I Thought About It in meh...

I thought about doing video journal entries but I’ve decided against it. Lol

I talk just like I write. I tend to have back stories to back stories and ramble on. If it doesn’t lose your interest, wonderful. If so, my apologies.

For someone that’s not a very active talker, I can talk a lot…mainly because I have things in my head I want to clear out. Some of those things should remain in my head actually.

At any rate, I go get my car serviced for the first time today. Oh and someone scratched my car door in two places. I don’t ever park where there are a lot of people because, even with parking spot lines, people STILL can’t park. They don’t pay attention and now, I’ve got two scratches on my door. I’m a little pissed about it.

I have to hurry and get back on my meat reduction. Way too much fun eating meat. lol

I keep threatening “shooting my shot” with my fake crush/obsession, but continuously talk myself out of it. We had a weird conversation about cheesecake at his sister & Scott’s wedding. His sister asked if we knew each other and he looked at me and said Nope. I was so enthralled staring into his eyes that it took a second to make a face and we both laughed because we’d met plenty times before. Hella awkward.

I don’t know how to not be awkward and just talk to people. I get stuck in the moment and don’t ask questions until I think of them too late or think of something clever I could have said. I did ask him about a project he was working on and about if he had any gigs that night. Prince died in 2016 right? That’s been almost 3 years of every now and again dreaming about him, every now and again fantasizing about sex with him, “running into him” at public events I know he will be at. ::HARD GASP:: OH MY LANTA!! I’M A PARTIAL STALKER! I don’t mean to be if I am. Our interactions in person are so sporadic. I only follow him on Instagram and I don’t like every thing or comment on all of his posts… Well, I did say partial.

Perhaps a goal should be to get this rejection over with. Rejection is embarrassing especially when you run into the person, not a lot, but juuuuustenough for it to be weird when you see each other. The burning hot uncomfortableness of it all…I don’t like that feeling.

Hey. I never said I wasn’t a neurotic overthinker…

I’m making myself nuts.
I have to stop this.
Because then if he did say he’d want to know me too, I’d spend most of the time trying to hide my flaws. Why am I so effin backwards?? If it’s someone I don’t like, I’m an open book and don’t give a shit what they think. Someone I like, I want to be perfect and on guard and that is so exhausting. But I do it every time.

This will continue in a rambling looo so I will stop now and save you all from my drivel..

Take care of yourself.

Kindest regards,
Sister