pots, Link
I’m pretty sure that they’re
not in league with Ganon

DON’T SMASH MY POTS UP, LINK
MOST OF THE POTS YOU’RE SMASHING DON’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHI-
ok, that one had the abstract concept of five hit points
manifest as half a Valentine’s heart in it but really
MOST OF THE POTS DON’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING IN THEM AT-
well, yeah, that one had one rupee in it
that could buy you like one common arrow
EACH OF THOSE POTS COST ME ELEVEN RUPEES, LINK
FROM THE POTTER DOWN THE ROAD IN HER POTTERY BARN

stop smashing all my pots, Link
you budding little messianic sociopath
go bug the chickens outside my neighbor’s house instead
I’m sure nothing could go wrong with that
you goddamned elven weirdo