Why am I awake? in In My World

The reason I keep this prosebox is for the same reason I used opendiary before the fallout. I write so that I can look back at who I was and how I was feeling. I write so I remember what was going on when. I like remembering things, even the bad things, in as much detail as I can…and yet…

I haven’t written even one entry directly about someone who I spent months being around almost constantly. And the more I think about it the more I realize something… I haven’t written about anyone who has come and gone in my life the last few months. I know I’ll remember so I guess I just don’t feel the need to write about it. Or maybe it’s because subconsciously I don’t want to remember. Or maybe it’s because he wanted me to.

Its interesting because we dated once and I never wrote about him then either.
I wonder what that means.

I should write about it if for no other reason then to have something to look back on but I honestly dont know if I want to.

I haven’t been writing about much lately and that is partially because I know I’ll write a lot about someone specific and I’m actually terrified if they know how much they’re on my mind it’ll push them away… I don’t even know if that makes sense on the outside but if theres one person I cant stand to lose… its them.

I need to stop over thinking so fucking much and just write about things.

Sorry for anyone who reads my posts. Things are changing and I’m not holding back out of fear anymore.

I’ve gotta post the first week but I’m doing the entry a day thing this year. So far the longest it stuck was 16 days. We shake see how long it lasts this time.